Kelly Videos - Shoes & Text Message Breakup
Kelly loves shoes
Intro: Happy birthday, twins. A computer! And a car! Thanks, Mom and Dad! Kelly, go ahead and open your present. What the hell?! What'd you expect, condoms? Nice present, Kelly. Shut up, deck! Skank! I'm going to betch-slap you, shetbag! Now, stop fighting, you two are twins. For goodness' sakes, don't they have the same thoughts? Shoes. Playstation. Fiscal responsibility. Tom Skerritt. Kelly, where are you going? Out. Whore. Kelly, what are you going to do with your life? I'm going to get what I want.
Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Omigod shoes. Let's get some shoes (x4) These shoes rule. These shoes suck.
I think you have too many shoes. Shut up! (x4)
Stupid boy (x2). Let's get some shoes. Let's party.
These shoes are 300 dollars (x2). These shoes are 300 fecking dollars. Let's get 'em.
This style runs small. I don't think you're going to fit. I mean, your feet are kinda big. Oh (x3). And by the way, betch, FECK YOU.
Those shoes are mine, betch. Those shoes are fecking mine, betch.
Margaret Cho makes a cameo
Text Message Breakup
Intro: My name's Chris. You know, in this hustle and bustle world, it's so nice that we can all eat together as a family. Who is this? That's Kelly's little friend, Heather, mother Grandma. Oh. She looks like a dead person. Have a shot of whisky, honey, makes you feel better. You're not feeding whisky to the children, mother Grandma. Good potatoes, Mrs. B. Oh! It speaks. Kelly, what is this $300 charge? Oh, those telemarketers always get me. Grandma, you have to stop answering the telephone. But it rings. It's probably Kelly, buying shoes or something. Wait, wait. Here's my imitation of Kelly: shoes-shoes-shoes-GAY. (Laughter) That's a good imitation. That's funny. Kelly's fecking rad! I'm a vampire. Kelly, I hope you're not wearing that to meet your boyfriend. Gonna think you're cheap. Boyfriend?! Who wants to date you? That's the one that comes around looking for sex. Well he does! Don't have sex. Sex is for married people. Sooo not hungry now. Honey, you're so thin, you won't last through the winter. Have some whisky, honey. Makes you feel better. How come your boyfriend doesn't call you? Yeah he will, he's probably calling me right now, deck!
Bitch! Betch! You are not on this list, betch! She's here!
You couldn't do it in person! You had to text message break up, you fuck up. Oh my God, I wanna to throw up. You couldn't even spell break right. B-R-A-K-E? That's in your car, dummy. And I'm not going to take this disgrace. I'll be like mace in your face on MySpace. Just you wait until you read the shit about you I'm going to blog about. You like text so much? How much you like it now?
You can't text message break up! (x3) After 2 years?!
You can't text message break up! (x3) Get a clue! I'll go Alanis Morrissette on you!
I'm going to blog and text and post and host, podcast your bastard ass from coast to coast. My ex-BF is a cyberspace coward and he plays with his ***hole in the shower. I'm going to tell all my girlfriends how bad the sex was. I'm just like President Bush in a gay parade in Texas. I'm going to spit and tell you $h*t. If you don't like it, you can lick my f**ing clit! For once!
You still owe me $1200, $h1trag. (How long have you been standing there?!)
Get a clue. No, let the clue stay lost, just feck you, deck!
What a loser! I can't believe he did that! What a douchebag! You'll never get laid in this town again! I'm going to send that guy a douchebag in the mail!
I'll use the same weapon against you, because I can type too. EXBF 4EVER, deck!