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His Mother

Updated on June 6, 2012

You may have had a significant other who’s mother has intentionally ruined your relationship.Or yikes, is it just me that hooks up with dudes whose mothers have mastered the slipknot, turning their apron string into nooses and then aiming them like a lasso for my head? Or have you also experienced mothers that won’t let their boys grow into men? We can find humor in the "Out of Control Queen Bee’s" in media such as; Meet the parents, Monster-in-law, Everybody loves Raymond, and even Bewitched. But the truth is no laughing matter, controlling mothers can be so obsessed with their sons that they trap them in an emotional or financial situation that renders them helpless without Mommy. This is a sad and very unhealthy relationship, referred to by mental health professionals as “Emotional Incest”, the sons are forbidden to love and the mothers selfishness doesn't allow preparation for the day when their sons will need to care for themselves.

One such birth giver pounced at me out of the nowhere while I climbed out of my vehicle. “Was this his mother?”, I asked myself, as I had never met her. I wasn't certain if it was her unexpected presence or the rapid vibration of what she was violently shaking in her clutches creating a chilly breeze on my face. She peered at me through the scorned eyes of a jealous lover, she squalled my name, “Angela since you want to spend so much time here with my son you need to pay half of the electric bill, you owe $169. Like a dog master, her son called off the snarling pit-bull, while I stood speechless. Just in case you also charge your guest for utility bills, I will clarify the situation, I had been visiting her son regularly, however, I lived over thirty minutes away and he had livestock that obligated him to be at home, whereas I had a very portable five pound Chihuahua. I really didn't see how I had the financial advantage with the cost of fuel today? In retrospect, I should have quickly dove back in the vehicle and sped for the highway. But I guess I’m a slow learner, so I could either bore you to tears or leave you in stitches by continuing with this story.

Phew, thank you Kathy, I guess I’m not the only one after all? Dr. Phil received a letter, from Kathy who wrote, "I love my husband too much to let some witchy woman ruin the good thing we have."Kathy, mother of one and expecting a second child, described her mother-in-law as rude, manipulative, passive aggressive,and lacking any and all social skills. She constantly criticizes Kathy’s parenting skills, and sends her magazine clippings, on weight lose and how to become a nicer person.

Over Rainbow, writes to Dear Abby, It isn't just straight couples, I'm a 48-year-old gay man. Years ago I was in my first cohabiting relationship, with "Boyd. "When we visited his parents home the first time, I noticed there were pictures of his wedding, that had ended in divorce years earlier, everywhere. His sisters mentioned that they were surprised to see the pictures out, indicating they had been recently set into place to upset me. On another occasion, Over Rainbow tells, “I am a fastidious housekeeper.” But, when Boyd's parents visited us, I had cleaned the house from top to bottom only to find his mother cleaning the sliding glass patio doors. She said, “The sun looks so pretty coming through the doors, but the streaks on the glass ruins the view.” “I wanted to slap her, but I hung onto my cool,” explained, Over Rainbow.

I am definitely not alone, looking into this further, this has been an unfortunate topic for over two thousand years. This boundary busting lady that invites herself everywhere has even shown up in the Bible. In the good book such mothers are labeled "busybodies", which translates "a self-appointed overseer in other men's matters. "The women mentioned, in Matthew 19:6, “Is going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.”

But, what can be done about the matriarch that strangles relationships with the un-severed umbilical cords? Ann Landers responded to Over Rainbow, “I'm sorry your mother-in-law turned out to be the Wicked Witch of the West instead of Glenda.” While Dr. Phil suggested to, “Define new boundaries. The boundaries you've had are not working. It's never too late to negotiate new ones.” Certainly Dr. Phil’s suggestion would be the most desirable scenario. You may want to hire a profession family councilor to help with the negotiating process. But however it is done, the two people in a committed loving relationship, acting as a couple, should deliver very clear and definite boundaries to the meddler. They also should warn that for the good of the relationships, a severed relationship will result if the boundaries are not respected. Because, God states in Genesis 2:23-24 , “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” So the big guy has spoken and said in the end it is up to the "Momma’s boy" to stand up and be a man, protecting his relationship from this self-appointed overseer he calls mother. This may be no easy task as it is possible that his mother has not left him in any position to become a man! He well may remain his mommy’s boy due to her emotional, or financial orchestration.

