I Want to Be a Travelling Waiting Room Entertainer
THIS IS A VERY HAPPY MAN . . .
More views of the life of troubadours . . .
This Hub Is Respectfully Dedicated to a Good Friend, J.S.Matthews . . .
Call me stupid. Call me off-center. And if you dare, call me "three bricks shy of a load." I really don't care. I know what I want to be. Finally. At age 58. I want to be a travelling waiting room entertainer.
Why? Well, why not be a travelling waiting room entertainer? Or did you forget momentarily that we still live in a free country? So being a travelling waiting room entertainer makes sense. Lots of sense. Well, for me, it makes sense.
Some people my age would rather 'play it safe' Not 'rock the boat.' 'Make waves.' Just stay in their comfort zones and do safe jobs like being a greeter at Walmart. I thought about this job. Once. And didn't find it that challenging. No offense to Walmart. Being a travelling waiting room entertainer would fulfill my need for a challenge in my life. Honestly, I'm not a daredevil. I hate heights. So do not look for me to climb Mount Everest and be seen on the cover of National Geographic. But soon, you may see me on CNN doing my thing as a free-wheeling. Kiss-stealing. Devil-may-care, waiting room entertainer.
Think about it. Most hospitals of any size, have 'pink ladies,' or some other volunteer association who visit the patients. Hand-out newspapers. Talk a little while with the ailing people. And overall, just be nice. And some bigger hospitals have children's wards and clowns and entertainers who make frequent visits to bring some needed-cheer to these precious little ones. So why can't I be a travelling waiting room entertainer?
I can try, if you will bear with me, answer that in a way that will ultimately make sense to you. The waiting room is where a patient begins his or her journey back to good health. Unless they are to be carried to the emergency room, otherwise a patient with a non-life threatening sickness will visit a waiting room. And wait.
That's where I come in. And not loud. Boisterous. Or vulgar. I would enter softly. Gently. And introduce myself, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is, 'Cliff Steele,' (my show name), and I'm here to entertain you for a little while." What a surprise to the patients to see me dressed in a loud. Colorful. Baggy. Shiny three-piece suit that would make the Biblical Joseph, the boy with the multi-colored coat green (red, yellow, and blue) with envy. Why would I dress in this fashion? The first rule of entertaining is capture your audience' attention. Then keep it. Thereby you will have a better chance of succeeding. As you can see, I've done my homework.
"But, Ken," you might argue. "you have no talent." That's where you are sadly, wrong. I just happen to know six major chords on the guitar. Can hold my own at telling jokes--corny or funny. I've watched enough television comics to 'get my foot in the door,' as a waiting room entertainer. And I can flash my friendly smile and hand out compliments to the lovely ladies who are ailing in my audience. And no, my audience is not a 'captive audience,' for I would say first off, "if any of you wouldn't like to hear good music. Funny jokes. And have a good time, you may leave," this would eliminate any complaints from me 'pushing myself' on these poor. Sick people who are 'prisoners' of the waiting room.
And it's not like I have to be 'that' talented. Or be that good. I know how to carry a tune, well, once upon a time, but with a little practice, I think I can do a good version of John Denver's "Country Roads," or The Kingston Trio's "Tom Dooley," for the pleasure of my audience. I can also do a magic trick or two such as, "The Old Stand-By Quarter-Behind-The-Ear" trick what will amaze the elderly who are waiting to see their doctor.
And for the younger people, toddlers, and younger, I've got that covered with a huge selection of hand-puppets that, with my doing all the voices, will be a real treat for these youngsters with colds. Sniffles. And teething problems. Yes, ma'am. I think I can do this. Without any hitch.
Yes, I will have to get the permission of the hospital board and other authorities. And I will patiently do that. And carry a permit that says I am a travelling waiting room entertainer. And this will be a free service to the hospitals. What savings. The hospital boards will go loony when they see the word FREE on my presentation. I will though, humbly ask for donations of any type, to get me to my next waiting room 'show,' and most patients should be able to give a dollar. Maybe three. And I will not demand that they give anything at all. This for me will mostly be a 'work of faith,' and if I am successful at making one sick person laugh. Smile. Cheered up. Then it will all be worth the paperwork. Red tape. And criticisms from nay-sayers who write about me in their newspaper columns saying that I am 'a singing. Dancing. Waiting room huckster.' I can take it. I will get the endorsement of high-ranking county and state officials and do my show for them so they can make speeches telling the medical community there is nothing to fear with "Cliff Steele: Travelling Waiting Room Entertainer."
