I Want to Be a Travelling Waiting Room Entertainer
THIS IS A VERY HAPPY MAN . . .
More views of the life of troubadours . . .
This Hub Is Respectfully Dedicated to a Good Friend, J.S.Matthews . . .
Call me stupid. Call me off-center. And if you dare, call me "three bricks shy of a load." I really don't care. I know what I want to be. Finally. At age 58. I want to be a travelling waiting room entertainer.
Why? Well, why not be a travelling waiting room entertainer? Or did you forget momentarily that we still live in a free country? So being a travelling waiting room entertainer makes sense. Lots of sense. Well, for me, it makes sense.
Some people my age would rather 'play it safe' Not 'rock the boat.' 'Make waves.' Just stay in their comfort zones and do safe jobs like being a greeter at Walmart. I thought about this job. Once. And didn't find it that challenging. No offense to Walmart. Being a travelling waiting room entertainer would fulfill my need for a challenge in my life. Honestly, I'm not a daredevil. I hate heights. So do not look for me to climb Mount Everest and be seen on the cover of National Geographic. But soon, you may see me on CNN doing my thing as a free-wheeling. Kiss-stealing. Devil-may-care, waiting room entertainer.
Think about it. Most hospitals of any size, have 'pink ladies,' or some other volunteer association who visit the patients. Hand-out newspapers. Talk a little while with the ailing people. And overall, just be nice. And some bigger hospitals have children's wards and clowns and entertainers who make frequent visits to bring some needed-cheer to these precious little ones. So why can't I be a travelling waiting room entertainer?
I can try, if you will bear with me, answer that in a way that will ultimately make sense to you. The waiting room is where a patient begins his or her journey back to good health. Unless they are to be carried to the emergency room, otherwise a patient with a non-life threatening sickness will visit a waiting room. And wait.
That's where I come in. And not loud. Boisterous. Or vulgar. I would enter softly. Gently. And introduce myself, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name is, 'Cliff Steele,' (my show name), and I'm here to entertain you for a little while." What a surprise to the patients to see me dressed in a loud. Colorful. Baggy. Shiny three-piece suit that would make the Biblical Joseph, the boy with the multi-colored coat green (red, yellow, and blue) with envy. Why would I dress in this fashion? The first rule of entertaining is capture your audience' attention. Then keep it. Thereby you will have a better chance of succeeding. As you can see, I've done my homework.
"But, Ken," you might argue. "you have no talent." That's where you are sadly, wrong. I just happen to know six major chords on the guitar. Can hold my own at telling jokes--corny or funny. I've watched enough television comics to 'get my foot in the door,' as a waiting room entertainer. And I can flash my friendly smile and hand out compliments to the lovely ladies who are ailing in my audience. And no, my audience is not a 'captive audience,' for I would say first off, "if any of you wouldn't like to hear good music. Funny jokes. And have a good time, you may leave," this would eliminate any complaints from me 'pushing myself' on these poor. Sick people who are 'prisoners' of the waiting room.
And it's not like I have to be 'that' talented. Or be that good. I know how to carry a tune, well, once upon a time, but with a little practice, I think I can do a good version of John Denver's "Country Roads," or The Kingston Trio's "Tom Dooley," for the pleasure of my audience. I can also do a magic trick or two such as, "The Old Stand-By Quarter-Behind-The-Ear" trick what will amaze the elderly who are waiting to see their doctor.
And for the younger people, toddlers, and younger, I've got that covered with a huge selection of hand-puppets that, with my doing all the voices, will be a real treat for these youngsters with colds. Sniffles. And teething problems. Yes, ma'am. I think I can do this. Without any hitch.
Yes, I will have to get the permission of the hospital board and other authorities. And I will patiently do that. And carry a permit that says I am a travelling waiting room entertainer. And this will be a free service to the hospitals. What savings. The hospital boards will go loony when they see the word FREE on my presentation. I will though, humbly ask for donations of any type, to get me to my next waiting room 'show,' and most patients should be able to give a dollar. Maybe three. And I will not demand that they give anything at all. This for me will mostly be a 'work of faith,' and if I am successful at making one sick person laugh. Smile. Cheered up. Then it will all be worth the paperwork. Red tape. And criticisms from nay-sayers who write about me in their newspaper columns saying that I am 'a singing. Dancing. Waiting room huckster.' I can take it. I will get the endorsement of high-ranking county and state officials and do my show for them so they can make speeches telling the medical community there is nothing to fear with "Cliff Steele: Travelling Waiting Room Entertainer."
But soon, and after a few successful gigs, fame and fortune will come knocking and I will have to expand my show. Hire additional personnel. Pay them to help me out. The more we gain fame and interviews on Entertainment Tonight with Mary Hart, the more jealousy will be borne in the ranks of my crew. Then some will branch-out on their own--telling the press that 'we had creative differences,' and rumors will fly about me having illicit affairs with numerous nurses in various hospitals. My head will spin with decisions. Information. Confusion.
Soon I will have a complete mental and physical break down due to over-work. No sleep. And not eating enough. People will look at me and shake their heads as I try to conceal my identity. "Yeah, that's him! 'Cliff Steele,' the once-famous waiting room entertainer. Just look at him now!" the condemning crowds will yell as I get into my rental car from Enterprise because I had to let my yellow Rolls limousine be repossessed. I have to then leave my spacious four-bedroom home. Move into a 'flop house' on the back streets of some unknown city and depend on the goodness of others for my living as I sing for dollars and $20-dollar gift cards people put in my black hat on the sidewalk. I, of course, am in disguise. Cannot be found out. Finally hit rock bottom.
Then I have a complete nervous break down, but not serious enough for emergency medical attention. I am sent to the nearest hospital with an escort from a local mission. What good people they are to take me to where I got my start. A waiting room.
