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Are There Egyptian Hippo Guts in Your Toothpaste?

Updated on December 16, 2017
Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank wrote humorous bits for her college newspaper many years ago. Her funny observations have continued in print and online.

No guts . . .no glory.
No guts . . .no glory. | Source

No Hippopotomas Entrails, Please.

In the old days we had very few brands of toothpaste. They were so similar that it did not matter which one you bought.

Further back, in the real olden days of ancient Egypt, they actually used ground up ox hooves, pulverized snail shells and hippo entrails to promote dental hygiene. I am not looking for anything quite that basic.

Some time ago I ran into an incredible sale on toothpaste. I stocked up enough to last well into the expiration date. I had a huge supply that lasted a good long time.

By the time I finally needed to buy toothpaste again, my usual brand had probably gone through several versions of package design updating. I didn't see anything that looked faintly familiar, and was forced to consciously survey the entire multi-shelf selection of incredibly diversified choices.

What's in your toothpaste?
What's in your toothpaste? | Source

Shouldn't things be getting easier by now?

There is clear evidence that life is getting more complex and confusing as demonstrated by the proliferation of toothpaste choices.

Predictions of 50 years ago said that life would be much simpler by now.

Robots would deliver groceries, which would be instantly cooked and served at the push of a button.

Laundry would be tossed into a recycling machine and turned into brand new outfits each day at the push of a button

Disease and aging would be eliminated at the push of a button.

You have probably noticed that none of these "push button" things have actually happened yet.

Oddly enough, toothpaste now sometimes comes in push-button containers.

What do you want?

Many "whitening" varieties have now emerged, including "advanced whitening", one for "extra whiteness", and another for mere "natural whiteness".

How does one choose between these? Is it possible to know if the "advanced whitening" surpasses "extra whitening"?

On the other hand, might it not be best to stick with "natural whiteness"? I wouldn't want to step up to "advanced" if that would be unnatural, would I?

Maybe whitening isn't the most important thing. People who are more concerned with dental health can go for "anti-plaque", "plaque protection", or even "plaque prevention".

I'm unsure if there is a difference between prevention or protection when it comes to tartar and plaque.

Perhaps preventing plaque, proactively, is particularly preferable to purely plain plaque protection. (Don't try to say that with a mouthful of toothpaste.)

Invisible Enemy?

One brand fights "visible tartar buildup". Does this mean that we may still be subject to invisible tartar buildup?

Might this not be even MORE dangerous because of it's insidious built up invisibility?

If this can be prevented or protected against, will it also protect against or prevent visible cavities? If you are not sure, you can get the" cavity protection" variety or even "fluoride anti-cavity", which actually comes with some warnings conjoined with a phone number for a poison control agency.

Do people actually use this without fear?

There is one that I am sure to avoid. That is the one which touts "Anti-Cavity Protection". That description, critically and literally read indicates that it protects you against anti-cavities.

We all know that a double negative means the opposite of what it seems. Could this actually be a preparation which protects you against NOT getting cavities? Cross that one off.

There are some brands which boldly proclaim the inclusion of such things as baking soda and peroxide, as well as others who insist, just as assertively, that they DON'T have those specific ingredients. Perhaps the jury is still out on whether those components are good or evil.

What do you want from your toothpaste?

See results

Health? Feel? Taste? What is really important?

Speaking of components, you can actually find carnuba wax in some formulas. Isn't that ingredient what we once used to polish up the old Chevy?

Now, for those to whom flavor is the most important consideration, You can get fresh mint, mild mint, smooth mint, icy mint, and bubble mint.

Are you more concerned about the appearance, the health or the feel and taste of your teeth?

You can get a variety of brands and variations within each brand which address each of these needs. Some formulas are Extra, Advanced or even MAXIMUM in their affects.

In the future you will probably be able to buy special toothpastes and polishes for incisors, bicuspids and molars.

They will come in colors and patterns to coordinate with your recycled clothes.

They will have also have flavors like Chardonnay mint, and Pinot Noir mint, that will complement the push button meal you have instantly enjoyed.

Comments

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    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      4 years ago from California Gold Country

      I realy have no idea, Ruben-- but it is interesting that you would ask an obviously silly person.

    • profile image

      Ruben 

      4 years ago

      I carry on listening to the nswcsaet lecture about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i find some?

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      5 years ago from California Gold Country

      Hippo guts might promote lubrication of an abrasive brush-- but if they called it something else, it might sound better. I appreciate your, and other recent comments.