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      16 year old girl XD 24 months ago

      I feel a bit young to contribute but I have an over controlling mother and worry a bit about when I'm older, if I do get married, I don't not want her to meet my spouse, and as I plan to have children, to NEVER EVER MEET THEM EVER! also I if my future spouse does meet her I wouldn't want him to think I would end up like that. since the only thing I got from my mum was curly hair and a short temper. luckily that temper is only triggered by her. These kind of problems go for both sexes in my view. how do I deal with that? worrying that is.

    • lifelovemystery profile image

      Michelle Orelup 4 years ago from Houston, TX

      I will refrain from mother-in-law stories, except for one. On our wedding day she said to me, "I feel like I lost my son."

      She COULD HAVE SAID, "Welcome to the family, I'm so glad he found the right girl.....or, "I finally have a daughter...."

      On a different spectrum.

      My son has been dating a lovely girl for the past year and they are such good partners. They are thoughtful, playful, and I have never seen a cross word spoken between them. I don't know if this is the girl he may eventually marry.

      But I do know that I welcome my future daughter-in-law. I raised him, my job is done. Parents should let their children be happy, and should support healthy relationships.

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      A very witty,and serious article;the man should leave his parents,and be united to his wife - you're right;the onus is on the man to tend to these matters to avoid the unnecessary friction that could potentially abrade,and damage the future he,and his wife are to make together.

      Thumbs Up!

      Yours Sincerely,

      Romeo's Quill

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      pinkie 4 years ago

      I am struggling to maintain my marriage. My husband is oblivious to his mother's nasty comments and ways. She has accused me of trying to keep her son away from her. This is a son she sees several times a week. She always seems to make comments when he is not around. I think he thinks I am oversensitive and insecure about their relationship. We have only been married two years. MIL laughs at my pain.

    • The-Quietwarrior profile image

      The-Quietwarrior 5 years ago

      Wow... hadn't read this one... Actually know a person like this.. awesome reading..

    • profile image

      Nessi 5 years ago

      Oh wow! I just got out of a relationship like that! I baked for them, spoke to them, painted the mom's toe nails (GROSS), always spent time there, I gave them pet fish when they said they wanted some, I baby sat for them and in return all I got was abused, I was called vindictive, selfish, malicious, and thoughtless why? Because I let the little brother choose what easter eggs i bought for him. That woman broke me down until I was an emotional wreck having an emotional breakdown-and all the guy did was go "my mom didn't interfer she just wanted to know how you were that's why she read the skype messages we sent each other when I went to the bathroom, you need to change how sensitive you are to these things". Oh and he lied to me constantly so that when his mom made him change plans (drop me) so I wouldn't be mad at his mom. It got to the point where I was so broken down adn emotionally abused by this woman that, my family stepped in, I got called a f**king b!*ch who should rot in hell. My ex then said, "my mom hates you, and if she hates you then I can not be with you, but I really do love you!" Needless to say I looked at him and ended it with "I refuse to change who I am" Sometimes mothers are crazy, and it's sad but I feel more sorry for my ex, this is his third relationship to end exactly like this.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      dwachira: Thank you and yes this can be the ruin of a relationship!

    • dwachira profile image

      [ Danson Wachira ] 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      Sometimes relationships can be complicated, not by partners but other external factors. I do agree, severed relationship can result if the boundaries are not respected. Nice hub. Voted up, useful and shared.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      fpherj48: Yes this is exactly what happened to me a couple times... Good thing we got out! Thanks for your comment!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Angela.......Lord, how I despise Mamma's boys! Had a relationship with one, many years ago. He and I got along fabulously and truly fell in love......THEN, I met Mama.

      It didn't take long at all for me to break my OWN heart and realize I simply could NOT, under any circumstances, deal with the insanity for however many years she continued to live.....(I made the RIGHT move.....she's still going strong at 90!!)

      Great hub.....I heard every word loud and clear!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Morninglory24: Thank goodness this worked out for you with a good mother-in-law now!

    • morningglory24 profile image

      morningglory24 5 years ago

      My first fiance's mother was a complete and total nightmare!!! I am so glad that relationship didn't work out. I have a wonderful mother-in-law now and even though I said otherwise for years, you really are marrying the family too, esp if they are close. She stays in her lane and offers her help and opinion only when asked (at least to me). And she is a very nice genuine person too... that goes a long way!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      rahul0324: Thank you so much for your comment! I am with you I am afraid of crazy mothers don't want anything to do with them.

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Your observations are quite keen I must tell you! Some mothers are like that or rather in my country... most mothers are like that. I am glad mine isn't.

      I had this friend whose mother went out of the way to ruin his relationship with his girlfriend... created a scene in the deans office at school got more students involved and rendered the girls rep to trash.

