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Keystone Light: Unsmooth Moments

Updated on February 23, 2010

Nothing adds to a good night like reading the Unsmooth Moments printed on Keystone Light cans since 2008. Whether you read the quotes for their comic value or for advice on what not to do, Keystone's Unsmooth Moments are a crucial part of the party. You will find many Keystone commercials on youtube from their "Unsmooth" marketing scheme, but only on this site will you find a list of the Unsmooth Moments. So sit back, crack open a stone, enjoy the list, and remember "Always Smooth (Even when you're not)." Keystone Brewing claims that there are at least 144 in print, so if you find one not on this site, make sure to leave a comment with the quote! I now have all 144.

ALWAYS SMOOTH (EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT)

ANSWERED A SINGLES AD (IT WAS YOUR WIFE'S)

APPLIED FOR A NEW JOB ONLINE (IT WAS YOUR CURRENT ONE)

ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS (YOU ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS)

BEST FRIEND IS IN TOWN (AND CALLED YOU FOR BAIL MONEY)

BLEW IN HER EAR (WHILE BLOWING YOUR NOSE)

BOUGHT A NEW PAIR OF JEANS (AT THE GROCERY STORE)

BOUGHT A WINNING TICKET (WASHED IT WITH YOUR PANTS)

BOUGHT HER A BIRTHDAY GIFT (AT THE AUTO-PARTS STORE)

BOUGHT HER A CAT (SHE'S ALLERGIC)

BOUGHT HER A RING (TONE)

BOUGHT LINGERIE FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND (SENT IT TO YOUR MOM)

BOUGHT NEW SHIRT FOR INTERVIEW (LEFT THE TAG ON)

BOWLED A 300 (ROLLED THIRTY FRAMES)

BROUGHT HOME DINNER (STUCK IN YOUR TEETH)

BUSTED A MOVE (PULLED YOUR GROIN)

CALLED IN SICK TO CATCH A GAME (MADE THE SPORTS NETWORK)

CALLED YOUR BOSS A NAME (HE WAS RIGHT BEHIND YOU)

CAUGHT A WAVE (LOST YOUR SWIMSUIT)

CAUGHT HER EYE (SHE LOOKED AWAY)

CAUGHT THE GAME (DURING THE BALLET)

CAUGHT THE GARTER (AT YOUR OWN WEDDING)

CAUGHT THE RED-EYE (TO THE WRONG CITY)

CHECKED HER OUT (RAN INTO A LAMPPOST)

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 12 (IT WAS YOU)

COMPLIMENTED HER COSTUME (IT WASN'T HALLOWEEN)

DIALED MANDY (DIALED MINDY)

FELL ASLEEP IN HER ARMS (SHE WAS STILL TALKING)

FILLED IT WITH PREMIUM (IT'S A DIESEL)

FINALLY MADE HER LAUGH (YOUR FLY WAS DOWN)

FINALLY MET HER PARENTS (YOUR FLY WAS DOWN)

FINISHED A BIG PROJECT (WHILE YOUR BOSS TOOK THE CREDIT)

FINISHED A MARATHON (OF REALITY SHOW TELEVISION)

FINISHED YOUR HOLIDAY SHOPPING (ON JANUARY 3RD)

FORWARDED AN OFF-COLOR EMAIL (TO THE ENTIRE COMPANY)

FOUND 2 NEW ROOMMATES (THEY GO BY MOM AND DAD)

FOUND YOUR LOST DIARY (IN THE BREAK ROOM AT WORK)

FOUND YOUR WALLET (AFTER CANCELLING YOUR CREDIT CARDS)

GAVE A KILLER PRESENTATION (OF TONIGHT'S SPECIALS)

GAVE HER A RING (AROUND HER BATHTUB)

GAVE THE BEST-MAN SPEECH (YOU WEREN'T THE BEST MAN)

GAVE YOUR BUDDY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT (SAME ONE HE GAVE YOU)

GOT A BLACK BELT (FOR YOUR NEW BLACK PANTS)

