I've Been Busy Falling
My Daily Rant 1/8/2010
Happy New Year friends, family, hubbers and haters! Well, I have noticed my hub score getting lower and lower, so I figured it was about time I rejoined the land of the living and published....something. I really don't condone writing something just to write. Typically I think it's a bad idea. But, I have also noticed that sometimes the journalistic failures we think will be just experience end up being some of our most popular works to date. I have actually had a lot of great hub ideas lately, I'm making a list and checking it thrice, but I honestly have not had time. And my ideas always seem to come at midnight while I'm lying in bed trying to sleep, or at 10:30 when I'm getting ready to drift off to sleep thanks to the wonder drug Ambien, and I make it a rule not to write while under the influence of Ambien. Or get on the internet at all for that matter. Really bad things can happen. One of my favorite authors ever, Jen Lancaster, ordered a Barbie head from the internet while SWUIA (surfing while under influence of Ambien). So it's not just me.
Anyhoo, good ideas and narcotics aside, the main reason I have not written in a while is because I have been swamped at work. (Which is a good thing, I keep having to tell myself.) And also because I've been a little sore.
About two months ago, I was diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel. I am not really sure if I am buying this diagnosis, because it entailed my physician talking to me for about 2 minutes, (mostly about my Ambien addiction), and then eyeballing my hands and arms. I am not even coming close to exaggerating. She did not physically touch my hands, wrists, arms, etc one time during this 15 minute visit (10 of which were spent in the waiting room trying to avoid the little boy coughing up a lung and wiping it on the seat next to me). But, she's the one with the medical degree, so she offered up the diagnosis and told me I have to go get some nerve conduction study to be sure, and that I will have to have surgery. "And that will be $108, thank you very much."
As an uninsured, self employed American, I will not be proceeding with said nerve study, as I have heard it will cost about $700. Neither will I be proceeding with surgery, mainly because I am uninsured (shhh, don't tell Obama), but also because I had surgery once, and unless my brains are literally falling out of my grape, I will never willingly go under the knife ever again. It was horrible. And it was only laproscopic. But seriously, I would rather give birth 4 times a day than ever have surgery again. (Now granted, I have kids really fast, but still.)
Ok, so now I am really ranting. I did have a point here....somewhere. Oh yeah, carpal tunnel. So I don't know if I actually have it or not, but I do spend 8 hours a day typing and clicking (for my real job) and I have a lot of hand,wrist and forearm pain. So I have really been trying to lay off the unnecessary typing as of late to see if it will help.
And it probably would have.
Except there is this one other thing.
I am a colossal clutz. (See my hub Unsmooth Moments if you don't believe me.)
So earlier this week, (I think about 3 days ago), I went outside to put something in the mailbox. I had my slippers on (my official uniform), and, unknown to me, it had been raining. I set one fluffily pink padded foot onto my wooden porch, and promptly slid down the three stairs, toppling into the flower bed in front of my house, landing on my right wrist right smack in the middle of a sprinkler head.
Holy mother of crap that frickin hurt. I am really hoping that no one in my neighborhood saw it. I imagine it was probably a sight, this unshowered, crazy haired woman in a fluffy pink bathrobe and matching slippers flying into a barren flower bed in the rain, swearing profusely, at noon on a Tuesday. I could practically hear the missionaries running in the other direction.
So I went inside and nursed my bruised ego with a cup of coffee and the last of the 2 pound box of chocolates my hubby gave me for Christmas, (you rock babe), took a couple Ibuprofen and got back to work. No writing that day.
So then the next day, I thought "ok, get through this work day, and you can write that rant you've had brewing all day". Then I headed upstairs to put my lunch dishes in the sink. Well,my fuzzy pink slipper caught on the wood floor lip at the top of the stairs and I slammed into the wood floor, face, shoulder, and yep...you guessed it, wrist first. There aren't even enough swear words to express how ticked I was. Luckily, no one saw this one, except my cat, who I swear was laughing at me. I just laid there for a few minutes, thinking to myself "gosh, I hope I can get up, cause my cell phone is downstairs and the kids won't be home for a good three hours!" I suddenly pictured myself in the starring role of the woman on the medicalert commercial who is lying on the floor, screeching, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" There's only one problem with this scenario. I am 32 for crying in the frickin dark. So I picked my sorry ass up off the floor, cleaned up the spaghetti sauce that I had managed to cake the dining room with, and got back to work. No writing that day.
So the last two nights, by the time 5 o'clock has rolled around, my shoulder and wrist has hurt so much, I could barely even function, let alone write. I even took some of those stupid muscle relaxers my doctor gave me, although they did nothing. I honestly probably would have committed murder last night in exchange for Vicodin. But I soldiered through, and proudly have taken nothing stronger than black coffee today. My wrist still hurts like hell, but I'm starting to get used to it.
So today was the day. I got all my work done, and headed downstairs, trying to decide which one of my fabulous ideas would take the form of a new daily rant. I really should call it my semi annual rant, because My Daily Rant is kind of misleading. But since I make no money from my writing, I don't really think it can be considered misleading advertising can it? Focus, Bucky, focus. Oh yeah. The narrowing of fabulous ideas. And then it happened.
I walked in the back door of my house and headed straight towards the basement stairs, eyes on my desk, idea in head, typing fingers poised. Suddenly, my fat, lazy, crazy cat shot off the back of the couch (where she had undoubtedly been lying for the past 8 hours), and did this zig-zag thing in front of me like she was trying to dodge bullets in a firefight.
Yes, people, I am sad to admit, I tripped over my freaking cat and fell down the stairs.
I will give you a minute to wipe away the tears and pick yourself up off the floor.
So, my faithful fans, followers, and friends....I apologize profusely for not having written sooner. But I have been busy falling.