      I was aghast.. i told him that I would never meet his MOMMY... I have seen some more who meddle so much so that they almost ruin everything around their sons.

      Great hub

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Catheleena Beams: Thanks for sharing that is a great story in it's self!

      Sampson1: Thank you for the vote up!

    • Cathleena Beams profile image

      Cathleena Beams 5 years ago from Lascassas, Tennessee

      Word to the wise, or not so wise, never let your new hubby talk you into stopping at his mom and dad's house on the way back home from your honeymoon. My brand new mother-in-law saw the need to tell me how sorry she felt for her ex-daughter in law who had moved back to Louisville with her baby in tow that she'd had with another guy in the hopes of getting back together again with my new husband. Unbelievably I managed to get over that and did visit there again although every time I did, from that point forward it was with trepidation and the hopes that this time no hurtful mother-in-law darts would be forthcoming. Lucky for me, she has been nicer to me the last year or two.

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      Sam 5 years ago from Tennessee

      Welcome to Hubpages. Very interesting and well written hub. I enjoyed this and voted it up and beautiful. And my, what a following...

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      basic to basic thanks for your commets.. yes I did narrowly escape.

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      Anne 5 years ago from Spain

      Another great hub Angela. You must have been gobsmacked to have been asked to pay a contribution to the electricity bill..good lord, what a narrow escape you had there :)

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Li Galo, love doctor and crazenowelist: Thank you so much for the great remarks!

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      OldWitchcraft 5 years ago from The Atmosphere

      My MIL really is a witch. She used to leave her little spells around the house. She's very controlling and has some strange attachments to her son, at least, one of them. I don't know about the other ones. But, she's wonderful help when there's an illness because she knows things I don't always know, which were handed down from her mother and her mother's mother and so on. But, we really cannot share space. His family nearly destroyed my health a few years ago and I think he has realized that - he even had a talk with them. I have attributed some of it to the fact that they are from another culture, but I don't think that's really all of it. They really have no sense of boundaries... I mean right down to barging into the bedroom while you're having sex. Yes, it was that bad.

      The best thing to do is get distance, IME. That's not always easy, though. If you can get him to understand that they're killing you before they actually get the job done, that works.

      Good article, good share. A vote up!

    • Li Galo profile image

      Li Galo 5 years ago from Mainly the USA but Sometimes Abroad

      Re: utility bill... how appalling! I had a great mother-in-law. I didn't have these issues with her. It was her son who had the mommy issues. He wanted to take every family vacation to visit her and stay in - at her house... for 15 years! When I left him, I never looked back... but I did miss her, LoL. One of the first things I did with the kids was take a REAL vacation. Good hub. ;)

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      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      Great hub and full of truth! I hear you. Luckily, I haven't come across any of these types of mother in laws, but I can imagine being in a relationship or married to someone and having to deal with a difficult in-law.

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 5 years ago from Hampton, GA

      You're such a good writer, Angela. No matter what the topic, I am always engrossed. Very good writing and I myself would not be pleased to be dating someone that's so attached to their mother or father. You're right, it's time to move away from ma and pa and be adults. I loved the story about the couple as well. You don't think of mothers being clingy to their gay sons when other men are involved. Very interesting dynamic.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Daughter of Maat.... Sorry you have to endure this, apparently it dates back to biblical time. Thank you so much for taking the time to read! :)

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      Melissa Flagg COA OSC 5 years ago from Rural Central Florida

      Fantastic hub Angela! My poor hubby has had the same problem. His mother holds onto that umbilical cord tightly, both emotionally and financially. I have just recently gotten us to the point financially that we don't have to rely on them, but his mother has found a way to make us dependent AGAIN. It's agonizing!

      Voted up, awesome and shared!!

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      This brought back some painful memories. Mothers in law can be wicked and possessive. I was called a saint for many years! Rated up!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I feel the same way! You will be a great mother-in-law!

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      Y Battle-Felton 5 years ago

      This hub made me laugh.

      When my children grow up, I hope I don't turn out to be a "Wicked Witch" though I don't know how hard I will try not to be. As long as my children are happy and in healthy relationships--I can be Glenda. If for some reason that changes...well...

      Smiles. I can't wait to read the hub dating the "birth giver's" son: I'm sure it will not only be funny, but it will give readers signs to look out for.