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      5 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks, Patty, I agree. I started using an electric toothbrush quite some time ago-- but when by dentist recommended a pricier one, I was hesitant. I found out that, yes, it made my teeth and gums feel like I had had an office cleaning. It made a difference.

      The main thing is to just to make sure it is done regularly.

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 

      5 years ago from Jamaica

      I use Colgate Triple action: 1 for Cavity protection, 2 for whiter teeth and 3 for fresh breath. I think I like a toothpaste which keeps my mouth/breath fresher for longer but I could definitely do without the hippo guts!

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish MS 

      5 years ago from USA. Member of Asgardia, the first space nation, since October 2016

      I enjoy this Hub a lot. I have become a big fan of electric toothbrushes, even when I use only the traditional salt-baking soda mix to brush ny teeth. I have two electrics and they make my teeth feel clean and smooth.

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Their products look amazing, even delicious-- unfortunatly for me only available in Australia. I will look for the ingredients in other products

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Their products look amazing, even delicious-- unfortunatly for me only available in Australia. I will look for the ingredients in other products

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 

      6 years ago from Australia

      You can get neem toothpaste, unfortunately the ones I've found also contain chemicals so I ditched it. Have a look at www.gumtreesoap.com It gives you the ingredients so you could look for the product locally. The quality of these soaps are wonderful. I cured my newly formed psoriasis with it too. Plus with the oils they have I need much less moisturiser. It's an all over soap, including the mouth.

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Jewels-- it sounds interesting. I know Neem oil is used for hair and skin and it is supposed to kill germs, bacteria and other microbes. Didn't know you could use it in your mouth. I'll look for it.

      RTalloni-- I just re-titled it :)

      Dorothee-Gy -- A lot of them have fluoride, and the debate goes on about that. A lot of city water supplies use it, too.

      Thank you all for the comments!

    • Dorothee-Gy profile image

      Dorothee-Gy 

      6 years ago from near Frankfurt/M., Germany

      For me, the most important criteria is that it is fluoride free, which kicks all the conventional tooth pastes right out of the window. There are good toothpastes on the market without this poisonous stuff in it, but it limits your selection so much (don't we wonder why!) that you can easily decide with which you want to go,

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 

      6 years ago from the short journey

      Well that title was a grabber! :) Neat hub!

    • Jewels profile image

      Jewels 

      6 years ago from Australia

      Believe it or not, my dental regime costs $5.00 per year. I use a goat milk based soap (yes soap) called Golden Neem. I was hunting a natural product and once I got past the idea of soap in my mouth I gave this a go. It was the best purchase I made in 2011. You use it with bicarb and have found it's the best 'soap' I've put in my mouth ever. And the soap taste is so mild I can't notice it anymore. My gums are the healthiest they have ever been and there is a smooth shine every time I brush. Much more effective than commercial toothpastes. Technically I can't give you the web address to this product, but if you want it send a pm.

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      9 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thank you-- and yes, i think everything is going out of control in very small ways.

    • humbledhomely profile image

      humbledhomely 

      9 years ago

      Comedic, informational and amazing all in one hub :P

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      9 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks, Jerilee. Insanity is taking over our world in small steps.

    • Jerilee Wei profile image

      Jerilee Wei 

      9 years ago from United States

      You are so right and I'm thinking this applies to a whole lot of things we find both in the sundry and grocery isles. For me, with low vision it is a chore to shop, especially given that now with rising prices and people buying less, there is more deceptive packaging in an effort to make you think you are still getting the same amount but are really getting less. You have to read all that fine print and pay attention to ounces because what you bought last time that weighed 16 oz. might have been reduced to 12 oz. yet still looks the same on the shelf. Excellent hub!

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      9 years ago from California Gold Country

      Absolutely right. It's probably one of those things we could live without. I remember when we used plain baking soda powder.

    • LondonGirl profile image

      LondonGirl 

      9 years ago from London

      I love this hub! We always buy the same brand of toothpaste, on the grounds that I don't understand or care about all the differences you mention. I bet they are all marketing hype, anyway!

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      10 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks, Funnebone. I like yours too. Us funnyfolk got to stick together.

    • DonnaCSmith profile image

      Donna Campbell Smith 

      10 years ago from Central North Carolina

      Rochelle, you are the Andy Rooney of Hubbersville! I want the Chardonnay mint. Now, that should get my day started right.

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