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Hogan's Heroes Fan Script
As I usually do when driving, I start imagining different things and ideas whether they be movies, TV shows, science events or so forth. I once though out two TV documentary from two old CBS TV shows, Alice and The Jeffersons, while my two kids were getting their teeth cleaned at the dentist. Hogan’s Heroes is one of the TV shows I like that never had an ending. So to pass the time I came up with one. I’m not really great at writing things down as I imagine them but I can give a cliffs notes version of the movie.
A few actors come to mind as to what characters to play in the movie. Michael Weatherly (NCIS) as Hogan, David Tennant (Dr. Who) as Newkirk, Bill Nighy as Klink, Robbie Coltrane (Harry Potter’s Hagrid) as Shultz, Rowan Atkinson as Colonel Crittendon, Michael Chiklis( The Shield) as Patton, D.L. Hughley as Kinchloe, Kyle Grooms as Baker and Seann William Scott as Carter. Truefully, I don’t know any short French actors to play LeBeau.
The movie opens as the team is out preparing to sabotages a railroad line. As the train blows up they head back to Stalag 13 which starts the opening theme song similar to the TV opening. As the credits finish we see the daily life of Stalag 13 with the prisoners basically running the camp without the German guards aware of the situation. New prisoners are arriving as Klink talks to Hogan about a meeting he will be attending with other Prison Camp Commanders.
As Shultz leaves with Klink to attend the meeting Hogan gets word from London about an update of the war and needs info about German defenses in their area. As the team works with the underground to gather info, General Burkhalter arrives and wants to speak with Hogan. Instead of talking in Klink’s office they walk around the camp as Burkhalter tells Hogan that the war may be ending soon as the Allies are getting closer to the area and that he plans to go to Berlin to attend a meeting with Hitler. They make jokingly chit chats comments about the war to which Burkhalter becomes very serious. He tells Hogan about the meeting Klink is attending as well as admitting to Hogan about the concentration camps. A plan is being considered by the Gestapo to exterminate all prisoners of war and to have Prison Camp Commanders given a tour of the facility to create a timetable on moving all prisoners to be exterminated. Then all prison guards will be sent to Berlin to stop the Russian advance towards Berlin.
As Burkhalter prepares to leave he hints that Hogan is the one running the camp and asks Hogan to keep an eye on Klink. Stating that Klink may be an idiot but not the like the ones running the war. As he leaves Hogan is puzzled by Burkhalter comments but quickly contacts London as well as the underground to verify Burkhalter claim. By the next day all info is checked out and Hogan is ordered to evacuate all camp prisoners as soon as possible. They are given 48 hours to leave as the weather will clear for planes to arrive to pick them up s well as other routs through the Underground for everyone to escape. As Klink returns to camp he is drop off at his quarters as Shultz parks the car and goes into the barracks to speak with Hogan. Shultz looks worried and isn’t in a joking mood as the prisoners try to get information from him.
Shultz keeps telling Hogan to get out as soon as possible going as so far as walking over to the bunk bed to open the trap door and ordering them to leave. He states ‘I usually say that I know nothing but after the last couple of days, I wish it was true.’ Hogan goes to see Klink who is sitting in a chair with a bottle of alcohol in one hand and a gun in the other. As they talk Klink is torn from being a German and a military officer. It takes a while but he listens to Hogan and doesn’t kill himself. Hogan keeps his men watching him just in case.
As Shultz returns to his quarters he starts babbling to the other guards about what he saw as he eventually passes out from drinking too much from the alcohol he got from the prisoners. In Berlin Burkhalter gets word that a spy at Stalog 13 has uncover Hogan’s entire operation. He leaves for Stalag 13 before Hochstetler hears the report. As Burkhalter arrives back at camp; Klink is drunk and starts to let Burkhalter have it. Burkhalter listens and basically understands why Klink is saying the thinks he is says as Hogan tries to stop Klink from talking. They are interrupted as Hochstetter arrives with Gestapo men to arrest Klink, Hogan and his men. As they rounded up an allied unit arrives. (A TV show called Patton 360 explains that Patton sent a unit to rescue his son in law from Stalog 13) A firefight starts up with the prisoners caught in the middle.
The camp is temporarily liberated as everyone takes off especially since the Gestapo knows everything now. Many of the prisoners are quickly caught and as everyone is brought back into camp and are prepares to be executed by Hochstetter who has lost patience and wants to kill them instead of taking them all to Berlin. Before the first prisoner is killed another fight breaks out. The Luftwaffe guards, after listening to Shultz about the concentration camps, plans to kill the prisoners and send all available troop to protect Berlin from the Russians, turn against the Gestapo. Led by Shultz, they fire onto the Gestapo guards and save the prisoners. As Hochstettter attempts to kill Hogan, he himself is killed by Klink who still has his gun in his coat pocket. The fighting ends as the prisoners and guards cheers Klink’s name.
Klink feeling like the King of the world until Patton shows up and all the injured people are treated. Burkhalter with Hogan formally surrenders as Patton says ‘Well done Nimrod’. Burkhalter has been a spy for the Allies. Hogan is dumbfounded as Burkhalter says something like ‘I am a German officer not a Nazi. If I had told you who I was then I would have been endangering my life if you and your men had been caught. But I knew everything about your operations but I had to look the other way to protect myself as well as you and your men.’ Klink never hears this conversation because he and the other guards are being put into trucks to leave for an American prison camp. As they leave, the camp is burned down and all the former prisoners return to England. Burkhalter takes Hogan and Patton to the concentration camp ending the first part of the movie.