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      kelleyward 5 years ago

      As a mom of three young boys this hub kinda scares me!!! I see other moms hovering over their young boys and I know I don't want to be like that. Thanks for the reminder of how important it is to have healthy boundaries in every relationship we have! Take care, Kelley

    • editorsupremo profile image

      editorsupremo 5 years ago from London, England

      Great hub, funny and oh so true. I had one of those mother-in-laws who thought her son was hers and hers alone. Considering she had 5 sons why was my then boyfriend more special than the others, I don't know. Anyway I fought back and 25 years later she now bows to my authority!!

      I have two sons and we are very close but I only give my opinion to them personally if I think the girl of interest is not right for them. So far my opinions of the girls I thought were downright no good, conniving, manipulative and out for what they can get have been spot on. Listen to Mumma she knows best!!

    • BJC profile image

      BJC 5 years ago from Florida

      Loved it! My ex mother-in-law was somewhat like that and when my son's became adults, I was determined to like whoever they brought home - it has worked because they both love to visit and hang out with me :)

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Maybe I should write a part two to the story! Or perhaps you could take that one?

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      Cynthia 5 years ago from Vancouver Island, Canada

      Hey Angela, when I read the Book of Ruth I can't help thinking of my dear mother-in-law who was very much like Naomi (a grieving widow, a faithful God-loving Pastor's daughter)when I met her. But her name was actually Ruth. So, yes, I know the Bible allusion you are making and it does work to encourage women to love each other in the inlaw context. Thanks for your graceful reply.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I am certain you will. I pray the same for myself!

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      Nichol marie 5 years ago from The Country-Side

      I hope I can one day be a great mom in law like mine she thinks I am good enough and she knows that her son isn't perfect lol

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I am glad you brought that up and the bible actually speaks about mother-in-law daughter in realtionships that are very close. Also I have seen some daughter-in-laws being the controlling ones. My sister-in-law, lets hope she never reads this, has a very difficult time allowing my brother to have a realationship with anyone other than her!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      You have a good head on you shoulders! Thank you for reading!

    • techygran profile image

      Cynthia 5 years ago from Vancouver Island, Canada

      Unfortunately, I think, the stories of all the nasty mothers-in-law (or monsters-in-law)make for some cases of 'self-fulfilling prophecy' and a tension between women that is not always easy for us mothers-in-law to surmount. I was fairly ruthless in my judgement of my mother-in-law and felt quite competitive with her for my husband, her youngest child. But over time she and I grew very close-- it took a great deal of grace on her part and no little growing-up on mine.

      I also worked with women for many years (20+) who had experienced abuse in their relationships. Would it surprise you to know that studies show that men who are loving and caring and friends with their mothers are more apt to have similar relationships with their wives/partners? I do understand that you are referring to controlling, smother-mothering relationships in this hub, but I think it helps to give a nod to the other sort of mother-in-law out there (as has come up in the 'comments') so that we don't think that the wicked mother-in-law stereotype is probably looming somewhere out there for all of us to experience. Thanks for the humor and the food for discussion! Voted up!

    • emilybee profile image

      emilybee 5 years ago

      I like your hub a lot and reading through the comments I agree, feeling second best to mommy dearest isn't an ideal circumstance :) I know some people that are sincerely raised with the sense that they HAVE TO be the ones supporting and taking care of their parents, which is a nice thing but shouldn't be to the point where the parents aren't doing anything for themselves anymore when they're fully capable, relying on their son and prohibiting him from living his life. Some cultures blatantly live by "a son's most important job is to look after his parents and take care of them" which I think is crock - they must realize that once you become an adult, leave the nest, it's time to fulfill your own dreams, establish a career and have a family of their own.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      That is just one of the stories! He is in a wonderful relationship now with just his mother!

    • Cosmic Bus profile image

      Cosmic Bus 5 years ago from Maryland

      Great article! Telling you to pay half the electric bill? Unbelievable!

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Great attitude... Very healthy parenting. I feel the same way!

    • phoenix2327 profile image

      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      My husband had always been close to his mother and loved her dearly. She was a very kind lady. Luckily, my husband enough love for me and his Mom. While I knew he would always look after her, I never felt neglected or second best. And she always made me feel welcomed. It was a welcome change from the last boy I dated who always put his mother ahead of everyone including himself.

      I have a son who I'm close to but I don't expect him to devote his life to me. I encourage him and my daughters to go out and experience life and find what or who makes you happy. Just drop me a line now and then, that's all I ask.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      It was so loving for you to give them wings! Your a great Dad!