GOT A COOL NEW RINGTONE (IT WENT OFF DURING A FUNERAL)

GOT A DEAL ON FLOOR SEATS TO GAME 7 (IT'S A 5 GAME SERIES)

GOT A FASHIONABLE NEW HAIRCUT (TO COVER YOUR BALD SPOT)

GOT CAR WASHED (LEFT WINDOW DOWN)

GOT DOWN ON THE DANCE FLOOR (COULDN'T GET BACK UP)

GOT HER A DIAMOND RING (THAT SAID ZIRCONIA ON THE BOX)

GOT HER NUMBER (FORGOT HER NAME)

GOT OUT OF A TICKET (BY CRYING)

GOT SOME DIRT ON YOUR BOSS (HAD TO SPRING FOR THE DRY CLEANING)

GOT THE HIGH SCORE (ON THE CHOLESTEROL TEST)

GOT THERE ON TIME (TWO DAYS LATE)

GOT THERE ON TIME (WASN'T INVITED)

GOT TO THE INTERVIEW EARLY (A DAY LATE)

GOT TO WORK EARLY (ON A HOLIDAY)

GOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND LINGERIE (FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY)

GRILLED HER A STEAK (SHE'S A VEGETARIAN)

HEARD SOME JUICY OFFICE GOSSIP (IT WAS ABOUT YOU)

HELD OPEN THE DOOR (INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC)

HELD OPEN THE DOOR (INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC)

HIT A HOMER (THROUGH YOUR NEIGHBOR'S WINDOW)

HIT ON A BRIDESMAID (SHE WAS YOUR COUSIN)

HOOKED A 200-POUNDER (IT WAS YOUR BUDDY)

HOOKED A LARGE MOUTH (SHE KEEPS TALKING)

HOOKED SOMETHING BIG (PULLED IN A TIRE)

HOOKED UP WITH A GIRL (AT YOUR FAMILY REUNION)

IT HAPPENED IN VEGAS (IT DIDN'T STAY THERE)

KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK (INTO A WINDSHIELD)

MADE HER LAUGH (BY ASKING FOR HER NUMBER)

MADE HER LAUGH (YOU FELL DOWN)

MADE RESERVATIONS (FOR THE TABLE NEXT TO THE BATHROOM)

MET A GIRL ONLINE (HE'S THIRTY-SEVEN)

MET A WOMAN AT THE GYM (AND HER BODYBUILDING BOYFRIEND)

MET WITH YOUR FINANCIAL ADVISOR (IN LOS VEGAS)

NAILED THE PUNCH LINE (DURING A EULOGY)

NOTHING BUT NET (YOU WERE FISHING)

PICKED UP A GIRL (ON YOUR SCOOTER)

PICKED UP A HOTTIE (GOT A HERNIA)

PICKED UP THE BILL (PUT IT BACK DOWN)

PICKED UP THE TAB ( BY WASHING THE DISHES)

PULLED A GROIN (WATCHING TV)

PUT COLD BEER IN THE TRUNK (ALONG WITH YOUR KEYS)

PUT ON A SPARE TIRE (UNDER YOUR SHIRT)

PUT ON COLOGNE ( INSTEAD OF TAKING A SHOWER)

PUT UP THE LIGHTS (BROUGHT DOWN THE GUTTER)

PUT YOUR ARM AROUND HER (HAD BBQ SAUCE ON YOUR SLEEVE)

RAN INTO YOUR OLD BOSS AT LUNCH (HE LEFT YOU A DECENT TIP)

RAN ONE BACK (THE WRONG WAY)

RAN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH HER HAIR (IT WAS A WIG)

RECORDED THE GAME (OVER THE WEDDING VIDEO)

REMEMBERED HER BIRTHDAY (FORGOT HER NAME)

REMEMBERED HER BIRTHDAY (THREE DAYS LATE)

REMEMBERED TO CALL (FOROT HER NAME)

REPLACED THE OIL (BUT NOT THE PLUG)

