Are There Egyptian Hippo Guts in Your Toothpaste?
No Hippopotomas Entrails, Please
In the old days we had very few brands of toothpaste. They were so similar that it did not matter which one you bought.
Further back, in the real olden days of ancient Egypt, they actually used ground up ox hooves, pulverized snail shells and hippo entrails to promote dental hygiene. I am not looking for anything quite that basic.
Some time ago I ran into an incredible sale on toothpaste. I stocked up enough to last well into the expiration date. I had a huge supply that lasted a good long time.
By the time I finally needed to buy toothpaste again, my usual brand had probably gone through several versions of package design updating. I didn't see anything that looked faintly familiar, and was forced to consciously survey the entire multi-shelf selection of incredibly diversified choices.
Shouldn't Things be Getting Easier?
There is clear evidence that life is getting more complex and confusing as demonstrated by the proliferation of toothpaste choices.
Predictions of 50 years ago said that life would be much simpler by now.
Robots would deliver groceries, which would be instantly cooked and served at the push of a button.
Laundry would be tossed into a recycling machine and turned into brand new outfits each day at the push of a button
Disease and aging would be eliminated at the push of a button.
You have probably noticed that none of these "push button" things have actually happened yet.
Oddly enough, toothpaste now sometimes comes in push-button containers. I think they are trying to send a subliminal message.
What Do You Want?
Many "whitening" varieties have now emerged, including "advanced whitening", one for "extra whiteness", and another for mere "natural whiteness".
How does one choose between these? Is it possible to know if the "advanced whitening" surpasses "extra whitening"?
On the other hand, might it not be best to stick with "natural whiteness"? I wouldn't want to step up to "advanced" if that would be unnatural, would I?
Maybe whitening isn't the most important thing. People who are more concerned with dental health can go for "anti-plaque", "plaque protection", or even "plaque prevention".
I'm unsure if there is a difference between prevention or protection when it comes to tartar and plaque.
Perhaps preventing plaque, proactively, is particularly preferable to purely plain plaque protection. (Don't try to say that with a mouthful of toothpaste.)
One brand fights "visible tartar buildup". Does this mean that we may still be subject to invisible tartar buildup?
Might this not be even MORE dangerous because of it's insidious built up invisibility?
If this can be prevented or protected against, will it also protect against or prevent visible cavities? If you are not sure, you can get the" cavity protection" variety or even "fluoride anti-cavity", which actually comes with some warnings conjoined with a phone number for a poison control agency.
Do people actually use this without fear?
There is one that I am sure to avoid. That is the one which touts "Anti-Cavity Protection". That description, critically and literally read indicates that it protects you against anti-cavities.
We all know that a double negative means the opposite of what it seems. Could this actually be a preparation which protects you against NOT getting cavities? Cross that one off.
There are some brands which boldly proclaim the inclusion of such things as baking soda and peroxide, as well as others who insist, just as assertively, that they DON'T have those specific ingredients. Perhaps the jury is still out on whether those components are good or evil.
What do you want from your toothpaste?
Health? Feel? Taste?
Speaking of components, you can actually find carnuba wax in some formulas. Isn't that ingredient what we once used to polish up the old Chevy?
Now, for those to whom flavor is the most important consideration, You can get fresh mint, mild mint, smooth mint, icy mint, and bubble mint.
Are you more concerned about the appearance, the health or the feel and taste of your teeth?
You can get a variety of brands and variations within each brand which address each of these needs. Some formulas are Extra, Advanced or even MAXIMUM in their affects.
In the future you will probably be able to buy special toothpastes and polishes for incisors, bicuspids and molars.
They will come in colors and patterns to coordinate with your recycled clothes.
They will have also have flavors like Chardonnay mint, and Pinot Noir mint, that will complement the push button meal you have instantly enjoyed.
With all of this variety, I think we can just leave the poor hippos alone.