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      Dennis L. Page 5 years ago from New York/Pennsylvania border

      Voted up, awesome, useful and interesting. I don't know why some men allow their mothers to rule the roost...even if it isn't their roost. These guys need to put on their big boy pants, but some are so emotionally whipped by their moms they are like limp noodles. As a father of 3 adult daughters I like to say, "I gave them roots and I gave them wings and now the rest is up to them."

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Yes we can learn from our past. I do however end up making the same errors with the opposite sex! UGH! But, I have become less afraid of hurting someones feeling ans setting better boundaries!

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      Kathleen Kerswig 5 years ago

      I've been in that situation and it was very difficult for me. I did not have any understanding of boundaries at all so I couldn't possibly set them in the first place. To this day, I cringe at some of the memories I have of trying to be the perfect "girlfriend" to her son. I have learned to set boundaries these many years later. Everything is a lesson. Everything can help me learn something. Sometimes I learn how I should act towards others; sometimes I learn how NOT to act. It's up to me to observe and adapt the lessons to my life. Thanks for sharing this! Great hub!

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      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      I love the way you wrote this. It is lighthearted but touches on a sad (but true) subject. Your examples are spot on and add tremendously to this piece. Over two thousand years is a long time to have meddling, controlling mother-in-laws...looks like they're not going anywhere so when you see one run the other way!

      Voted up, useful, interesting and awesome.

    • The Dirt Farmer profile image

      Jill Spencer 5 years ago from United States

      Interesting, Angela. And sad. Don't you think the son has to be the one to take the initiative and chew himself free?

    • profile image

      Derdriu 5 years ago

      Angela, What an amusingly poignant write-up of a sad problem that causes quite a bit of humiliation, pain and suffering to everyone involved (even if the doer doesn't see it that way)!

      Respectfully, and with many thanks for sharing and with a big Welcome to HubPages, Derdriu

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      It is soo sad when a Mama won't let go or vice versa. Thank goodness i've never experienced this. Enjoyed this well written topic...

    • BeyondMax profile image

      BeyondMax 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      This is just so awesome hub, well described and expressed! It is like sort of manipulative emotional bullying that masked as 'motherly love'. Everything is turned upside down, inside out and look how many people suffer from it... Sad, even tragic.

    • Jean Bakula profile image

      Jean Bakula 5 years ago from New Jersey

      My husband was his Mom's favorite, and his sister always resented that. When I met him, her nasty attitude extended to me, and she was never a decent Aunt to our son. My M-in-law was one of the laziest women I ever met, but I knocked myself out to please her. I look back and wonder why I let her intimidate me so much. But now I think it was his fault, because at one point he should have manned up and said, "I'm married now. That doesn't mean I love you less, but I must move on with my life." It could have saved a lot of grief. I was close to my parents, but I used to visit them on my own when he was out, I never invited them to our house so I had to wait on them hand and foot. It's a good topic, because many people have issues with inlaws. It has to get out into the open as soon as the relationship is serious. In their case, it was a family who never discussed their emotions, but for some reason he was OK about that with me. I've made up my mind that when my son falls in love, I'm going to love whoever she is. I welcome an addition to the family!

    • meow48 profile image

      meow48 5 years ago from usa

      wow... the opposite could also be true. my mother-in-law was so glad to see me get together with her son, i should have been forewarned... still have goosebumps just thinking about that relationship... great hub. really liked the way you presented it. hope you have better luck next time. take care.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I will check this out!

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      haha...angela. This is such a hilarious hub yet true. Inlaws sure can de-spark any relationship and bring strain to it.

      I have written a similar hub address "his mother" titled as, "A Motherinlaw". You should check it out...lol

      voted up as funny and useful

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      :)

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Yes it is such a selfish way for a parent to act. I believe it is out of fear of losing the childs love. Also I question why people can't except that it is possible to love more than one person at a time!

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      Thomas Silvia 5 years ago from Massachusetts

      Hi Angela i can relate to this hub i have a friend who's husband is like that and an uncle that is like that. The sad thing about that is both wifes have taking up where the mothers have left off, my aunt will treat and talk to her husband like he was a five year old,and thinks that this is normal .

      Vote up and more !!!

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 5 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      Yep, Yep.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      If they could only see the damage they are causing the very thing they hold so dear.

      Insteresting hub

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 5 years ago from Houston, Texas

      This apparently happens quite often...thus, the frequent mother-in-law jokes. Not so funny though in real life! Interesting hub!

    • traslochimilano profile image

      traslochimilano 5 years ago from USA

      Nice Post......

