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Human Evolution = One Hell of a Mess

Updated on January 31, 2014

Humans, Apes and Migration

While some of us are incredibly similar to chimpanzees, we actually never evolved from apes, there is, however, a popular belief among scientists that every creature in the world shares a common ancestor that existed about 8 million years ago, which also provides explanation to why some of us share a resemblance to some animals.

It is a common knowledge that Homo Sapiens migrated from Africa to Euroasia about 80 thousand years ago, however recent discoveries made clear that many species of humanlike creatures including Homo Erectus have been migrating all over the planet by swimming through the oceans, some of them drowned and some of them started to breathe through their anus which started the evolution of dolphins. Obesity was also a problem for Homo Erectus, and while they didn't understand how to fight obesity they evolved into whales instead of dolphins whilst swimming towards Australia.

While there are some good scientific explanations, I can't help but notice that we came from Africa, to many humans today known as "The Garden of Eden". It is widely known that earths climate and conditions on earth were different throughout the millenias, however there still remains a question of "How the hell did we came to existence on one place that has the least food and water on the entire planet?" and more importantly, if humans survived thousands of years ago in Africa (and I suppose no one brought sandwiches) why can't they now?

I have a friend that looks like one of those.. very religious type who thinks humans were created in one day.. Well she certainly looks like he rushed it
I have a friend that looks like one of those.. very religious type who thinks humans were created in one day.. Well she certainly looks like he rushed it | Source

We might be part neanderthal

Recent analysis of Neanderthal bones reveals that some of their genes made their way into the modern non-african population. Apparently while migrating from Africa Cromagnons met Neanderthals throughout Europe and Asia and they didn't have a faintest clue what to do with them, so they had sex. The fact that we know that today confirms my suspicion about some of my neighbours shouting from windows to other neighbours something along the lines of *I'm calling you on the phone to invite you to dinner!* which is a display of primitivity that proves that they are in fact direct ascendants and love children of the hippy way of life between Cromagnons and Neanderthals.

Even though I consider myself as far too evolved for this age (Homo Novus), I still have great admiration and respect towards our ancestors because of their "Make love, not war" philosophy and I think we can learn quite a great deal from them, if Americans had sex with the Japanese the whole war could've been avoided, same goes for any other war where two different human races were involved.

Only a theory?

There are many individuals that dismiss theory of evolution as "Only a theory" and that it's not to be accepted as the truth, but that only shows that these individuals don't have a clue to what the word "theory" means. Most people think that "theory" is only something a person thinks is what could've been or happened e.g."I have a theory that cats are actually people that can shapeshift", however scientifically, a theory is an explanation supported by evidence.

I bet you who are reading this claiming that evolution is only a theory.. well yes it is, and now you probably feel pretty daft.. I know I would.


Humans Were Created by Aliens

Just recently scientists from Kazakhstan proved that human DNA is encoded with extraterrestrial signal by some ancient alien civilisation...

There are some individuals in the world that constantly "feel alien" and since their DNA is encoded with the extraterrestrial signal they mostly work in telecomunications which is fortunate since we wouldn't be able to use cell phones without them, or we could, but only for playing games but then it's not a phone anymore, it's just a Gameboy.

With more answers come more questions, like "If we were created by aliens then who created them?" and the answer to that one is simple, it's "aliens aliens". The explanation to what "aliens aliens" are is simple, they are aliens to aliens that are aliens to us, if you can't wrap your head around it just read it a few more times and everything will be clear.

Apparently "aliens aliens" created the aliens like the aliens created us but with a tiny difference, they created them with bigger brains which fortunately makes them more intelligent than human beings, however their physical appearance is way worse, since in order to store that big brain they require big heads, which we all know is not attractive to anyone, not even aliens.


Whether we were created by aliens or evolved from Africa we are here now, and even though all of that is scary, we shouldn't worry, at least we're not an alien computer simulation on an alien Facebook equivalent, or at least I hope we're not.

As proven by our ancestors, life is short so have a lot of mixed racial sex and who knows, maybe you'll give birth to something entirely new.


Some views on what evolution brings from the experts


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    • cheaptrick profile image

      cheaptrick 3 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      Here's a question I've been trying to answer for a long long time...and I'm an old old guy,so that's a really long freaking time...ready?

      Why,on Star Trek,do they have to walk to the transporter room?

      I haven't slept in years...

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 3 years ago from Ohio, USA

      cheaptrick , they can beam up from just about anywhere but they can only beam down from the transporter room. My head hurts too.

    • NathaNater profile image

      NathaNater 3 years ago

      That is hilarious. One of the best things I've read in awhile.

    • Alen Ostovic profile image

      Alen Ostovic 3 years ago from Croatia

      Thank you all for your comments. I did a little research when it comes to walking to the transporter room, btw, and the only answer I came across is that walking to the transporter room is good for social bonding :)

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