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How to Make Millions Writing for HubPages*| Five Easy Steps to Make Money Writing Online.*| Get Rich Quick Schemes.*

Updated on July 30, 2014
This could be yours.
This could be yours.
A fistful of Benjamins.
A fistful of Benjamins.
Money will fly out of your laptop.
Money will fly out of your laptop.
Your computer will become a money maker!
Your computer will become a money maker!
You could do this and go to prison!!!
You could do this and go to prison!!!
Enuff said!
Enuff said!

* Results will vary or may cause jail time.

If one has spent any time on Hubpages at all, one has read a plethora of Hubs telling one how to make money on Hubpages. I have even seen new hubbers write his/ her very first hub about how to make money or immense amounts of money on Hubpages. Since I love being helpful to mortals, I have decided to put my two cents in and tell people how they can make millions of dollars writing for Hubpages or online. All that I ask is that when you make your millions, you remember to send me a cash gift, and if you get in trouble for doing anything you read about in this hub, that you forget about me entirely!

1. Become a famous author (as famous as Stephen King, Dan Brown, or J.k. Rowling), and then start writing Hubs for Hubpages. What? Why would you write for Hubpages when you already have a huge audience and are making millions? I said that I would tell you how to make millions of dollars on Hubpages. I did not say that my ideas were good ones or, as you will see, that they are moral or legal.

2. Read a Hub about how to forge money and start forging a new future! True, that you might get caught and go to prison, but at least you will have a roof over your head, three square meals, health care, and a dental plan.

3. Blackmail your neighbors, coworkers, friends, and family on Hubpages! Hubpages states that they have over 50,000 million readers each month. Threatening to air someone’s dirty laundry to 50,000,000 million readers a month should get them to cough up the big bucks. Okay, you probably will be fined, and, yes, you might have to do jail time if caught. In addition, it is also true that your friends and family will probably disown you, but you want to make the big bucks.

4. Start a pyramid scheme, um, opportunity on Hubpages. All you need to do is send me a thousand dollars (as a gift), and then set up a Hub asking other people to send you $1.00. They in turn set up their own hubs asking for $1.00 (they in turn will send you 20 cents of every dollar) and so on and so on and so on. Okay, pyramid schemes are illegal and, true, Hubpages will shut your hub down so fast that your head will spin, and you will be out a $1,000; however, you will be making bank until you are caught! Okay, maybe not bank, but you will be on your way (and jail has its benefits).

5. Write some quality hubs and use the number of people who visit your hub or the number of people who leave comments on your hub to pick your Lotto Numbers. So, if 35 people visit you Hub on a particular day, pick 35 as a Lotto Number. Or, contact some of the hubbers who claim that they are psychic and have them give you the winning lotto numbers (of course, if they are psychic, they would have already won the lottery). In either case, be sure to cut me a check to show me your gratitude for making you rich.

In closing, one can really make money (not necessarily millions) by writing on Hubpages; however, there is some effort involved. I really do suggest that you read hubs about how to make money on Hubpages or online, and use the other tools that Hubpages provides to make your endeavors at Hubpages as successful as they can be. Furthermore, I strongly suggest that you do not learn how to forge money from a fellow hubber, or blackmail anyone, or start a pyramid scheme to make millions on Hubpages (I was only joking people).

Filthy, Stinking Rich Poll!

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    • pmorries profile image
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      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Rodric29, yep, with time you could make hundreds (minus my cut of course).

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      One man's crazy is another man's genius.

    • pmorries profile image
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      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      I will eagerly watch my mail box for my cut. Unless...you get caught. Otherwise, who are you again?

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      I also offer some great advice on how to deal with HOAS and neighbors.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Just remember to put my cut in the mail, an d to forget my name- if you get in trouble.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Rodric29, yep, with time you could make hundreds (minus my cut of course).

    • profile image

      Rodric29 4 years ago

      In other words, as I type upon revisiting this hub, there is now way to make millions on Hubpages! Maybe hundreds? I can be a hundredaire!

    • KenDeanAgudo profile image

      Kenneth C Agudo 4 years ago from Tiwi, Philippines

      lol i thought I will find a nice tips but i find crazy ones but i enjoyed it , hahaha

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Very funny and great advice too. I just tacked an anonymous note on my neighbor's door and expect to have a bag of cash at the dead drop between our houses. He'll never suspect it was me.