    • Jlava73 profile image

      Jennifer Vasconcelos 5 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

      It can be tough to let go - but as a parent you also want your children to be Happy and lead great lives. Anything else is very unnatural.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 5 years ago from TEXAS

      Yes, that's just how it is for the 'victims', and I can think of them in no other way. The mothers involved must surely harbor and suffer from some horrid scars of their own and then inflict them on their own children. If the children can ever summon the courage to escape, the mothers are surely devastated and bitter. There are no winners in such circumstances.

      Real love rejoices in the progress and growth of the loved one, especially parental love for the child it has brought into the world and nurtured during the formative time.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      It is just awfull! My heart goes out to the people that live in a dictatorship in a free country!

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 5 years ago from TEXAS

      I know OF a mother like that and personally KNOW one, except that she has tied her daughter, now 51, with such a noose.

      It's such tragedy.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Yess that is our job!!! I don't know how that just can not be explained to some parents? Sad in the end for everyone! Thank you!

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      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      I think that some parents fail to realize their job is to love their children, train them well and then set them loose to live out what they've been taught. That means leave them go to prove you taught them well.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      So since you refer to him as your first husband I am assuming the moving back in with mom was the end of that marriage? I also had a horrible time with both parents of first husband. It is hopefull to hear you found a good one the second time.

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      Joyce Haragsim 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

      I had a slightly diffferent situation with my first husband. He became a momma's boy once we were married. I have to admit she was a very nice lady. He never showed this trait before we were married. Three years later I told to go and live with her. I always had trouble with my Father in law, we didn't like each other at all.

      Second time around no mother-in-law, maybe this is a good thing.

      Voted up and awesome, Joyce.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I am glad that everyone got along in the end and sad to hear about the loses! It sounds as his mom did some crazy things with the intentions of helping him out. I am glad she turned around before any of the relationships were truly harmed. Thank you for your comment and sharing. Have a great day!

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      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and interesting. I met my second husband at the time when he was going through a bad time with his wife. His daughter and son were being pulled in both directions usually with the wife winning. His mother thought it was the worst thing on earth for him to find comfort with me.Even going as far as trying to lock him in his room and throwing a pot at him. Much later on when the relationship had come to a complete end and his wife was doing anything and everything to make some more trouble for him it was at that time that his mom came to realize who to back. Luckily she saw the light in time and backed her son and we became quite close. The final conclusions to this story are his children are now grown and close to us. His daughter is in her late twenties and his son is thirty and married. We all get along fine. On a sad note his ex-wife died two years ago from cancer and his mom passed away from cancer in 2003. We have now been together for 18 years.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Sad ending. It is so frustration when you see what is going to eventually destroy your relationship but, can't stop it!

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      Murphy 5 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      They thought nobody could ever be good enough for their little girl... Until the one who was ?, left tired from proving myself... It was not until then that they realized that I actually was the one good enough... Yet the damage was done... And kudos to them for learning of, and stopping the conditions that again, enabled it... Their mistakes in relationship management cost us all what could have been... Never compete with a fathers pride when his pretty little girl is by his side.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Wow I as trying to see this in the reverse. Obviously, Mothers that make relationships imposible are selfish with their sons affection. However, I would doubt that is the case with the wealthy fathers. I guess possible they would want the assurance that they couldn't be compared to as the " #1 guy in their daughters life, but, I'm gona have to do some investigating to see it in the reverse. What exactly other than the parents giving her money did they do to help destroy the relationship?

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      Murphy 5 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Very capable as she too earned a great living on her own... She was a smart, hard worker... Yet still dependant on everybody because nothing was ever enough... Maybe not so much spoiled as much as she was 'conditioned' to believe that nothing was enough for his little girl... Knowing he was the only one who could truly afford her... Irony being that she was cut off after the divorce... No more gravy train because they saw losing me as a mistake they should no longer enable... So her parents learned, and it was at our expense.

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Was she capable of earning a living? Did her parents like to keep her dependant on them? Or was just spoiled as in "Rotten?"

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      Murphy 5 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Unfortunately toooo true for me... Obviously his money given was easier for her conscious to spend than my money earned and shared that left her feeling guilty... With that back-drop ?... I look forward to your version of that story... It will be fun to see how close you get.

      *smiles*

    • Angela Brummer profile image
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      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      I will write that one for you... yours is a true story!

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      Murphy 5 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      Now make it a father in law with noose like suspenders replacing the apron strings, and you would have my story... Forever his little girl stuck in his vice ($$$) and I could not get her out.