I Think I Got The Swine Flu
This Little Piggy... Gave Me The Flu
And all the little piggies go weeeeiiiiweeeiiiitttt weeiiiiieeee.
So as we all know the most discussed topic of the day is Swine Flu.
The hype is everywhere, on every tongue of every breathing human I have encountered so far today....plus every hour my favorite radio station keeps on bringing up more news on the swine flu, and with each and every new detail, I have managed to talk myself into thinking I have it.
I have that problem though. People start talking about an aliment they have, or a disease, and immediately I can relate- therefore I too must have the disease.
In my life so far I have managed to talk myself into these sicknesses...
1. Bird Flu
2. Mad Cow Disease
4. That crazy flesh eating disease which popped up a decade or so ago.
5. The other day I also watched a crazy scary documentary on poisoned Tylenol pills that occurred back in the 1982. I convinced myself my Tylenol was tainted as well, even though it's been nearly 30 years since the whole tainting of pills went down. I was too scared and I threw them all out.
And the latest disease for me to convince myself that I have is of course Swine Flu.
In my time I have heard of quite a few different diseases but lately a lot of those diseases have stemmed up from animals.
I'd probably be the most offended though if I werre to catch Swine Flu. I'm a vegetarian, you'd think after 10 years of being meat free, the swines would leave me alone, and infect all you scuzzy meat eater spring breaker kids.
I just hope I don't have it because it would be the worst one to have out of all of em; considering it has such an embarrassing name. Could you imagine calling in sick for this one?
'Hello Bossy wossy...I'm calling in to stay home from work today due to the swine flu'.
That's like some dirty secret you don't even want getting out. Like a friggin flower in the attic. You better hush, hush little piggy!
Anyhow, tons and tons of copy and pasted plagiarized articles have surfaced on the net regarding ways to protect yourself from this pig flu. Obvious stupid precautions that any simple minded moron already knew. Wash your hands, stay away from the sick folk, don't pick your snout... take a bath, don't play with pigs. You know the same typical bullshit any person looking to worry you would say while trying to make a few cents on a blog.
But nothing covers what to do if you think you have it!
I mean obviously you should hurry down to the ER and tell them you have the flu de la piggies, but if you ain't got no health insurance... wait... didn't I cover this issue in an older post? Ugh.
Anyway, just make sure you give anyone who coughs near you a deadly dirty look. That seems to be the trend today. Anyone who coughs is being called a swine! I coughed today, and as soon as someone called me a swine I was totally convinced I had it.