Gay Movies Made By Gays For Gays On Logo
Well I finally did it, added the Logo Network (for gays) to my cable line up. I don’t know exactly what I expected but I can tell you that some falls very short of my expectations. The problem is that much like a car accident or someone wearing something that doesn’t look good on them I find that I just can’t look away. Well, that’s not altogether true. I can seem to look away (or change the channel as the case may be) when the blocks of lesbian programming come on. This is no knock to lesbians it’s just that I’m not a lesbian and so seeing dramas or even comedies with nothing but lesbians leaves me less than interested. (Hey, I’m just being honest) There is something about seeing television made for us gays though that I have to commend them on. I mean I guess I just thought that Lifetime (television for women and gays) was the closest we could get to a channel devoted to us but with that claim that your television for one group of the population there has to be some responsibility too, yes? Just because the show or movie has a woman in it doesn’t mean that it’s simply got to be on Lifetime, right? And wouldn’t that same logic go for Logo? Apparently not but perhaps that’s because there’s less to choose from. And while I’m not blaming Logo entirely for their programming I have to say that I was surprised at how many gay movies are made (not porno) and can’t help wondering where these movies ever play besides on the Logo channel and why they’re so bad. Gay movies made by gays for gays on Logo – Don’t Get Me Started!
I saw Brokeback Mountain, The Wedding Banquet and Jeffrey in theatres (the only specifically gay movies I can think of that I went to a theater to see). I watched Lonely Hearts Club and a few other less than stellar gay films ad nausea on cable. And while the ones I’ve seen on cable seem to be more the speed of what’s on Logo, there seems to be a whole community of gay filmmakers who seem to me to be like the Ed Wood of their time. You know, “B” movie makers who seem to find the money to get their movies produced but they become instant camp classics because the script and acting are so bad. I know that’s not what they’re going for when they make them but come on, how many sensitive gay men can you see traversing their sexuality and lives by moving from their small town to LA? And why is it that all of the movies seem to take place in LA? Easier on the budget and finding locations perhaps?
Here’s the deal, to me watching these movies is a lot like watching a novella on Telemundo. I don’t understand the language but it’s very dramatic and I just know that every man is going to take off his shirt at some point. A recent viewing should serve our purpose as an example. The movie was called “East Side Story” and I’ll admit I didn’t watch the whole movie. The movie (or title anyway) is obviously a take on the musical West Side Story except it’s all about the Hispanic guy who works at his family restaurant, is very sensitive, has a crush on his white neighbor (who is with and lives with another white guy in a neighborhood that is portrayed as the Barrio) and from what I saw there were not any racial problems other than the insipid scenes where the white neighbor comes over showing he’s learned some phrases in Spanish which I know is supposed to be adorable but I think I would find annoying in real life. Then again, I’m not living the life of a sensitive Latino man who has been sleeping with the same closeted guy for over a year who ends up getting engaged to my aunt and I have to tell her only for her to break off the engagement and see the closeted lover find another stupid woman to entrap later in the movie. The scripts to these movies are awful, the acting is awful and I just don’t understand it. For an industry that is run by Jews and gays I don’t know how they let this happen. Artistically is bad (which should bother the gays) and I can’t imagine these movies making any money (which should bother the Jews).
So you have movies like East Side Story that seem to play on the channel and in between they play a movie that was released in theatres with something gay about it over and over again. I guess that’s the same with any cable channel as they try to fill their schedules but come on, how many times can we be expected to look at My Own Private Idaho?
Look, I want to like movies that are made by gays for gays and I want to love Logo but I just can’t at the moment. Does it make me a traitor to my community (or gaggle of gays) that I want and think we should do better? I’m not a film maker so I’m not going to be making a movie anytime soon but this is my plea to those of you gay moviemakers who are reading this…be better at what you do because this crap you’re doling out ain’t hitting on nothing. (Yes, all the double negative purposely included). Don’t blame the budget because there have been wonderful films made on small budgets. Just try to stop casting with the bulge in your pants perhaps. Just because the guy’s abs are great doesn’t mean he can deliver the soul searching monologue in the third reel and while we’re on the subject, rethink those long monologues where the main character sits and reviews his life as these are usually so poorly written that they’ve got to be as cringe worthy when you read them on the page as they are on the fourteenth take which eventually appears in the movie. Someone has to bring a little reality to the proceedings, I know we’re supposed to support our community but you’ve got to give us something to be proud of too. It’s like the rainbow on everything gay, just because it’s got a rainbow on it I don’t need to buy it or tell the artist they’re wonderful. Sometimes a rainbow is just a rainbow and frankly other than on my Mork suspenders I’m not interested. Gay movies made by gays for gays on Logo – Don’t Get Me Started!
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