Funny Voicemail-to-Email Transcriptions
One of the features we like about our phone service is how they transcribe any voicemails we get and send them to us via email. It is a very handy feature, especially when we are away. What we were not expecting was the sheer volume of typographical and grammatical errors. To be fair, some people do not enunciate when they speak and it is hard enough to figure out what they are saying by listening to them in person. That being said, some people are clear enough but whomever the company hired to transcribe the messages seems to have difficulties with the job. If it is a program rather than a human, than the program needs to be tweaked a little bit. Regardless of who is doing the transcribing, half of what we read is absolutely hilarious! We have saved some to share, names and numbers omitted when they were correct. For refference, my name is Leona and my husband's is Brian. I hope you enjoy them as much as we have.
1.- "Good morning, my name is [...]. I'm calling about this motor cycle with your husband over yesterday and you said that you are gonna for me to get it to pick up. Okay, you give me a call back at [---]. Thank you. "
2.- "Leanna this is [---]. I see and Jay. I left a message on your cell phone earlier about 99. The Caroline Avenue was on it for today. We'd like to make a condo with a commercial customers. If we can. It's 501 98. I need that as soon as possible if you'd like to call me back. Oh you can reach me at [---]. That's the direct line you can leave me a message if you like. Thank you Mam "
3.- "I will call no more but again we be all of the open in that room will be glad at 30 okay. I so give me a call back at [---]. This " (This one got cut off but he did call again.)
4.- "Hey Brian, it's me. I've a new cell phone number and I was trying to, I've like eight numbers in my phone and have them to shut off. So I program, that's the talking about. And called my mother and see if maybe she has different numbers. Alright. I hope it came up on caller ID because I don't know what you at. Talk to you soon, bye. "
5.- "This is mom. I was calling to check on my grand babies and see how everything was going. My number is [---]. I'll you just trying to get a hold of you. I love you and money " (This was not either of our mothers and they did not say they love money,)
6.- "Yes this is [---] calling with the M. a C. Eastern festival and I was calling to see if you all would be interested in putting an ad in our book. We put out every year is the ads are want a fourth page is 55 and a pool. It's 150. If (This one got cut off but it had nothing to do with an eastern festival!)
7.- "Hi, this is [...]. I'm calling about a tire(?). Tire(?) for my friend and I think it's 170. I've been out there last week about, I wanna get a 1003 and I wanna hike the new clutch and brake handles with the for the handle. Give me a call back at [---]. And I wanna get a pipe(?) for my tire for the back at 190. Alright. Thanks. " (When they really don't understand, they put in a question mark.)
8.- "Hi Brian, hey, it's [---]. [---] everything you get a chance give me a call. We got a deal going on Dunlop Sear were you back in a seller Dunlop tires the motorcycle motor cross Street. Our ATV $10 to get you locked in on % off on the amount for the rest of the year. Get a chance, give me a call. Thanks " (The ATV was 2010, not $10.)
9.- "Yo Bradley, please give me a call it's Brady. My tire went down again my girl, give me a much out of you. I guess you close [---] " (We don’t know a Bradley or a Brady and neither name was what the guy said anyway.)
10.- "Hey Brian, it's Rob, this is Joan with the holidays and when you did the right up the estimate over. I just checking to love it. Love you. Add it or what the deal was. Give me a call back at this number [---]. Thank you sir " (It was clear by listening that the word love was never used by this person.)
11.- "Laila it's just me. I was trying to get a hold of kids and your home phone because I was number so please give me a call first chance you get work tomorrow. Be off in the meantime for tomorrow evening. Thank you "
12.- "Hey Brian, how you doing well this is [---]. When you see all Thomas wanna work that bank which is the one. I'll see all Thomas for the whatever. I need you to call me tomorrow. If you go to the state come in tomorrow. You call me at [---]. I'm having problems with my phone call and out but if you give me a call. I need a valve for my for my bike. If you if you come in it into to the shop tomorrow. You call me at that number so I can see if I can ask you about how much is gonna cost and all the details and everything but I appreciate if you give me a call [---]. Talk to you later, bye "
13.- "Hey it's [---]. Came back up you shut up about 1120. I was hoping to catch you. My number is [---]. I'm the one that called earlier and but you got need to put Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday not Wednesday is early in the week. I'm off all next week. Get back with me. Anytime you know, I got the cell phone here like "
14.- "Hey this is [---]. I'm finally ready give me a tire put on my body and it's 139 8 x 16 and it's for a Honda shadow 500. I got with you before and I pick one out and I was hoping you still had it. If not we'll pick out another one and I'm hoping to catch you today. This is Friday and I'll be you know should be really great if we can't get to get this thing in Monday. Well is Monday or Tuesday of this. Hopefully I can get it in there and get back out you know you gotta be in a little bit. Hurts, I'm off all next week but I can be nice. I get in early early, but we okay I'll come by the day I go back again to try to get with you. Thank you "
15.- "Brian Brian, how you doing? My name is [---]. I just got a bunch of messages this Saturday I have a little problem my name is Russell John. Also I was off all this week till last Wednesday. So I'll see you probably Saturday may I know, happens whenever you always know. If I was in the job as hospital. " (He did not repeat his name and it was nowhere close to Russell John.)
16.- "Yeah my name there is the news. If you just work me a while back. I'll calling to see if you were going on more oranges. So you give me a call back when you get a chance phone number is 318070 "
17.- "Hey guys, this is [--]. Listen, I need you guys call me back. I guess out which one you choose the primary most one to see what shaking. I can only imagine that Brian might be the prime. I just eat and we just need to make sure okay. Yeah, we need to know like tonight unless I don't hear back from you in a little bit. I'm a try and call you later. bye bye "
18.- “Yeah hi, this is [---]. Brian asked me to call to see if papa was and you can reach me at [---]. Take care " --- Brought to you by Vonage --- (We didn’t know a thing about any papa.)
19.- “Hi Leon, this is Christy. Eric needs the girlfriend, I was calling about the Honda shadow six under your husband supposed to do someone to call Rick. Can you let me know if he got it done or if he can get it done by this afternoon. If you can call me back at work [---] or either on my cell [---]. Thanks, bye " (This one had me rolling! Very little of this translated the way it was supposed to!)
And my number one favorite......
20.- "Hello this is a message from [---]. Seeing if if you might wanna see that or for more genitals eyes. Who knows Jessie and Phyllis single order maybe one or two of those days. We're calling to confirm your appointment scheduled for [---], 2010. Please technician is scheduled to arrive between 12:00PM and 4:00PM. If you take approximately 1 hour and 45 min. to complete. If this appointment still works for you then do nothing we'll keep it scheduled as is but if you need to change or cancel it please call us back at [---]_Thank you for choosing [---]. We appreciate your business goodbye " (I laughed until I cried reading this one and it was all the funnier as it was a large corporation that left this message. Clearly this was a problem with the accent of the caller but, boy, what a translation!)