After the war had finished and Russia seals off part of Berlin as well as other parts of Germany, Hogan gets a message from Shultz who is in the part of Germany being controlled by Russia. Not so much as a letter of please come and help me but a letter saying he is sorry for what he has done to them, asking for forgiveness and to let him know that they may never see each other again and he has always thought of Hogan as a friend. Hogan learns that Russia has closing off the part of Germany Shultz is in and after a debate with himself he ask permission to go in and rescue Shultz.
He is denied permission saying it’s too dangerous to risk good men to save an old German. And a former prison guard at that. Hogan says Shultz is more that that. He is a drinking buddy when you want to celebrate or to get over bad news. He loves the ladies and is always a gentleman to them. Hogan states their operations at Stalog 13 were saved many times by Shultz and that orders or not he and his men were going in to get Shultz out. Hogan’s commanding officer says something like; with all that you and your men have done I can’t stop you but while you are in that region keep tabs on the Russian troop movement.
The old team is put back together and prepares for their mission to proceed into occupied territory. Hogan’s commanding offer enters to inform Hogan a German guide will help them in their mission. Thinking it’s a member of the underground Hogan is eager to work with him or her but is shock as is the rest of the team to see Klink enter the room. After a few joking comments at Klink’s expense, Klink says he volunteered for the mission because of all the people he served with; Shultz is like a friend and deserve a better life. And by morning the team sets out to go behind Russian lines to rescue Shultz.
They sneak into Russian controlled area where they are met with other former German Military officers also gathering intel on Russian troop movements. They are taken to a hotel not far from Shultz home for the night to hide out as Russian troops are moving through the area. It looks like a quiet night until a car pulls up and a couple enters the hotel. As Hogan’s men pretend to work at the hotel preparing to tell the guest the hotel is full are shocked to see that one of those people is Marya. Hogan is shocked as Klink says something like; welcome to the Russian front.
Marya convinces them to let them stay as well as keeping it a secret that she recognizes Hogan and his men. Later on she meets with Hogan and Klink and let them know it was her that got Shultz’s letter out of occupied German area. She knew Hogan would stop at nothing to save Shultz and they could be together again. LeBeau is basically drooling and testifying that she is always on their side. Everyone is a little relaxed until the other gentleman joins the group with a gun pointing at them. He is ready to arrest them as American spies as Klink says I’m not American, I’m a German so I can’t be a spy. The Russian man says; you’ll still be a dead spy.
Marya breaks the tension and says she needs Hogan and his men help them on a mission then they, as well as Shultz, can safely return to England. She explains that there are Russians who do not support Stalin plan to start another war to take over all of Europe just like Hitler did. Figuring America and England would not have the resources, they would concede to a Russian controlled Europe. Hogan freaks out thinking she wants him and his men to go to Moscow and cause a revolution. But Marya says that they only need to delay the Soviet troops and keep them from invading all of Berlin as well as the rest of Europe. Just long enough for the other Allied Nations to build their troop levels up to counter a Soviet attack.
Hogan makes contact with London and is ordered to assist Marya and her people. They have to delay the Soviet troops for a few days until America and England can get all their equipment in place to counter the Soviets. They gear up in Soviet uniforms with fake documents and proceed to do what they do best. Blast railroad lines and Soviet convoys. Everything is going OK until one night as they prepare to blowup one convoys line that the lead truck gets a flat tire. The driver and a few Soviet guards get out and start changing the tire. It is at this moment that Hogan and his men see that the driver is Shultz. Like many Germans at this time, they take whatever work they can find in order to feed their family.
They approach the convoy dressed in Soviet uniforms and play up the part as Field Commanders inspecting the area. Shultz see’s one of Hogan’s men and on instinct pretends to look away and pretend he didn’t see them. As the tire is changed and Shultz gets ready to get into the truck Hogan gets an idea and arrest Shultz saying that this is Commandant Klink of Stalag 13. Klink starts to say something but quickly realizes the situation and shuts up. Shultz realizes what Hogan is doing and pretends to start acting like Klink to the point that Klink can’t bare to take it anymore. Klink is handed over to Hogan as the convoy start off to where it blows up a few miles down the road.
The guerrilla tactics work and the Soviet general put in charge of a European invasion is killed during one of Hogan’s bombing missions. Minus a briefcase of Soviet intel. He is replaced by a member of Marya’s group who puts the invasion on hold until further noticed. By this time Hogan receives word that everything is ready in Europe to counter a Soviet invasion. The team makes their way to Shultz home and is shocked to see his family. He and his wife are getting older but his kids look great. His son is big, good looking and strong while his two daughters are drop dead gorgeous. All the men can’t take their eyes off of them until Shultz yells at them. He says something like; I might have been a stupid bumbling prison guard but I’m not that man when it comes to protecting his daughters.
They all pack up and leave together as Marya ask Hogan to stay with her. He backs out as a gentleman but Lebeau ask to marry her instead. She kisses Lebeau and as Hogan, acts as a lady and says she needs to stay in Russia to free her people. They arrive at Berlin and are nearly caught until they get inside an old building that borders a makeshift wall being built to separate the city. As they are coming up with an idea as how to get out, Klink gives them the idea of just tunnel their way out. And for a few days they proceed to dig a tunnel as an American units dig on the other side. The two tunnels meet up and everyone leave through the tunnel. Marya says goodbye to Hogan and his men and leaves. Many other Germans who heard about the tunnel through the Underground use it to get out of East Germany.
The movie ends as Shultz and his families are setup in a new home, Klink, for his helping Hogan is given a pardon and a new position in the new German Military. Now as General Klink he is basically a desk general in charge of bookkeeping. The rest of the team goes their own way as some retire and some stay with the military. The movie ends with Hogan getting into a car leaving with Hilda.
Well that’s my idea of a Hogan’s Heroes movie. Like I said earlier this is a rough draft or cliffs note version of the one I already thought out in my head.
© 2010 melmika