But soon, and after a few successful gigs, fame and fortune will come knocking and I will have to expand my show. Hire additional personnel. Pay them to help me out. The more we gain fame and interviews on Entertainment Tonight with Mary Hart, the more jealousy will be borne in the ranks of my crew. Then some will branch-out on their own--telling the press that 'we had creative differences,' and rumors will fly about me having illicit affairs with numerous nurses in various hospitals. My head will spin with decisions. Information. Confusion.
Soon I will have a complete mental and physical break down due to over-work. No sleep. And not eating enough. People will look at me and shake their heads as I try to conceal my identity. "Yeah, that's him! 'Cliff Steele,' the once-famous waiting room entertainer. Just look at him now!" the condemning crowds will yell as I get into my rental car from Enterprise because I had to let my yellow Rolls limousine be repossessed. I have to then leave my spacious four-bedroom home. Move into a 'flop house' on the back streets of some unknown city and depend on the goodness of others for my living as I sing for dollars and $20-dollar gift cards people put in my black hat on the sidewalk. I, of course, am in disguise. Cannot be found out. Finally hit rock bottom.
Then I have a complete nervous break down, but not serious enough for emergency medical attention. I am sent to the nearest hospital with an escort from a local mission. What good people they are to take me to where I got my start. A waiting room.
I sit down. Unnoticed. I try to be quiet. As to not draw attention to myself. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice saying, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm 'Biff Real,' the New Waiting Room Entertainer. You may know me. I was once with the legendary, 'Cliff Steele,' and his entourage of Waiting Room Entertainers.
Now I know, all too well, what it was like to to have 'a clown in a baggy green suit sing "Tom Dooley," to me while I'm sick.
Call it poetic justice. I call it 'sick.'
THESE GUYS ARE CALLED A DUO . . .
Comments
Wow, Kenneth! You cranked this one out pretty fast! I hope that your health is well and you have made all your appointments! I feel so honored for this dedication; you are a man of your word! Oh, I found you on Google+ and added you to my circles...
I am so glad that after so many doctor and hospital visits you have finally found out what you want to be when you grow up! With all humor aside, you could actually make this a reality. You could solicit your services to hospitals and doctor's offices and arrive on schedule. I bet this would go over well in a children's hospital.
Fact: When I was in high school I dated a "Candy Striper" (one of those "pink girls", not be confused with the ones that dance on a stage). Doctors say that when patients find humor they heal faster. Maybe you are on to something? You could even make a franchise out of it!
Cliff Steele. I like that. Its catchy. Like the flu, but in a good way. As always dear friend, I enjoyed the read and the laugh. Thanks for the dedication and I wish you the best on your travelling endeavors. Enjoyed the photos and captions as well. Voted up and more and sharing!
JSMatthew~
Enjoyed this piece of work Kenneth. Well done
Loved it, Kenneth! I gave you lots of votes, included up. I thought this was really funny, but I detect that you might be serious. With your wit and charm, you should go for it. What an idea. I love your writing. Very oolorful and full of life. Wonderful. Good to see you again!
I would gladly pay you a few dollars to have you entertain me and my kids in the waiting room. And it wouldn't even have to be anything fancy :) You have such a cute idea - make it more than a dream Kenneth! DO IT
Much better than outdated magazines!
OMG... This is wickedly funny my friend. You gave me a great belly laugh!!! If this doesn't work you can always be a waiting room stipper. There wouldn't be all that pressure to be funny. Stay healthy and keep writing. This humour should keep you in good health! You are still one of my very favorites!
One of my favorites, too, tammyswallow! Kenneth is very funny! I always what he will say next!?!
Very very creative title. Voted up :)
Ken, I hope that you are feeling better. You know you could be onto something here. I think this would be a fun job to do. Seriously, I've never heard of a traveling waiting room entertainer before but I think you could pull it off. You could entertain people in all the boring places that they hate waiting. Doctors offices, airports, bus stations, grocery stores while waiting to pay for their groceries. The list is endless.
