How to avoid the Jehovah's Witnesses on your doorstep.
I have no problem with people having a different religion to mine, after all, each to their own, and there are so many religions that are 'popular', each follower apparently believing their chosen religion, and only theirs, is the correct one, (everyone else must be wrong, mustn't they?). No, my problem is not specifically with the difference of opinion on religious choice, (after all, I converted from Church of England, following a Catholic School early education, to being a Pagan!). My problem mainly lies with my privacy being invaded at often very inconvenient times, and by people trying to tell me my choice is wrong, and then trying to force their own religion on to me instead. I suspect many of you know which religion I am talking about by now (the title of this hub was a bit of a give away), yes, I am referring to Jehovah's Witnesses.
Now I don't know about you, but I have somehow been unlucky enough to have Jehovah's witnesses try to visit me on a number of awkward or annoying occasions. For example, when I have been enjoying a long soak in the bath, when I have been making love, when I have been cooking and when I am in the middle of watching a very enjoyable TV programme. I am so polite that I find it very difficult to say "buggar off, I'm busy", so I usually end up having a polite conversation with them on my doorstep, even if still clad only in my dressing gown or bathrobe!
The last significant experience I had was when I made the mistake of allowing a couple of nice young male 'Witnesses' into my home when I lived in England. I told them I was a Pagan, more specifically a 'Wiccan', thinking they might accept this and leave me alone in my beliefs. Not so, my sources that had previously told me Jehovah's Witnesses leave Pagans alone because it is the hardest religion to 'break', were apparently wrong. My statement just acted as a 'gauntlet thrown down', in other words, I became a challenge. When they eventually left I was given a heap of 'Watchtower Magazines', one of which included a large article on the evils of Pagansim and Wicca as a religion. After reading them through briefly out of morbid curiosity, I quickly dispatched these to the bin, which in my opinion was where these bigoted articles deserved to be.
I have since read some interesting pieces of advice on how to avoid Jehovah Witnesses, and I decided to put these all in one place, hopefully with a humorous slant that will appeal to my readers, (although I somehow doubt I shall amuse the Jehovah Witnesses that read this). If it helps at all, one of my neighbours is a Jehovah Witness, but thankfully she is not one of the 'knocking on doors' variety, and does not force her religion down other people's throats. Additionally I have spoken to friends of mine who also know 'Witnesses' , and they have told me their Jehovah Witness friends are not of the questionable belief that blood transfusions should not be allowed, (even if their own child's life depends on it) and that they are not all inclined to force feed others their beliefs in a 'Pâté Foie Gras' style. This much is a relief, but it still leaves me wanting to maintain both my religious and personal privacy, and not be approached with a view to being 'saved' by any religious group.
So here goes with my advice on how to avoid the Jehovah's Witnesses on your doorstep.
1) Hide.... honestly, this really works. My Husband did this only the other day. I heard the knock on the door, and called out to him to answer it. He rapidly appeared in the room I was in with vigorous 'shushing' motions, whispering that the Jehovah's Witnesses were outside and he had seen them working their way around our complex. Apparently they nearly missed our front door because it hasn't got a name above it, but one sharp eyed 'Witness' spotted it, and decided to 'give it a go', resulting in my Husband and I hiding in the upstairs bedroom for several minutes until the area was 'safe'. We later found out our neighbours had done exactly the same!!
2) My Mum's recommended method, quickly devised upon coming home to find my Stepfather had, in error, allowed two female Jehovah's Witnesses into their living room. She told them that we were all Catholics and both her daughters had received a Catholic education. This did the trick and they soon left, blissfully unaware that none of the family are actually Catholics.
3) A fellow hubber suggested this one ages ago. Answer the front door wearing a large flowing robe, and explain you can't speak to them right now as you are busy and need to go slaughter a goat for your altar. A lengthy knife in one hand, (with a bit of carefully applied ketchup), can add to the authenticity of your claim.
4) A gamble, but I have known of people who have been brave enough to invite the Jehovah's Witnesses into their home, purely to debate the issue of their religion with them. In some cases I have heard of, (at least one a fellow hubber), they actually talked their visitors around, and the Witnesses left questioning their own beliefs and what they had been taught, largely because they were young themselves, and had never yet questioned what they had been told in any depth. As far as I know they never returned, so obviously they were the converts, and not the other way around!
5) An excellent one I found on the Internet was: "A friend claims that when Jehovah's Witlesses knock on her door, her first response is to ask for their address. When they ask why she wants to know, she says it is so she can visit them to push her beliefs. So far, none of them have given their address. It also marks the end of the interview".
6) Answer the door naked.... need I say more!
7) Point out that according to their own beliefs only 144,000 of them are going to Heaven, so statistically the odds are against them being one of the lucky ones, leaving you as a 'new convert' with no hope.
8) Actually this one is not funny, but should be mentioned as it is quite shocking, "
There is an article on the official Jehovah's Witness website about child abuse. It states that if a Jehovah's witness child accuses another JW of abuse, the child must first try to reconcile the problem with that molester. If the abuser denies abuse then no further action will be taken as Jehovah will sort it!!!!!!!!!!!! No mention of the police or other authorities!
9) Post a notice on your front door stating that you are off donating blood to the local blood bank (totally against their religion).
10) Advise them that your Horoscope said you should beware of visiting strangers with a message!! (Horoscopes a big no no to Jehovah's Witnesses). Actually, for a full, and quite shocking list of what Jehovah's Witnesses are apparently not allowed to do... go to this link and prepare to fall over backwards at the list you will be confronted by.