Hubbie Awards: Vote For Me
Say my name
Easy to pronounce, easy to type. All 6 letters smoothly roll off your fingers onto your keyboard, nestle into your browser, and drift through the Internet to be gratefully received by HubPages. We want this to happen.
My avatar rocks your world. It features all my hard-earned HubPages medals adorning a bird house from which my horse head protrudes. Imagine the time and effort and expertise with MS Paint going into such a graphic. You're welcome.
Your avatar may also be wonderful and no doubt I would love it. I would fawn over it like a honey bee on a Junior Mint. When you vote for me I will no doubt do that for you.
No Product Capsules
As a special favor to all my dear readers, this hub contains no spammy elements. I eschewed product capsules. Surely the urge to sell you stuff proves overwhelming, but you will have to peruse alternative compositions. I encourage you to browse my 5000-word epic "Buy Football" for voluminous versions of products available for purchase.
I care about each and every one of you
Deeply, I care. I craft my compositions carefully. I studiously study how each dangling participle might affect your life. Surely as you hang on my every word you realize precisely how deep is my love for all of you. I never deploy run-on sentences without a valid and current poetic license.
I am a Compassionate Conservative
Yes, it is possible to embrace Big Business while enveloping the Working Poor in a cocoon of consideration. We can have it both ways and I can show you the way. You may fervently assert that we sentient humans have a right to health care: my hubs gently nudge your group-think back onto the proper path. I'm here to help.
Some of you favor same-sex marriage for unwed hamsters receiving welfare while eating government cheese in HUD-funded cages. I respectfully disagree. We all need responsibility and accountability in order to flourish. Your immediate opportunity to flourish hovers into your face right now: vote for me in the Hubby Awards. Nothing else you can do for me matters more.
I've been here forever
I remember when HubPages was a fledgling web page running on an Atari 800. My first hub was written with Internet Explorer 2.0. I was there when spell-check was a dream on the horizon. I still have the first 300 baud dial-up acoustic modem used to connect to HubPages 1.0.
Having been here since Bill Gates was a college drop-out, I have intimate knowledge of how HubPages works. Vote for me and I will spill my guts. I will explain precisely how long-tail keywords interact with media-rich hubs to produce Top 10 results on Google every Sunday when the moon is full. You know I know this stuff and you know you want to know it also.
You can always depend on me
When your family turns their individual and collective backs on you, I'm here for you. I will loan you words and sentences and paragraphs to finish your hubs. If you need a strategic gerund, call on me. When your writing mind goes blank, count on me to dump ideas onto your head.
The Internet is a mean place. In dark corners hackers scheme to steal your identity. Working late into the afternoon in their parents' basements, devious schemers and criminals vacuum up your identity. By this time tomorrow you will have taken out a loan on a Lear Jet. Before you know it, the IRS will be sending your tax refunds to Nepal.
Instead of worrying about identity theft, read my hubs. I offer a clear path to entertainment and information that is free of the detritus of everyday life. Your stress melts away like Junior Mints on a sidewalk in Arizona in August where there is no shade and it's, like, 3PM on a cloudless day.
I don't live here, as far as you know
Conclusion: Almost to 700 words.
As this hub comes to a close, because it needs to be at least 700 words, I conclude that you need to vote for me in the Hubby Awards. No one else deserves your votes more than I do. To be fair, no one else deserves your votes less than I do.
It has been a pleasure serving you the past 6 years on HubPages. This place would not be the same without you, or me. I look forward to winning many awards and serving them you you in the future.