ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Entertainment and Media»
  • Celebrities

God, Please Put An End To Our Queen!

Updated on July 8, 2011


I bow my head in despair and shame. The parasite of the commonwealth, Queen Elizabeth, loves Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. This leech is costing us a pretty penny every time she visits. In a city of poverty, with the highest taxes of the land, and little in the way of job prospects other than low wage service jobs, our city spends hundreds of millions each year for a rich old lady with a crown to feel welcomed visiting us. Rich people always get so much for free. Our tax dollars are going towards the promotion status of monarchy and wealth. Tell me, when is Canada going to secede from the tyranny of the British throne?

I know what you're thinking. I've read the history books. The books say we've declared independence from Britain in 1867. I call this rubbish! If we truly were a free state from Britain, then why is the queen's ugly face on my money? And why am I shelling this same money away to merely spoil her welcome into my hometown? No, folks, Canada isn't free from the monarchy. A part of me is starting to understand the perspective of our neighbors to the south. I can't help but feel te next time the queen visits our shores, there's nothing better than a little gunboat diplomacy, if you get my drift? Surely, if America can declare war on the throne for tariffs on tea coming to their shores, then surely we can declare war for a blood sucking vampire coming to ours? It’s time Canada succeeds from Britain! No longer should we feel privileged to have the queen visit our lands. Send her to a pack of Canadian husky wolves, I say!

And why, why, why must my eyes continue to be polluted and spammed by Prince William and Kate Middleton? I can't walk outside for five minutes without seeing a poster, a calendar, a billboard, a tabloid, announcing their oh so fabulous wedding. I'm I supposed to care? Who exactly is buying this crap? Because whenever I see the magazine section with their faces plastered all over, the rack is always full. I suppose if you're royalty you've earned the birth right to have your face plastered everywhere, whether it sells or not. Mean while, our Prime Minister is a leading war hawk in Libya, but no, Kate's dress, earrings, and hairdo is the biggest news coming! Let's distract the masses as they stand in shock and awe of their fleshy idol.

Enough is enough already! It's time we take buckshot to the royal pop tart! Take this gunpowder, take this musket, and man the cannons! It's time we greet the queen with a royal divorce! Sink the queen's flagship as it enters our shore! Canada never, ever, ever shall be slaved! Off with her head! Off with her head!

-Donvan D. Westhaver


Update: Google And Hubpages, Is This Some Kind Of Sick Joke?

So here I am, making a wonderful, beautiful, sarcastic rant on how we should turn the queen into wolf food, and then you tease me with this disgusting piece of marketing and advertisement?! No offense, but that's just plain gross! Nasty Hubpages, bad Google, down, down, down! It may be against Google policy to promote advertisements, but from what I understand, "depromotion" is fair game. Do not click on this ad! I repeat, do not click on this ad! Every time you click on this ad, you kill a slug! Why would you kill innocent and lovely slugs over this ugliness?


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Martina 5 years ago

      Why don't you explain why you disagree?

    • Vladimir Uhri profile image

      Vladimir Uhri 5 years ago from HubPages, FB

      I disagree. Just because I am different. Have a nice day.

    • martina1cannon profile image

      martina1cannon 5 years ago

      Couldn't agree more. Get the monarchy out!

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 5 years ago from Southern California, USA

      Just immigrate to the US already. A lot of Canadians make their way to America, but we have are own set of problems, too. You might be complaining about financing the queen, but we are financing the bankers. It is the same everywhere, the rich get lots for free, and the working people finance it.

    • profile image

      dave h young 5 years ago

      god kill the parasitic queen from Canadians

    • profile image

      tony 6 years ago

      Absolute accurate perceptions written in a very detailed manner on this page when it comes to gain some knowledge in regard to foreclosed properties. Foreclosures surrounded some of our states as economy hit people badly. Government should announce a workable plan to keep things in control. foreclosure

    • Thatguypk profile image

      Thatguypk 6 years ago

      I'm far from being a Royalist (I live in Ireland!!) but it has been proved beyond any doubt whatsoever that despite claims of the Royal family being leeches, their existence is financially beneficial to all tax paying British people. The revenue that they generate far exceeds the cost of maintaining the monarchy.

      But perhaps Canada doesn't reap any benefit from that!

    • slyparadox profile image

      slyparadox 6 years ago

      oh you poor Canadians!

    • DonDWest profile image

      DonDWest 6 years ago from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

      I actually wrote this a few days before the news of her taking over our parliament. I would say a part II, "Storming the Parliament: Beheading The Queen" is in order. We need to take back what is rightfully ours! While I'm at it, I'll be sure to kick out the court jester as well.

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Super rant DonDWest, but just because she suspended your Parliament and appointed her Royal Governor along with everything you wrote doesn't mean she's all those nasty things you said. Oh, excuse me a sec., forgot to take my reality pill. Ah...that's better, your media and entertainment site and many other hubs look awesome and I shall now join the fan club.

    • profile image

      v0id 6 years ago

      We should do a Canada wide petition to remove this vampire from our currency. Starting will Québec province would put it on track right away!!

    • DTR0005 profile image

      Doug Robinson 6 years ago from Midwest

      Well we have our independence, but I swear to God - when the Royal Wedding takes place all of American will stop, dab a tear from their eye, and fall in love yet again with British Royalty. Why? no

    • Ranzi profile image

      Cut The Bullshit 6 years ago from All Over

      OMG this is so funny and I totally agree. God kill the Queen! Who the hell does she think she is, better than us? she craps, fucks and suffers the same as everyone on this planet, or did God put a drop of magic in her royal blood?