ROLLED UP IN A HOT CAR (FREON LEAK)

SAW YOUR BOSS AT THE GAME (YOU CALLED IN SICK)

SCORED THE WINNING GOAL (FOR THE OTHER TEAM)

SENT HER FLOWERS (SHE'S ALLERGIC)

SENT OUR A COMPANY WIDE MEMO (FORGOT TO SPELL CHECK)

SENT OUT YOUR RESUME (COPIED YOUR BOSS)

SEXY LADY CAME BY AT THE BAR (TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO ORDER)

SHAVED YOUR HEAD (AND YOUR EYEBROWS)

SHE ASKED FOR AN HONEST OPINION (YOU GAVE IT)

SHE ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER (NEEDS HANDYMAN)

SHE ASKED YOU HOW YOU FEEL (YOU SAID "HUNGRY")

SHE CALLED YOU AT HOME (YOUR MOTHER ANSWERED)

SHE COMPLIMENTED YOUR SWEATER (YOU WERE SHIRTLESS)

SHE REALLY LIKES YOU (AS A FRIEND)

SHE SAID YOU WEREN'T EXCHANGING GIFTS (YOU BELIEVED HER)

SHE THINKS YOU'RE PERFECT (FOR HER ROOMMATE)

SHE TOTALLY WANTS YOU (TO HELP HER MOVE)

SHE WANTS YOUR BODY (TO BE LESS HAIRY)

SHOT A 72 (ON THE FRONT 9)

STARTED A MODELING CAREER (AS THE "BEFORE" MODEL)

STARTED RUNNING (FROM YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOGS)

STARTED TO RECYCLE (THE SAME STORIES AGAIN AND AGAIN)

STAYED THE NIGHT (ON THE COUCH)

TALKED TO HER FOR AN HOUR (AT $2.99 A MINUTE)

TATTOOED "MINDY" ON YOUR ARM (HER NAME IS "MANDY")

THE DOGS PICKED UP A SCENT (IT WAS YOU)

THE RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE (ON YOUR DRIVING EXAM)

TOLD HER SHE WAS HOT (LIKE NACHOS)

TOLD HER SHE'S THE ONE (WHO SHOULD PICK UP THE BEER)

TOLD HER YOU CARE (ABOUT FOOTBALL)

TOLD HER YOU CHANGED (YOUR BOXERS)

TOLD HER YOU LOVED HER (AFTER YOU BURPED)

TOLD STACEY YOU LOVED HER (HER NAME IS SANDY)

TOOK EVERYONE TO DINNER (LEFT YOUR WALLET AT HOME)

TOOK HER OUT FOR A SPIN (SHE THREW UP)

TOOK HER TO A NICE RESTAURANT (TO GET A JOB APPLICATION)

WAS THE MVP (FOR THE OTHER TEAM)

WASHED THE WHITES (DIDN'T SEE THE RED SOCKS)

WASHED YOUR HANDS (SOAKED YOUR PANTS)

WATCHED HER DOG (IT RAN AWAY)

WENT HUNTING (BAGGED A DECOY)

WON A FREE MESSAGE (FROM A BURLY MAN NAMED SCAR)

WON CONCERT TICKETS (NEXT TO THE SPEAKERS)

WORE BLAZE ORANGE (TO A TURKEY HUNT)

WORE CAMO (TO YOUR SISTERS WEDDING)

WROTE HER A LOVE POEM (SHE KNOWS THE SONG)

WROTE HER NAME IN WET CEMENT (SPELLED IT WRONG)

YOU SAID "I DO" (SHE SAID "NO WAY")

YOU WERE THE BEST MAN (FORGOT THE RINGS)

YOU'RE HOLDING 3 KINGS (YOU'RE PLAYING BLACKJACK)

Country Club Commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1gYexFY7RQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0WEOrd7jsI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0u8AHYqi5E

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    • profile image

      Sam K. Stone 8 years ago

      Wow, what great site. You have made good progress on getting all of the moments and the videos are great!

