ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Love VH1, But I Can't Stand Daisy of Love

Updated on March 18, 2011
 

I love VH1 more than a drag queen loves heels. I will pretty much consume whatever reality lasagna they are serving for dinner any night of the week. Even shows I'm not really into (hello, I Love Money), can suck me in for at least 4 episodes on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Let's put it this way, if reality TV is heroin, then Cris Abrego is my dealer.

However, I feel like ol' Cris mixed a little powdered sugar into our latest exchange with Daisy of Love. I was perplexed over Bret's attraction to her during Rock of Love. I get that he likes girls with a little bleach in the hair and a dash of silicon on the chest, but that girl has had more work done than Melissa Rivers. There's nothing more frightening than seeing a woman with a plastic face try to cry. Except when that face is covered with enough whore paint to supply a Miss Texas beauty pageant.

 

Don't get me started on those gangly things she calls arms. They seem like they're too long for her body and her shoulders don't allow them to rotate in a normal fashion. Unfortunately, she's one of those people who uses her hands a lot while speaking. This leads to some very awkward flailing about that makes me concerned for the safety of others around her.

I'm not completely shallow, you don't have to be naturally beautiful like Dr. Drew for me to give you an hour of my life each week. But during my short attempt to watch Daisy of Love, the worst parts were her commentary and interviews. She lacks the facial expressions of Flavor Flav, the pure goofiness of Real and Chance, and the ability to speak poetic crazy-talk like New York. There was nothing funny about her sidebars, her delivery was beyond cheesy, and I almost changed the channel to Room Raiders just to make the bad trip end.

Cris knows the key element that makes these show disgustingly addictive is the charisma of its stars. Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels may give you the creeps while they're tonguing down girls half their ages, but their commentary (and by commentary, I mean "Wooooow" or "Hi-yo!) is simply entertaining. New York is an absolute lunatic, but there's something about her blatant insanity and her desperate need for constant attention that draws me in every time. Do I really want to see her on a knock-off of The Simple Life on her latest show, New York Goes to Work? The logical side of my brain says no. Will I watch every episode twice? Absolutely. Why? Dr. Drew taught me that addiction is a disease, and she's been supporting my habit since the original Flavor of Love. Our codependence is simply too difficult for me to break right now. Thanks, Celebrity Rehab!

I originally thought I had finally reached my personal threshold for recycled ideas with Real Chance of Love, but those two were able to cast a spell on my DVR that forced me to tape their antics each week. Even my roommate thought they were hilarious, and he is insanely pretentious and thinks reality TV is a sign of the apocalypse.

My point here is that these characters have an inexplicable charisma that makes me gladly lose IQ points by watching every step of their quest to find booty...I mean "love." Daisy just makes me want to pluck my own eyelashes out one-by-one. I'm sure she's a lovely girl and has plenty of freaks who love her, but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with her while on my mental vacations during my escapist hours of television consumption.

To add insult to injury, the goons she's supposed to date have to be the biggest lineup of douche bags ever assembled. These are the guys who live in their mother's basements and hang out at the local 7-11 on the weekends. No thanks. If I wanted to surround myself with such miscreants, I wouldn't have left my classy hometown of Jacksonville, North Carolina where there are more tattoo parlors than the number of churches and schools combined.

All I'm sayin' is that Daisy, in my humble opinion, does not have the je ne sais quoi to carry her own show. Someone please put New York on Celebrity Apprentice so I can have something to watch during the requisite Daisy of Love marathons!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)