I agree with Susan. I think there's a big market out there!!
Kenneth yes you could do it. You keep us entertained here on hubpages. I continually look forward to reading your hubs. They make me smile and they make me laugh in other words your hubs make my day.
Dearest Kenneth,
You always capture my attention. I think your idea to be a travelling waiting room entertainer is great. Even if I wasn't sick, I would go to the waiting room of the hospital where you were entertaining .
Voted up up and away.
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January 12,
Gee, guys and girls. I dont know where to start . . .okay, with the one who gave me this idea, J.S. Matthews, HE GETS the CREDIT..he suggested this idea...THANK YOU, J.S. for ALL of your kind remarks, comments, and suggestions. They made me feel good. AS for my health...I have some NEWS for YOU ALL: I went to my regular check up at my pain clinic in Tupelo this past Tuesday and now the doctor wants more bloodwork...worried at why IM TIRED all of the time...suggested more tests...on top of the already-monster Fibromyalgia/Neurothopy...so Im heading to my family physician next week for said studies...I will keep you all posted. Today I feel like a truck has hit me...its cold, rainy and not ideal conditions for what I have. Im glad this hub is done. I want to take a nap right now. Thanks guys, gals...YOU are ONE TERRIFIC Group of Friends, Writers and FOLLOWERS.
And if and when Im able...I might do some soliciting...to see if this idea might work.
God bless you, J.S. and All.
Kenneth
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gjfalcone....thanks, man, for the support. YOU cannot fathom just how much your remarks have cheered me up. YOU keep up those great spirit-moving hubs of yours.
Kenneth
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Dear Victoria . . .I knew it. You must be able to read aura's...I WAS somewhat serious. The Children's Hospital in Birmingham, Alabama used to have an on-staff, real clown, and I mean that with all respect, who did nothing all day but make the kids with terminal illnesses laugh...that would kill me to do this...but if a sickness wasnt terminal...I wouldnt mind, at all, to take a hit for the team..after all, life is NOT all about "ME." There are other suffering people around me. Thanks Dear Victoria...for your always-sweet comments and razor-sharp insight. I think you are not only a gifted-writer, but a gifted 'seer' too. Im serious.
Your friend, Kenneth
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Hi, Ardie...thank you, dear friend, for your sweet comment. YOU have all got me to doing some serious thinking..."Cliff Steele," what a name. Wearing a black beret, goatee, baggy, colorful suit, with guitar and maybe "Grover," my grape-loving rheeses monkey....wow what a second career this would be. Thanks for the support, Ardie. You have a wonderful day, and visit with me soon.
Your friend, Kenneth
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J.S., yeah, I too, get weary of reading those 1955 Sports Afield mags with torn pages and stories on "How You Too Can Bag A Ferocious Amazon Gator With No Trouble," and the photo shows a man dressed like Marlin Perkins of Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom sitting on this model gator smiling for the camera....the man, not the gator. You have given me another hub idea..."Why Cant Wealthy Doctors Afford Current Magazines?"...maybe next week.
Kenneth
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Well, hello, TammySwallow...where have you been? Ive been missing you so much. HEY, THANKS for the sweet comment. Give J.S. Matthews the credit for this one. He called the play and I put it into motion. And honestly...and I speak for everyone here...Tammy, you are one of MY favorites and the hubbers on this comment tree as well.
Thanks so much and BE GOOD.
Kenneth
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oh sorry, it's J.S. Matthew...not MatthewS...sorry for that oversight. Thanks for being one of my favorite hubbers too. Actually ALL Of you are on my Favorites List...you are all great writers and friends.
Kenneth
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Hi, LondonLady....thank you from my heart, for your lovely comment. And vote. I appreciate you taking the time to read and vote on this hub. May something really GOOD happen to YOU today.
Your friend, Kenneth
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Hello, Just Ask Susan....been a long time since Ive read one of your comments. Me? Ive just got off the phone with my family doctor and pain clinic...gotta get more bloodwork done next week....they worry way too much at something like I am always tired. Run down. Can they not realize that Im 58? Not a kid anymore? My best days are behind me? OH well. Maybe during the bloodwork and tests, I can think up some more medical-related hubs...ya never know, Susan.
