Introduction to The Keyword Academy
Welcome to the Keyword Academy
For many years, keywords have been in demand. Internet wizards and other people with no life stay up late into the evening searching for precise combinations of letters that will attract the attention of search engines. Web sites offering keyword services spring up like mushrooms beneath Appalachian porches.
Unfortunately, not all words are created equal. Despite diligent efforts on the part of SEO wizards, gurus, and daemons, some words simply do not get the job done. Many words have been left behind. Words such as 'bewigged', 'flechette', and 'persnickety' tend to languish on the bottom rungs of the figurative keyword ladder. Barely pronounceable words such as 'Bieber' , 'Justin', and 'Justin Bieber' somehow rocket to the top of the keyword heap. This phenomena goes largely unnoticed by people in possession of a job and a girlfriend, but awareness continues to grow as more and more people become bored with real life.
How Can You Help?
In a perfect world, every word would be a keyword. Web designers would simply paste a few moderately pronounceable syllables into their sites and Google/Yahoo/Bing would spring into action. These mighty search engines crave keywords the same way Oprah craves doughnuts and publicity.
Alas, keywords are chosen in a discriminatory manner. Some words rate tremendous interest while others are virtually ignored. Every day the digital divide grows even wider.
Can you help? Yes, you can.
Adopt an under-appreciated word and send it to The Keyword Academy. At The Keyword Academy, highly skilled Internet pseudoexperts, neurolinguistic geniuses, and wisecracking erstwhile unpublished authors scheme together to contrive specially contrived programs of study designed to rocket oft-ignored words into the stratosphere of SEO heaven. Or something like that.
Supporting the good work of The Keyword Academy
Undeserved words find comfort and solace at The Keyword Academy. Underprivileged words cannot afford the tuition: please take time from your busy day and money from your past-due credit card to finance the education of a few deserving words.
If you don't know any words, The Keyword Academy maintains a waiting list of words that have been accepted for admission but lack the financial aptitude to matriculate. These words urgently need your help. Without you and your money, but mostly your money, they run the risk of becoming a colloquialism or suffering the stigma of being used in a country music song. Please, don't let that happen.
What will your words learn?
Experienced and caring instructors provide invaluable care and instruction to all keywords enrolled at the academy. Even the most obfuscated long tail keywords achieve at an extremely high level, often rising to the top 100 search results in one or more major search engines.
All words must attend a set of core courses that include:
- Making yourself plural: it's just another word for diversity.
- Appearing on non-English websites for fun and profit.
- The nonsense of Backlinking
- Calculating Page Rank in 1024 easy steps
Words will be closely supervised when classes are not in session. No word enrolled at The Keyword Academy has ever appeared on a socially unacceptable web site, such as Squidoo.com or MoveOn.org.
Visit your words anytime you like
As a sponsor of a deserving word, you will receive periodic updates on the progress of your word. You'll experience the unadulterated joy of watching your word gradually rise in the search engines, eventually appearing consistently in the Top 10 results for Bing and Yahoo. Most words could never achieve this level of success without your help.
If your word works hard and stays away from Charlie Sheen, it may someday appear in a list of Google Top 10 results. Only the 'best of the best' keywords make it that far, but anything is possible in cyberspace. No one believed in Twitter, either.
The Internet never sleeps, although it does seem to doze off once in a while, particularly when American Idol starts a new season. Don't let your words fall behind.