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      LT 8 years ago

      hooked a large-mouth (she keeps talking)

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      LT 8 years ago

      REMEMBERED TO PULL IT (FORGOT TO PRAY)

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      andre 8 years ago

      bagged a 6 point buck ( With your Bumper)

    • profile image

      andre 8 years ago

      Asked her When shes do ( SHES NOT)

      hah someone stone me right now

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      cait 8 years ago

      winning 11 games of beer pong ( 6 am practice)

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      alex 8 years ago

      she said shes getting fat ( you agreed)

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      lucy 8 years ago

      you had a summer fling ( with your brothers co worker)

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      Robert redford 8 years ago

      Caught the wedding band (Grandma caught bouquet)

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      Jen 8 years ago

      Got a free burrito (paid for it later) haha

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      Jason 8 years ago

      Filled it with premium. (It's a diesel)

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      Jake 8 years ago

      She asked for an honest opinion (You gave it)

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      ryan 8 years ago

      kissed her (found out it was a him)

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      dyno5 8 years ago

      i got one of my own i pulled

      saw her in the hall(walked into a wall)

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      ash 8 years ago

      asked her to get her panties off his floor(they arent hers)

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      joe 8 years ago

      Bought her a drink( shes a recovering alcoholic)

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      Chris 8 years ago

      Accidently pushed her into my nightstand (Was trying to hit the bed, we were about to have sex)

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      Philip 8 years ago

      Went to push her on the bed, missed, head hit the night stand!

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      stud 8 years ago

      bagged a six point buck (with your bumper)

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      nick  8 years ago

      Took the van to the beach (It doesn't float)

      thought of this while driving to florida for spring break haha

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      stunner 8 years ago

      she said on me (i heard in me)

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      loveeeee it 8 years ago

      arrived to the party on time (wasn't invited).

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      looks 8 years ago

      Bought her a ring (already married)

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      joni 8 years ago

      passed a highway patrol going 8o

      he stopped the truck behind me

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      ben H 8 years ago

      Bowled a 300 (rolled thirty frames)

      Watched Her Dog (It ran away)

      hahaha keystone was on sale today for 12 dollars a 30 rack.

      bought 60 dollars worth. muhahaha

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      max 8 years ago

      My massive wife broke her leg. I drove her to the hospital and went in to the hospital to get a wheel chair. I returned to the car with an average looking wheel chair and attempted to place her in it. She would not fit in the wheel chair. I had to return the average size wheel chair and bring back an extra wide wheel chair. I told the doctors "not to let her suffer and put her down".

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      matt 8 years ago

      You were the MVP (for the other team)

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      Meranda 8 years ago

      Got 2 New Roommates ( They Go By Mom And Dad)

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      jordan(: 8 years ago

      my new favorites.

      bought her a ring (tone)

      wrote her name in wet cement (spelled it wrong)

      stayed the night (on the couch)

      made her laugh (by asking for her number)

      she said i was perfect (for her roommate)

      and im only seventeen(:

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      Joe 8 years ago

      Drank a beer (It was Keystone)

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      jordan(: 7 years ago

      hit a homerun (through the neighbors window)

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      Andy  7 years ago

      She wore Pumpkin earings (it was only september)

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      nikki 7 years ago

      she really likes you (as a friend)

      got her a diamond ring (that said zirconia on the box)

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      Katie 7 years ago

      Threw old coat in fire (Cellphone was in it)

      that's from my own experience!

