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Greatest robbery screw-ups in history

Updated on January 16, 2015

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Greatest Robberies

We are going to feature a few well planned-out robberies that factored in all the making of a great heist, but forgot the most fundamental element; the occurrence of stupidity. Robberies are not a twentieth-century invention; it has been a livelihood for millions of individuals since the development of economic inequality and greed. Here are individuals who should have had a long and healthy career as criminals, but screwed up everything;

Central Bank of Iraq

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Saddam Hussein (18th March, 2003)

The Iraqi dictator is widely known for his irrational actions that made him unpopular amongst his people. Saddam Hussein is less known for his bank robbery stunt at the Central Bank of Iraq; and for a good reason. Saddam’s lack of intelligence was his ruin when he sent his son to “withdraw” money worth one billion US dollars from the Iraqi central bank. His son was given the money, and the police were never called. So what went wrong?

This idiot had the pleasure of angering the United States of America to attacking Iraq. In the months that followed Saddam was hunted like a rabid dog and his sons were killed by America soldiers. Saddam was eventually captured and executed having spent, or physical eaten a fraction of the money he stole. Even if the USA did not win him, the Iraqi currency was in the dirt, which made all his money worthless. On the bright side, Saddam would have had a lifetime supply of “state toilet-paper”. It is a weak combination to be a stupid, greedy and tempered dictator; you just can’t win!

Knife Robbery

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Patrick Thomas (2rd May, 1990)

No one in history has ever been way over their head like one Mr. Patrick Thomas. Thomas was a low-level criminal who was unlucky enough to rob 58-year-old John Goddard, an employee of the Broker Sheppard. On this particular occasion, John Goddard was returning Bank of England Treasury Bills in the form of bearer bonds. On his route back to the firm, he was stopped along the way by a knife trotting Patrick Thomas. He exchanged the briefcase full of bearer bonds for his life.

Had Patrick known the value of the content inside the briefcase, he would have best left the case on the street and ran off. But seeing that he was an idiot, he would have been overjoyed, mocking the voice of caution inside his head. Bearer bonds were as good as cash, since the holder of the bonds was automatically assumed to be the owner. In total, Patrick had made away with 295 million pounds worth of bearer bonds collected from several banks and societies. So he got away, he won right?

In the weeks that followed, police infiltrated London gangs until they found Thomas. Unfortunately, Patrick Thomas had not left the country or London for that matter, and had only managed to cash in two bearer bonds out of the 301 bills present in the briefcase. When Patrick finally realized it was too late to run, he decided to punish the one part of him that failed him the most. Thomas took a gun to the side of his head and shot out his brain. Today, Thomas is a reformed citizen who lives in heaven surrounded by bearer bonds.

Safety Deposit Boxes

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Valerio Viccei (12th July, 1987)

Valerio was a professional Robin Hood, who stole from the rich and gave to his poor bank account. Valerio orchestrated over fifty robberies, all of which he had not been arrested nor detained. When he finally migrated from his homeland in Italy to London, he decided to pick off where he had left off. He assembled a gang to help him perform what was to be his most lucrative robbery; the target was the Knightsbridge Security Deposit.

The band made their way to vault after tricking the manager into thinking they were a group of wealthy businessmen. In the vault, the group attacked the manager and gained entry into the safety deposit boxes. They made away with sixty million pounds that day. The Police were only alerted an hour after the robbers had left. After months of searching, all members of the gang that robbed the Knightsbridge Security Deposit were captured except for Valerio. He has intelligently made his way to Latin-America where he remained hidden. I know you are now thinking this is the one that got away, right?

As the laws of stupidity dictate, 'all that love vanity must perish for the sake of humanity'. Sometime later Valerio went back to London to retrieve his Ferrari. “My father always said to me, a man should adorn his car like he loves his life”, must have been the reason Valerio returned to London. He was arrested and sentenced to twenty-two years in jail, when Valerio was eventually released he was killed in a shooting incident with the police. Valerio must have been wishing he bought a new car, any car, when his stupid self was bleeding out on the London streets.

Funny Bank Robbery Gone Wrong!!

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    • David Rugu profile imageAUTHOR

      David Rugu Ngigi 

      3 years ago from Kitui, Kenya

      Thanks for the feedback Ariah and Angela i promise a whole lot more in future

    • profile image

      Ariah 

      3 years ago

      Funny!

    • profile image

      Angie 

      3 years ago

      this one had me laughing throughout. good work.

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