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Funny Answer Machine Messages for your phone

Updated on January 31, 2012

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If you are the type of a person who loves having witty answer phone messages, then this article is for you. There is a selection of messages below. Take your pick.

★ツ

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Message 1

"Hi. This is (your name).

If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.

If you are my parents, please send money.

If you are my Bank, you didn't lend me enough money.

If you are my friends, you owe me money.

If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money."

Message 2

"Hello, this is (your name) We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back."

Message 3

"Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (your name), your message will be answered to in the order in which it was received, your message is number 8,343, please hold, your message is important to me."

Message 4

"Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply."

Message 5

(for guys) "The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password."

Message 6

"Sorry, (your name) is not here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone."

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The Ultimate Message

My favourite funny Answer Machine message is by Liam Neeson. if you have watched the movie “Taken” you will understand.

I was watching the Graham Norton show a while ago and he was a guest. A fan requested he leave an answer phone message on her mobile phone. It was brilliant to listen to. You can listen to it below. He records it 2 minutes into the video – you have to listen to it. See video above - Awesome!!

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    • resspenser profile image

      Ronnie Sowell 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Great lines, have to try a couple of these!

    • profile image

      Brianna Stuart 5 years ago

      These are cool, I would like to try one!

    • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

      TIMETRAVELER2 5 years ago

      This was fun! Best one I ever heard was "(your name) summer home, sum 'er home, sum 'er not. Voted up and funny.

    • iguidenetwork profile image

      iguidenetwork 5 years ago from Austin, TX

      Awesome...

    • gmaoli profile image

      Gianandrea Maoli 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Funny, funny, funny!!!

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @resspenser - Good to see you again. Thanks for stopping by.

      @Brianna - Thanks Brianna. I hope people still leave a meassage... :)

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @TimeTraveler2 - I like that one too. "Some are home, some are not." lol

      @iguidenetwork - Cheers. Thanks for your comment.

      @gmaoli - Hi Gmaoli. I can see you laughing. Thanks for stopping by.

    • profile image

      paulgc 5 years ago

      Absolutely awesome hub Lady_E, my favourite is number 1.

      I watched the Graham Norton clip and can remember watching when it was first aired, superb.

      Voted up and Awesome.

    • donnaisabella profile image

      Donaisabella 5 years ago from Fort Myers

      Awesome! I loved this so much...Made my day. Keep them coming LadyE. Brilliant.

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Paulgc

      Cheers Paul. I still have the program recorded on my TV. It was so funny to watch. Thanks for stopping. Good to see you.

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @donnaisabella

      Lovely to see you again. I'm glad it made your day.

      Good Luck with the Amazon competition.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Funny, I like the number 2 message. I need to get something funny..Thank you for great ideas..

    • one2get2no profile image

      Philip Cooper 5 years ago from Olney

      Great subject Lady_E I am always stuck for something original on the answer machine and usually end up with 'at the beep you know what to do'. Thank you...:)

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @alwaysexploring

      I was just thinking you recently read my Hub about Lionel Richie - Maybe we could get him to record:

      "Hello, is it me you're looking for?" on your answer phone. :)

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @one2ge2no

      I quite like that one. I've heard it a few times... "at the beep, you know what to do"

      Thanks for stopping. :)

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 5 years ago

      Hi Elena.

      Super hub, had me smiling at all the messages and the Liam Neeson's is good. A naughty one that I laugh at is "Wong Fu King Chinese Westauwant"

      Take care Elena and have a nice evening.

      LOL Ghaelach

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Ghaelach

      Hello Ghaelach - Thanks, I'm glad it got you smiling and I will get a friend to record "Wong Fu King Chinese Westauwant". I can't record it with a straight face. I will save it - just use it at weekends.

      Have a lovely evening too.

      Cheers. :)

    • profile image

      aria 3 years ago

      my dad kept changing his message, but two i remember went along the lines of:

      I cannot come to the phone right now because I do not actually exist if you wish to keep believing that i exist leave a message after the tone.

      and:

      I cannot come to the phone right now because extraterrestrial monkeys have kidnapped me.

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 3 years ago from London, UK

      Lol Aria.

      Thanks for visiting.

    • profile image

      Johnk873 2 years ago

      Hello my family member! I want to say that this article is amazing, great written and come with almost all significant infos. Id like to peer extra posts like this . dffekaeeecee

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hey, have you got in touch with Lionel? I'm still waiting. Hee...

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 2 years ago from London, UK

      @Johnk873

      Thanks John - Glad you enjoyed it.

      @alwaysexploring

      Lol Ruby. Not long now. Enjoy the weekend.

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 2 years ago from North Texas

      Very cute and funny! Enjoyed reading these. I have the generic message on my voicemail that Verizon provides. That way people know if they reached the number they attempted, but may not know for sure who it belongs to. With caller I.D. I rarely answer calls where I don't recognize the incoming number.

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 2 years ago from London, UK

      Thanks for stopping by Au Fait and thanks for sharing how you have your messages answered. :-)

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 22 months ago from Houston, Texas

      I did see the movie "Taken" and that message from Liam Neeson would be quite a surprise to hear if calling someone. Funny!

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 22 months ago from London, UK

      @Peggy W Good that you have seen the movie. It has 2 sequels now.

      Taken 2 and Taken 3. Thanks for stopping by.

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