I sit down. Unnoticed. I try to be quiet. As to not draw attention to myself. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice saying, "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm 'Biff Real,' the New Waiting Room Entertainer. You may know me. I was once with the legendary, 'Cliff Steele,' and his entourage of Waiting Room Entertainers.
Now I know, all too well, what it was like to to have 'a clown in a baggy green suit sing "Tom Dooley," to me while I'm sick.
Call it poetic justice. I call it 'sick.'
THESE GUYS ARE CALLED A DUO . . .
Comments
kenneth... i will not forget :-)
that's a good idea kenneth, about the book. I'll have to write it down...
LOL! Now I know where to come for my laughs! Thanks for the fun reads on your hubs! I totally get the Traveling Waiting Room Gig - I used to want to be the Ta-Da Girl in the circus or a magic act; you know, the girl in the cute outfit who stands to the side & every time Mr. Magician or Circus Man does a trick, she puts her arms out to the side, "Ta-Da!"
go for it, kenneth. I think such a profession is needed!
Hello Kenneth and Happy Weekend! I am visiting in-laws today and haven't been online in a few days. I just wanted to stop by and say hi... Hi. Don't worry about messing up my name. It happens quite often here on HubPages. People call me "Matthew", "J.S. Matthews", and even Mr. Matthews. It's all good. I don't mind. In fact, I think a man's words and deeds holds more clout than his name...unless he is a Rockefeller or something!
Anyhow, Good Luck in your testing rituals and I hope it all works out. God is Always willing it's just that sometimes we don't know His will! Or we might, but try to change His mind. OK, I am rambling...I am looking forward to reading "Doctor's Magazines". As always, take your time and health first. Have a wonderful weekend and God Bless You Too!
JSMatthew~
Kenneth, I hope you get good rest and feel all well soon. I adore your hub, so well written and entertaining.
You can sing for me in the waiting room...anytime. I'd love it. Take your vitamins!!!
Hey Kenneth! Yeah, we could all become famous and have our fifteen minutes of fame and make a reality show! Collect all the money, invest well, and then when our fifteen minutes is up, we'd all be set! Sounds good to me...haha.
I hope your blood work is ok and all is well with you. I'm 58 too and while it's not THAT old, you do feel it, don't you? I can't do some of the things I use to, that's for sure. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
Your friend forever too,
Sheila
Dearest Kenneth,
You are a treasure, my friend. That is why you would be perfect as a travelling waiting room entertainer.
Sounds like fun to me..I would pay to see that...funny as usual..I voted up and awesome.debbie
I can't stop laughing! I was wondering when you would finally realize that it is "J.S.Matthew" and not "Matthews" lol! It happens a lot Kenneth! I hope that you feel better and the weather improves for you. I also hope that your test results come out favorable. You are an inspiration to me on HubPages and I always look forward to your next article and wonder what you will say next! I am looking forward to reading "Why Cant Wealthy Doctors Afford Current Magazines?" Put your health first and I will wait until the next time. You always make my day Kenneth!
JSMatthew~
Hilarious, but I would welcome your waiting room entertainer service! Very funny, Kenneth!
Dearest Kenneth,
You always capture my attention. I think your idea to be a travelling waiting room entertainer is great. Even if I wasn't sick, I would go to the waiting room of the hospital where you were entertaining .
Voted up up and away.
Kenneth yes you could do it. You keep us entertained here on hubpages. I continually look forward to reading your hubs. They make me smile and they make me laugh in other words your hubs make my day.
I agree with Susan. I think there's a big market out there!!
Ken, I hope that you are feeling better. You know you could be onto something here. I think this would be a fun job to do. Seriously, I've never heard of a traveling waiting room entertainer before but I think you could pull it off. You could entertain people in all the boring places that they hate waiting. Doctors offices, airports, bus stations, grocery stores while waiting to pay for their groceries. The list is endless.
Very very creative title. Voted up :)
One of my favorites, too, tammyswallow! Kenneth is very funny! I always what he will say next!?!
OMG... This is wickedly funny my friend. You gave me a great belly laugh!!! If this doesn't work you can always be a waiting room stipper. There wouldn't be all that pressure to be funny. Stay healthy and keep writing. This humour should keep you in good health! You are still one of my very favorites!
Much better than outdated magazines!
I would gladly pay you a few dollars to have you entertain me and my kids in the waiting room. And it wouldn't even have to be anything fancy :) You have such a cute idea - make it more than a dream Kenneth! DO IT
Loved it, Kenneth! I gave you lots of votes, included up. I thought this was really funny, but I detect that you might be serious. With your wit and charm, you should go for it. What an idea. I love your writing. Very oolorful and full of life. Wonderful. Good to see you again!
Enjoyed this piece of work Kenneth. Well done
Wow, Kenneth! You cranked this one out pretty fast! I hope that your health is well and you have made all your appointments! I feel so honored for this dedication; you are a man of your word! Oh, I found you on Google+ and added you to my circles...
I am so glad that after so many doctor and hospital visits you have finally found out what you want to be when you grow up! With all humor aside, you could actually make this a reality. You could solicit your services to hospitals and doctor's offices and arrive on schedule. I bet this would go over well in a children's hospital.
Fact: When I was in high school I dated a "Candy Striper" (one of those "pink girls", not be confused with the ones that dance on a stage). Doctors say that when patients find humor they heal faster. Maybe you are on to something? You could even make a franchise out of it!
Cliff Steele. I like that. Its catchy. Like the flu, but in a good way. As always dear friend, I enjoyed the read and the laugh. Thanks for the dedication and I wish you the best on your travelling endeavors. Enjoyed the photos and captions as well. Voted up and more and sharing!
JSMatthew~
46