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I will dispel another old TV show myth

Updated on April 4, 2011

if you grew up when I did, back when the dinosaurs roamed more or less, you watched shows like The Brady Bunch, The Addams Family, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, and a bunch of others. Myself, being a kid, I loved those shows, but I had a lot of questions. Stand-up comics seem to have had the same kind of questions about 'em. Logical ones.

Why the hell did Darren have a problem that his wife was a witch? He could quit his stupid advertising job and she could wiggle her nose and they could move to Costa Rica. What's his problem again? Endora, the mother-in-law? Paul Lynde?

Jeannie needed to be hidden because she called that astronaut dude "Master" and could make wishes come true? Was he insane?

Mr. Ed could talk and no one asked for a press conference?

The Addams family had a great marriage, who cared what the neighbors think? They all seemed happy.

For a three hour cruise, how come most of the Minnow's guests brought a wardrobe to last a couple of months?

Ok, these questions have been asked and pondered, but I have one other. I have never heard a stand-up comic ask this one. If I'm wrong please lemme know. Ok, here goes.

To quote "The Beverly Hillbillies" theme song:

Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed
A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed,
Then one day he was shootin' at some food,
And up through the ground came a bubblin' crude.

Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Well the first thing you know ole Jed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said "Jed move away from there"
Said "Californy is the place you ought to be"
So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly.

Wait, wait, wait. Just a minute. Let's look at that again. Ok, the Clampetts are living in squalor-esque sub-Deliverance standards. Then Jed strikes oil, and gets rich. Really rich. Like Donald Trump-rich, at least back in them days.

And what do the kinfolk say?? WTF? Come again? Can we take it from the top?

"Jed move away from there"'??

I can buy the concept of a flying nun, a talking car, a suburban witch, a slave girl living in a genie bottle. You bet.

But relatives of a newly made millionaire that say "Hey, go on, get out of this dump, go to Beverly Hills and build you a cement pond with Granny, your Dr. Doolitte-esque sexpot niece and Jethro your new bodyguard/lesbian magnet. Don't bother buying us indoor plumbing or anything. We'll just stay back here and eat possum and roadkill and enjoy our outhouses....don't pay us no nevermind. We're your own flesh and blood! But you high-falutin' oil baron, now go on and get outta here."

Nope. I'm not buying it. They'd be lined up to Pigeon Forge, with their lame reasons and hands outstretched, asking for dough. If he tried to load up that truck, they'd have shot him.

Am I right?


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    • Taylorwise profile image

      Taylorwise 7 years ago from Austin, TX

      thanks for all the awesome comments! And I had fun writing the hub. I need to see if amazon carries the Flying Nun episodes on dvd,,,,i wonder if I'd like it as much now?

    • CMerritt profile image

      Chris Merritt 7 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

      Funny stuff taylor, you make some good points.

      I too, wondered WHY the Howells decided to go on a three hour tour, on THAT boat?....why didn't they have their own boat. Did they have to go with a professor, a movie star and some gal from Iowa?

      I enjoyed this .... :)

    • Cogerson profile image

      Cogerson 7 years ago from Virginia

      A very funny hub..brings back memories of my mom watching these shows when they were on for Bewitched.....if Darren had told his boss Larry Tate.....they would have ruled the job

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago

      Those were the good old days. Now we have nothing but reality shows that are so depressing. We might as well install cameras in our homes and just watch each other!

    • Timetothink profile image

      Timetothink 7 years ago from Ballarat, Victoria Australia

      Oh my! How often have asked the same questions... I worked this one out though...The astronaut wasn't crazy but Wilbur Post was. That's why nobody else could hear Ed speak. Funny post! voted up for sure

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 7 years ago from Lost in America

      Wow, I never met one person ever to remember My Mother the Car! Cool! I loved that show!

      I think Granny was out to steal the fortune from Jed. I remember an episode where she took a wheelbarrow to the bank to collect the money. So, probably in secret, she was having the kinfolk come by (as they visited on occasion) and she was most likely doling it out to them in bits, Jed must of been kinda greedy to not share. Either that or they were hoping they'd be asked to move in with them, and it never happened! And it is true, it was Jed's money cos he was the one who found it!

      Now on Gilligan's Island, if it was named after him, why didn't get get the say so in everything? It was always the professor or the Skipper toooo. I can see why Ginger had enough clothes, she was a Movie Star, so even if they were going to be gone 3 hours, she probably need at least 10 changes of clothing. And the Howell's were just smart, so they made sure they brought enough of everything to last much longer than 3 hours because rich people are like that. They want more than enough.

      I did always kinda wonder how they walked out of the lagoon with their clothes dry though.

      Maybe Mr. Ed had a complex. He never talked around the wife either!

      Yeah, and I noticed that both Derwoods had serious "male ego" (Freudian) issues with money & power. So he had to be the breadwinner cos he probably had a really little winkie.

      I was always Pro-Adam's family! I mean, what's cooler than kids who blow things up! And an uncle that could ALWAYS fix the lightbulbs, and a door man that could scare off solicitors! That would ROCK! Yeah Morticia & Gomez had it going on that's for sure. Besides, who needs roses when the stems with pickers can be so much more devastating! And Cousin It! Everybody needed a cousin It! Perfect for family gatherings when you don't have a place to sit and need to set your plate down! Plus, as tight as Morticia's dress was, she really needed to stand. Yeah, they were my fav's. I loved Thing too. Even in the movie! I wish I had one when I was a kid so I could of made it scare my mean sibling in her sleep! Plus Thing ALWAYS got the mail! Sure beats walking to the mailbox in the rain!