Thanks again,
Kenneth
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Hello Victoria...yes. A big market. But the biggest obstacle would be legal waivers, lawyer fees, permission papers to be signed, maybe a license...but I think with enough patience (no pun here) I, or someone, could actually do this. Might be useful to some really sick people who need cheering up.
Thanks. Kenneth
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Hello, dear, mljdgulley...."Thank you so very, very much, for your kind words. You and your hubs and words always make me feel 'up' and ready to take on the world." "I appreciate you. And your friendship/following. God bless you, dear friend."
Sincerely, Kenneth
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Dearest Sueswan,
Wow, what a comment! That speaks volumes to "Cliff Steele," and his entourage of a monkey, and one other clown. The straight man. Thank YOU, DEAR Susan for this, and all of YOUR kindnesses shown me in the past eight months...I shall treasure you and your words for life.
Sincerely, Kenneth
Hilarious, but I would welcome your waiting room entertainer service! Very funny, Kenneth!
I can't stop laughing! I was wondering when you would finally realize that it is "J.S.Matthew" and not "Matthews" lol! It happens a lot Kenneth! I hope that you feel better and the weather improves for you. I also hope that your test results come out favorable. You are an inspiration to me on HubPages and I always look forward to your next article and wonder what you will say next! I am looking forward to reading "Why Cant Wealthy Doctors Afford Current Magazines?" Put your health first and I will wait until the next time. You always make my day Kenneth!
JSMatthew~
Sounds like fun to me..I would pay to see that...funny as usual..I voted up and awesome.debbie
Dearest Kenneth,
You are a treasure, my friend. That is why you would be perfect as a travelling waiting room entertainer.
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Hello, dear catgypsy,
THANK YOU SO MUCH . . .for this comment. I would have to have some preparation time to arrange my dance numbers, tap, olf soft shoe, etc.,/ songs/jokes/ the whole nine yards for a production of this magnitude takes time. Work. Dedication in order to fly. And I wonder...while entertaining existing patients, would walk-in traffic be welcome to pay and enjoy the show? What do you think, cat? I dont want this to mushroom overnight...I cant cope with sudden fame...LOL. I would hire you and J.S., Deborah, Sueswan, Ardie, Victoria, Just Ask Susan, mljdgulley, gj, and LondonLady as my "Bored" of Advisors, did you catch that? To show me what Im doing right. And what Im doing wrong. This might lead US to the Big Time...Wow. My head is already spinning...wait. That is just the effects of black coffee so early in the morning.
Have a great day!
Your Friend in Marion Co. (for life)
Kenneth
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Hey, J.S. MattheW . . .That is sorta funny--me messing up your name. Im truly sorry. A man's most-important possession is his name. So hope I didnt tarnish it much. Thanks again, my good friend, for all of your warm words. And support. I shall go, IF GOD WILLS IT, next Tuesay to my family doctor for bloodwork...then wait for three days to get results. Not that Im complaining, but thats what my life has been reduced so is WAITING--for doctors, tests, results, etc. And I confess...Im NOT a good waiter. Does that make sense, J.S.?
I will begin work on the "Doctor's Magazines," hub probably around Monday...I want to see if resting up today will help.
God bless you my friend.
Kenneth
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Deborah, THANKS SO VERY, VERY MUCH for your sweet comment. No, YOU and my Bored of Advisors would get in FREE to all of my waiting room performances. And you know...this might hit Broadway. A sell-out! Boy, we could eat good then...at New York's finest diners. Wow. A dream to be fulfilled.
Thanks so much DEAR Deborah, Kenneth
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Dearest Sueswan,
you always humble me with your words. Thank you kindly. YOU and ALL of my Follwer/Friends mean THE WORLD to me. I cannot stress that enough. And as for perfect, well, not that exteme..but I would love to put my heart into a few packed waiting rooms...but the doctors would be angry with me if OUR shows were to actually make the patients well enough to go home. I hadnt thought of that. We will cross that gurney when we get to it.
