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Job Posting - Nazgul, Careers in Evil
Are you looking for an exciting new career in the field of evil? Are you ready to serve one of the most powerful masters of nature? Do you have what it takes to lead tens of thousands of non-humans into battle? Are you vile, insidious, ruthless and punctual?
Then consider the career of Nazgul!
As a black rider, you will spy, torture, and murder for one of the foremost Misfortune 500 companies in Middle Earth. As a servant of Morgoth, you will travel to distant lands to seek out the Dark Lord's enemies and his occasional lost trinket. You will command hoards of orcs and trolls in battles to enslave or eradicate entire species!
(And also bind your essence to the Dark Lord for eternity)
-Company car--your choice of black stallion or featherless stinky bird
-Your own personal ring of power! Force others to submit to your bidding!
-Health plan that spans both the physical and wraith worlds. Includes immortality, near indestructibility, and dental.
-You get to kill people and not get in trouble!
-Must have ten years experience in a position of power.
-Fluency in Orcish and/or Troll a plus.
-Applicant must stand three rounds with a Balrog
-Applicants must have at LEAST a master's degree in Torture, Hench Services, Orcish-American studies, Trigonometry, General Evil, or related field.
-Be able to thrive in a fast-paced environment of darkness
Please send resumes to:
Office of the Dark Lord Sauron, Barad-dur, 506 Maple Lane, Mordor.
Attn: Barry, Dark Lord of Human Resources
The Land of Mordor is not an equal opportunity employer.