ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Can't Abide...55!!

Updated on September 7, 2013

Mike's Common Sense

I came into this world at exactly 4:00am on the eighth of September, 1955. Some quick math tells me that I am going to be double nickles this year. Noooooo. I am very happy to be alive, but I can't find one good thing about turning 55. Where has all the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that I shed a tear at turning 20. I still feel the same as I did back then, but one quick look in the full length mirror (a quick look is all I can handle), tells me all I need to know.


Here is my Top Ten List of why it sucks to be 55.


10) I'm too young to retire, but too old to pick up hotties.


9) My physique used to resemble a "V". It still does, but now it is inverted.

8) I am starting to get ads in the mail for burial plots.

7) Cougars are not interested in me.


6) Social Security will be gone by the time I reach 62.


5) I am paying attention to Viagra ads.


4) Even my wife needs to be bribed to go to bed with me.


3) I see people my age and think "he's an old fuck".


2) I'm thinking of dumping my Ford Escape for a Ferrari.


And the number one reason it sucks to be 55, the only time I make women wet, is when I make them laugh, or sneeze.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 

      7 years ago

      Keep what between the two of us? LOL

    • muley84 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael A Muehleisen 

      7 years ago from Miami,FL

      Trish, lets keep get between the two of us. lol

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 

      7 years ago

      LOL, yes you would! But I doubt your wife would appreciate that :)

    • muley84 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael A Muehleisen 

      7 years ago from Miami,FL

      Hi Trish! Humm 60 year old cougars..I never thought of them. To them, even I would be sweet meat. Thanks for the tip.

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 

      7 years ago

      Hi muley!

      Let me tell ya, you think 55 is bad? Wait till you hit 60, then you can whine :) I will turn 62 in one month, and it no longer scares me.

      As far as #7 on your list, you're wrong. I find the older I get, the younger I like them. And no! I am not talking about 35 and under. I'm in an ongoing relationship with a man 22 years my junior and have been for the past 20 years.

      Think about it. A cougar knows what she wants, how to get it and how to keep it going. There are no mind games, mood swings, unrealistic expectations or demands. She is not thinking, gee, how do I get this guy to marry me, support me and on top of that, be my everything. The man in this scenario doesn't have to worry about unwanted pregnancies, a trip to the altar, feeling trapped nor building her ego. A cougar is confident in herself, and that's the appeal to a younger man, in my opinion.

      I hope you had a wonderful birthday in spite of the number :)

    • profile image

      afmuehleisen 

      7 years ago

      poor baby it beats d.i.t.g.(dead and in the ground)

    • muley84 profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael A Muehleisen 

      7 years ago from Miami,FL

      Hi Marie! I agree, thanks for the b-day wishes.

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      LOL! Its interesting, I had a dream this morning that I was telling someone, I am in my 50's but I feel I am 35! Its weird how time passes, yet on the inside we never age. I remember asking my Mother when she was in her late 70's what it was like to be older, and she told me, the body ages but the spirit does not, and she felt as young woman in an aged body.

      Happy Birthday! We baby boomers are not old, or so I like to think. :)

    • profile image

      SJM 

      7 years ago

      True all true!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)