      Up!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      Oh dear (holding my sides), I don't like my neighbors anyway ;)

      Seriously this was great. Taking a subject that has been beaten to death and raising it up and making it fun! Really fun to read, as the cream does, this one should rise to the top!

      Voted up, funny, and interesting.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 4 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      I'm gonna try all these today. LOL

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      4wardthinker, not honorable! Not honorable! Most of them are not even legal!! Thank you for feedback.

    • 4wardthinker profile image

      4wardthinker 4 years ago from Sierra Nevada CA

      Fun read! Thanks for giving us a good laugh. I always wonder about those hubbers who are giving advice on how to make $ on hubpages. What are they thinking? At least you are giving honest (not honorable) advice.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      epigramman, okay, okay, you have won the job as my new PR man!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      It will be a no brainer to follow someone as brilliant as you my friend.

      Just take a look at my numbers on my page and I haven't made one penny. That must make me the biggest idiot on this site. lol

      Love your obvious world class wit and sarcasm to match - and what is so genius about your writing is that you tell the truth - lol - sending my warmest wishes your way - I will definitely be back to read more - your writing is just too good to pass up and miss - I wish you would get more readers because you're fookin' awesome buddy - lake erie time ontario canada 12:02am

    • cianeko profile image

      Cianeko Abueva 4 years ago

      Pyramid scam caused a retired teacher here in our place to commit suicide. All her retirement payments were looted from her.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      I too enjoy a laugh while hub hopping.

    • pmorries profile image
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      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      I am still working on my first $50 bucks. There is copper in them hills.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      What a brilliant idea. I may have to steal, um, borrow it sometime.

    • pmorries profile image
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      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      I agree wholeheartedly with your comment.

    • pmorries profile image
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      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      That one was too easy, and I did not want to push my luck :0

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Thank you for reading my hub and sharing.

    • pmorries profile image
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      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      phdast7, I would hate to ruin a newbies dream and thanks for the compliments.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      cam8510, thank you for reading my hub, and I will try to throw a haymaker next time.

    • Rodric29 profile image

      Rodric Johnson 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Sweet. A bit of a laugh makes the hub hopping go better.

    • profile image

      marellen 4 years ago

      You had me worried. I thought maybe I missed something here on HubPages but I knew this is not the place to make millions. I will say after 13 months on Hubs, I did receive my first $50 bucks. Thanks for the fun hub............

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

      Hahahahahahaha!!!!!! Hilarious, love it, thanks for the laugh. Hey, how about a Bernie Madoff-type to "hold" the $2 a month we make so it will grow faster for quicker payout. Haha!

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 4 years ago

      Fun to read. If only making money on Hp or any other writing sites were that easy.

    • molometer profile image

      molometer 4 years ago

      You missed the most obvious...Own Hubpages! : ) Fun hub.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      So funny!! Sharing this one!

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      This remains the very best "How to get Rich on HP" essay that I have ever read. Great stuff. :) This should be required reading for all newbies. :)

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 4 years ago from Maple City, Michigan

      Very funny hub and a nice jab at those who feed us get rich schemes. Thanks for the chuckle.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      I am serious, I am just not sure what I am serious about; however, I thank you for your kind words.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Yep, I tell people how to make outrageous amounts of money in a realistic way (or not).

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Kathleen, I thank you for your kind words, and I might have to write more hubs about making money on Hubpages.

    • pmorries profile image
      Author

      pmorries 4 years ago from Golden, CO

      Theresa, I hope that family member is feeling better now, and I wish you and your family blessings too.

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 4 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      A funny hub. Most hub I read about money making are serious. Yours is absolutely worth to read. Voted up and funny

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 4 years ago from USA

      I've seen those too - the ones that say how to get rich on HubPages, and then see that the Hubber is new and has only written a few articles with no comments and are obviously not ones that would make anyone rich. Your advice actually seems more realistic than those, simply more outrageous!

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      In my experience the best way to make money on HubPages is to write a hub on how to make money on HubPages. Of the many I've read, for pure enjoy(ment value - yours was the best. :)

      (phdast7: Welcome back!)

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Hey Patrick - I was getting worried. Hadn't seen you in a while. I was out of commission myself for over five weeks looking after a very sick family member. Trying to catch up on grading history papers and HP reading...kind of overwhelming. I enjoyed this...well done. I hope all i well with you and your family. Blessings. ~~Theresa