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Harper's Island ep 8

Updated on October 1, 2014

Did I Do That?

Harpers Island
Harpers Island | Source

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Jimmy and Abby on Harper's Island
Jimmy and Abby on Harper's Island | Source

I blame the dumb mom for leaving Demon Child alone in the midst of a murder spree. That set off an entire chain of events, which will eventually lead to 6.3 more deaths.

Zack Morris really had a big episode this week. He started out defending JD as a "really good guy." Then, he briefly addressed the Chops/Seth Rogen situation. When it comes down to doing the right thing or making it off the island alive, Zack is all about survival. He tried to back out of this mess by renouncing the Wellington name Shakespeare-style (a plague o' both your houses!). He could give a crap less if there is a 10-year old girl out there who needs help, that's not worth getting his hair messed up over. Too bad he got slapped in the face by Bridezilla for speaking the truth. Let the Demon Girl fend for herself! She can use her sorcery...or just bore her kidnappers with her stupid laugh and useless predictions. Zack seriously was the voice of reason. Why didn't they steal a boat days ago? He seems to be the only one who knows they're all going to die. In spite of all of his sensicalness (yes, that's a word now), he's probably going to bite it in the next episode. All of this attention is never a good thing-a la JD. He'll probably die on the boat, trying to get away.

Leave it to Chloe, the motard, to finally sit down and make a list of who is missing. The body count is only in the double digits for crying out loud! She had a moment where she had to choose between her tiny British fiancée and Zack Morris. Now she knows how Kelly Kapowski felt every time a new boy came to Bayside!

Jimmy claims that he wanted to visit Abby in LA, but not today. Does he have to stay behind and do some murdering, perhaps?

Shane is nutzo. I guess he and JD were cleared as murderers when they witnessed the deputy get shot. JD was not exactly a genius for running away, but I guess he learned his lesson-dead men have a hard time sprinting, I hear. JD is only guilty of being dumb and wearing bad clothes.

They got me all excited that they were going to find Ginger in the meat locker, but instead it was a poorly butchered pig. Snooze. Luckily, they found him later stuck to a tree. Of course Slut Stepmom was in that group. She should have let out a blood-curdling scream, just to add a touch of horror to the show. She's seen two of her lovers' corpses. That can't be good for the psyche.

If anyone leaves the island, then Demon Child dies. I say, let the boats go!

Holy Pajamas, Batman!

Harper's Island
Harper's Island | Source

The places they looked for the kid was nuts. Why would they check the incinerator? The door was almost too heavy for Charlie-the-Brit to open. Good thing he was there to point out that Chops's skull couldn't have belonged to a child. Who needs a forensic team when you have a jolly old Englishman? That brilliant moment was followed up by him giving an anti-gun speech. Silly Americans and their second amendment.

Jimmy seems to randomly wander in and out. Suspect?

Sheriff Dad survived bleeding profusely from the leg, but Seth Rogen died from less. Suuuure. Why did the Man Without a Face have a Batman voice? At least they built some suspense with the fire and the sheriff trapped inside with a bum leg. Abby and Jimmy showed up just in time! Has Sheriff Dad finally been cleared as a suspect? He was bleeding inside the house when The Man Without a Face got arrowed to death. By the way, who does that?

Sidebar: It makes no sense for them to say that it is a copycat of Wakefield and to make a big deal of the diary. Wakefield strung people up, this "copycat" kills in all different ways-booby traps, shooting boats, deadly chandeliers, and Robin Hood-style archery. This person (or persons according to me) is way more creative than Wakefield. Give credit where credit is due.

I was right about JD dying. Point for me! Henry killed him on "accident." Shah! It's the beginning of everyone seeing who he really is...


Henry (the groom) and the guy with the Seth Rogen glasses TOGETHER

Zack Morris (just to give him something to live for)

Gonna Die

Sheriff Dad

Zack Morris

The Body Count

Cousin Ben

Uncle Marty

The Minister


Paris Hilton Wannabe

Hunter Jennings

Seth Rogen (or so they want us to think!)

Thomas Wellington

Ginger (AKA Richard)


Sheriff's Deputy

The Man Without a Face


The Game

Harper's Island: The Drinking Game (Only play if you're over 21!)

When any of these things occur drink the corresponding number of sips:

Cry: 1

Scream: 1

Weapon: 1

Drinking: 1

Cheap Scare: 1

Mysterious Notes: 1

Underwear: 1

Horror movie cliché: 2

Sex: 3

Someone dies: 5


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