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      greg 7 years ago

      got banned from campus (not even enrolled)

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      Casey 7 years ago

      She wants your body (to be less hairy)

      Told her you care (about football)

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      Bobby Schriener  7 years ago

      Told her I own the place

      (She owned the place)

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      Brennan Freedle 7 years ago

      Cheated on my girlfriend (Didn't know it was her sister)

    • profile image

      Shannon 7 years ago

      Sent a nasty text about a co-worker (accidently to the Co- worker, she did not like it)

    • profile image

      Shannon 7 years ago

      Made fun of my dads new girl friend, (she is in my daughters class)

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      sanchez 7 years ago

      took her to a nice restaurant (to get a job application)

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      Jodi 7 years ago

      i told her she was hot{like nachos}

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      Rob 7 years ago

      Did a beer run (car wouldn't start)

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      aaron 7 years ago

      Asked her when shes due (shes not)

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      travis 7 years ago

      ask her out (she told me we are out)

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      Landsor 7 years ago

      told me to put it in (it already was)

    • profile image

      Aaron G. aka t3chno1983 7 years ago

      Put cold beer in the trunk (Along with your keys)

    • profile image

      caelyn 7 years ago

      cop pulled me over (it was my dad)

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      keystonian moment 7 years ago

      felt up her skirt (found out it was a him)

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      keystonian moment 7 years ago

      cleaned out my parent's garage (now I have no place to sleep)

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      Andrew 7 years ago

      Caught her eye. (She looked away)

    • profile image

      keystonian moment  7 years ago

      caught her eye (with my elbow)

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      Happyauer 7 years ago

      Met up with a guy I met via internet dating service (he was my current boyfriend)

    • profile image

      jollyroger 7 years ago

      asked her out (met her at the gay bar)

    • profile image

      MITCH MANDELKOW 7 years ago

      SPENT THE NIGHT UNDER THE STARS (AFTER LOCKING YOURSELF OUT)

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      MITCH MANDELKOW 7 years ago

      CLEANED UP YOUR HARD DRIVE (BY DELETING ALL YOUR FILES)

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      Jim Muldoon 7 years ago

      For unsmooth moments-how about-- You said, dinners on me--She said, here's a knapkin.

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      jeffo 7 years ago

      WENT TO THE GAY RODEO(NEVER REALIZED)

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      John_ll 7 years ago

      Woke up at 4 am (Stores closed-no Keystone)

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      trish 7 years ago

      Put gase in her dad's truck....it was a deisel!

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      Jacob 7 years ago

      grilled her a T-Bone steak (she was a vegieterian)

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      Matt 6 years ago

      won the fight (got arrested for attempted murder)

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      Richelle 6 years ago

      went to the casino and spent $4.25 (on nachos)

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      Danielle Gamibll 6 years ago

      SO What I want to KNowI show to submit a smooth moment cause these are getting a bit stupid Time for a new thought

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      annir 6 years ago

      thought of a new smooth/smoother moment.smooth- won the beer pong championship. smoother-with one throw!

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      sam stephens 6 years ago

      eating a live animal (before it eats you)

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      Ronnie B. 6 years ago

      Drinking Keystone Light........From someone else's ice chest.

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      eric 6 years ago

      Was at girlfriends fathers funeral. Tried to use cell phone, had no service and said"im in a dead zone"

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      Reverend Joey 6 years ago

      Used a condom (It had a hole in it)

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      Erika 6 years ago

      Told my friend the guy across the room said he wants to do me (my friend was talking to his girlfriend)

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      Dave Brandt 5 years ago

      Ran 30 Miles yesterday......From the COPS.

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      Mike lyman 4 years ago

      Called your house,your mother answered!

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      Futamarka 4 years ago

      Тёплый пол излучает равномерные не сильные тепловые потоки, которые не вызывают обильного движения пыли. Задумайтесь, почему при радиаторном отоплении на шифоньере так много пыли? Такая система отопления тонзуры не сжигает ни влагу ни кислород. Её не видно в хохотании, так как она спрятана в пол и не нуждается в обслуживании, а тем более в визаже.

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      Keith... 3 years ago

      If you're going to give a lady a pet name . Better steer clear of names like rusty or bandit. It's not that kind of name

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      Tanner 2 years ago

      Got her number (forgot her name)

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      Jose Corchado 13 months ago

      Smooth: Doing the moonwalk

      Smoother: Doing the moonwalk on the moon

    • profile image

      gepeTooRs 13 months ago

      With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My site has a lot of completely unique content IÕve either authored myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my agreement.

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