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I want to trade penny stocks

Updated on September 15, 2011

Penny Stock Rocks

Penny Stocks are equities that fall into general categories of worthlessness relative to big-time stocks like Google or IBM or Apple. I want to trade penny stocks.

I want to make a fortune buying and selling these little offerings. I will be the trade king. Tiny companies and virtually bankrupt companies excite the market. I want to purchase a million shares of XYZ corporation for 2 cents per share: a total outlay of $20000 to control astronomical numbers of shares. This will make me feel like a mover and shaker on Wall Street.

I will wake up every morning, slip on my velour slippers, jovially greet my personal valet, grasp a mug of excellent espresso and trundle into my home office. Surrounding me will be high-resolution flat screen monitors connected to high-speed data feeds from all the major trading floors. I will watch the progress of my penny stocks in real time as I sip my breakfast.

All the cable TV news and business channels will be at my fingertips: I will read the news tickers with my left eye and chat online with my cadre of investors with my other eye and my fingers. Everyone will be hanging on my every word as I evaluate the latest trends in trading penny stocks. When I sneeze, the markets will catch a cold. My influence will be felt from Wall Street to Main Street to back streets.

High-powered market mavens will discuss my strategies on their Blackberries and Androids as they ride in their limos to their highrise office suites. My name won't be on the door of the building, but my influence will be felt at the very foundations of investing and making huge riches.

Invest your pennies on penny stocks
Invest your pennies on penny stocks | Source

Penny Stocks will make me rich.

When I invest in a one cent stock, it will generate ripples throughout vertical and horizontal markets. A simple one-cent upward move in a penny stock will make me even more money than I possibly dreamed of last night as I slept peacefully on my silk sheets with my head nestled into a specially-made pillow that cradled my head in pillowy goodness.

A one-cent move in Exxon or Intel or AT&T is laughable. but when one of my penny stocks trends upward by a single cent, I will make enough money to put a down payment on lower Manhattan. As a savvy investor, I understand this fact of finance. My grasp of financial concepts is rivaled only by my grasp of fine dining at Chipotle. I will leverage my intimate knowledge of percentages and trending and bell-curves and other cool graphing technologies to predict precisely when to buy and sell.

I will time the market as no one before me has ever been able to do. My penny stocks will do my bidding. I will sit patiently with my mouse finger poised to click on the most epic transaction ever recorded in stock trading. As other investors struggle to stay above water, my masterful techniques will demonstrate strategies chock full of such panache that famous financial magazines will flock to my palatial trading office. I will make them sit quietly in the corner until the markets close, then I will give in-depth personal interviews.

Each financial magazine will put me on the cover of their Smartest Investor in the World Edition. Several of the more intelligent magazines will recognize my extreme talent and offer me monthly columns and editor positions. Of course, I will decline. In order to maintain my personal freedom and my maverick-based investing style, I will insist on remaining independent.

I will create a web site that offers investment advice. Each day I will blog about the vagaries of supply-side economics vis-a-vis credit default swaps in conjunction with Fourier Transforms. I will use terminology that even the most (relatively) experienced bond traders cannot deconstruct. I will invent new terminology to describe my mastery of penny stocks. My web site will have colorful graphics that are compelling without interfering with the essential message, which is to get rich by trading equities that no one understands but me. There will be a room of dedicated computer science gurus and quantitative analysts dedicated to implementing my ideas. New forms of HTML will be invented simply to make my concepts accessible to common human beings.

I will be a philanthropist

Investing in penny stocks will make me so wealthy that I will become bored with investing in penny stocks. My true passion will become helping people. I will help hordes of people. So many people will I assist that some of the people will actually ask me to stop helping them because they need no more help.

I will use my humongous wealth to change the world. Public television, radio, and libraries will feel the imprint of my politics. My social conscience will echo throughout the halls of the haves and the have-nots. No one will be able to escape the wrath of my conscience.

My money I will give away. People will find bags of cash outside their front doors and they will suspect that it was me, but they will never know for sure. The money earned from buying and selling penny stocks is indeed money that must be redistributed to people who do not buy and sell penny stocks. That redistribution will become my passion because I will no longer have a need for money. I will be above money.

I will teach people to do what I do

I plan to wage a high-level television, radio, and Internet campaign to introduce my penny stock strategies to real normal people. Folks will flock to the Holiday Inn near the airport to silently gape in awe at my strategies. They will enjoy coffee and crullers at no charge as they sign up to subscribe to my web site. They will purchase my podcasts, books, books on tape, and podcasts on tape. Every purchase will include a free 2GB flash drive shaped like a penny stock. No one will leave my presentation feeling cheated: they will feel satisfied and energized. My students will take my strategies to heart, using my advice and techniques to change their lives. I will glean great satisfaction from helping people.

Somehow, the average normal inexperienced investor will come to understand what I do, after paying $49.95 for my training kit. Many of them will understand my trading strategies well enough to invest in my $299 yearly subscription to my inner circle of investors. This will make them feel important and empowered. Penny Stock investing will become as popular as reality shows on FOX. Even the most conservative investor will jump into my world with both feet and make a big splash in the cutthroat world of high financial finances. All of this activity will make me even more money, but I won't want the money because I am doing it simply to help people be better people.

Don't be jealous of me

I've worked too had and too long for anyone to envy me. I sacrificed my mornings for at least a month to devise my penny stock investing strategies. It's all falling in line for me now, but at one point in my life I actually stood in line at Starbucks like average people. I've been there: I know what it takes to get to where I've finally gotten. I have not forgotten the little people who started the companies behind the penny stocks.

Join me. You must choose, but choose wisely.


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    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Thanks, tebo!

    • profile image

      tebo 6 years ago

      That was great to read. I really enjoyed it.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @earnestshub : Here's a primer on Internet wealth:

    • earnestshub profile image

      earnestshub 6 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      Beautiful work nicomp. Just wonderful!

      Where do I sign again?

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @breakfastpop: We're in this together, as long as you follow me.

      @drbj : My associate, Joe the Internet Millionaire, will process your processing:

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      nicomp - where do I send my $348.95? I want the whole package.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Where you go, I will follow! Up and funny.