Have a day of peace,
Kenneth
Hey Kenneth! Yeah, we could all become famous and have our fifteen minutes of fame and make a reality show! Collect all the money, invest well, and then when our fifteen minutes is up, we'd all be set! Sounds good to me...haha.
I hope your blood work is ok and all is well with you. I'm 58 too and while it's not THAT old, you do feel it, don't you? I can't do some of the things I use to, that's for sure. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
Your friend forever too,
Sheila
Kenneth, I hope you get good rest and feel all well soon. I adore your hub, so well written and entertaining.
You can sing for me in the waiting room...anytime. I'd love it. Take your vitamins!!!
Hello Kenneth and Happy Weekend! I am visiting in-laws today and haven't been online in a few days. I just wanted to stop by and say hi... Hi. Don't worry about messing up my name. It happens quite often here on HubPages. People call me "Matthew", "J.S. Matthews", and even Mr. Matthews. It's all good. I don't mind. In fact, I think a man's words and deeds holds more clout than his name...unless he is a Rockefeller or something!
Anyhow, Good Luck in your testing rituals and I hope it all works out. God is Always willing it's just that sometimes we don't know His will! Or we might, but try to change His mind. OK, I am rambling...I am looking forward to reading "Doctor's Magazines". As always, take your time and health first. Have a wonderful weekend and God Bless You Too!
JSMatthew~
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January 14, 2012, 10:48 p.m/cst
(starting tonight in REVERSE), J.S. thank YOU, friend, for this and all of your warm and very-appreciated wishes and words. I will keep you posted on the additional bloodwork. The way things work where I live, I should know the results in about seven days. But I sincerely Thank YOU, J.S. and All on this hub, and Every one of my Treasured FOLLOWERS for every word, thought, laugh, smile that you all have given me. J.S. funny you should bring up doctor's magazines...the artwork for THIS hub is finished. All of it. All that remains is the writing. That should be done, God willing, in two weeks. I need a few days rest. Thanks to all here. And those not here.
Kenneth
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PenMePretty . . .you make me smile with your comments, but wait until you hear ME sing. Then we will talk. Thank you so much for your care.
Kenneth
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Hello, My Dear catgypsy/Sheila,
I agree with YOUR idea. That works fine with my calculations. We could all have funds to give to others, and still live a mostly-care free life. I admire this idea and who knows, this might just work if the Federal Govt. would leave us alone with their regulations, rules, and guidelines.
I will, cat, take care. And keep a stiff upper lip.
Thanks so much for your CLOSE friendship.
Sincerely,
Kenneth
Glad to Be Your Friend for Life
go for it, kenneth. I think such a profession is needed!
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Thank you kindly . . .PDXKaraokeGuy . . .I might do that. Then YOU could join me as we tour the country, maybe the world, entertaining waiting room fans and then get on the Today Show on NBC, Good Mornig America, ABC, and the new one on CBS...then make appearances on PBS, Sesame Street . . .the climb to stardom is long. And hard. But "WE" can make it for we do not owe anyone anything who has helped our careers. That way, no hangers-on when we do reach the top. Right? Hey, a thought just hit me...why not write a book about Professions Only Dreamed Of, but Never Realized . . .that might sell.
Later, dude and thanks!
Kenneth
LOL! Now I know where to come for my laughs! Thanks for the fun reads on your hubs! I totally get the Traveling Waiting Room Gig - I used to want to be the Ta-Da Girl in the circus or a magic act; you know, the girl in the cute outfit who stands to the side & every time Mr. Magician or Circus Man does a trick, she puts her arms out to the side, "Ta-Da!"
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Marcy . . .okay! You are hired. Bring your own cute outfit, for my operating budget is not yet settled. I appreciate YOUR comments that cheered me up and I still want YOU to be one of My Followers, Marcy. We "entertainers," need to keep in close proximity. Have a great weekend and I will be looking for you.
Kenneth
that's a good idea kenneth, about the book. I'll have to write it down...
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Hey, PDXKaraokeGuy, thanks for the rememberance. I appreciate it. And great success on your book projects. Do not forget the "Waiting Room Wizards," when you are on the N.Y. Times Best-Seller List. Okay?
kenneth... i will not forget :-)
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PDXKaraokeGuy, deal. ( :) )
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