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Kill All Bronies

Updated on April 14, 2015

Deviant Weirdos

This is what a Brony looks like.
This is what a Brony looks like. | Source


When I say "Kill All Bronies" I'm not saying we should literally murder someone. I do not condone murder. I don't want to kill Bronies themselves but the pedophiliac culture that has been cultivated by them. We need to kill the culture and eradicate it, along with racism, sexism, fascism, capitalism, etc-ism.

What Is A Brony?

Bronies are fedora-wearing neckbeards who are obsessed with a TV show called My Little Pony. My Little Pony (referred to as MLP from here on) is a TV show for little girls. When I say little girls, I mean girls from ages 3-10, generally (though up to 13 I would say is pretty acceptable for a girl to be into). Also, I don't find it unacceptable for a little boy (same age group) to be into it. The point is that children, not teenagers, are who should be into this show. Not sweaty smelly teenage boys who spend time playing Dance Dance Revolution and referring to women as "m'lady".

A Little Bit About My Little Pony (MLP)

Okay so let's breakdown the show real quick: it takes place in a fictional (I think?) world called Equestria (I seriously can't find it on a map). So one of them is named Princess Celestia and I guess she rules the whole world or something. Anyway she sends her servant girl Twilight Sparkle to go fight some enemy (because Princess Celestia is a princess and thus has her serfs and plebes do all the work for her) and when Twilight Sparkle (wait in Twilight vampires sparkle I see the illuminati connection wake up sheeple!) gets there she teams up with some of her friends and they defeat the badguy. I don't know their names but they're also silly like Rainbow Dash and other things little girls (NOT TEENAGE BOYS) should be into.

Here's What They Look Like

My Little Pony
My Little Pony | Source

What's Wrong With Bronies?

  1. They're pedophiles. Seriously. More on that below.
  2. They wear fedoras. Have you seen fedoras? They're dumb as heck unless you're a mobster from the 1940s Chicago underground. Stop wearing fedoras.
  3. They have neckbeards. What's a neckbeard? Google it. They're gross. Shave them! For really real, get rid of your nasty neckbeard.
  4. They're into furry porn, which I'm going to touch on (not literally, gross) in another hub. Basically it's people dressing up as anthropological animals and having sex. Bronies are known to draw the Ponies from MLP performing sexual acts.
  5. Your children can't do a search of My Little Pony without seeing the aforementioned disgusting porn.
  6. They talk about the show constantly, which is their right to do, but even if they have a right to do it, it doesn't mean they're not freaking annoying.

You Don't Want Your Teens To Be This

Please Take The Poll For Scientific Research

Are you or someone you know a Brony?

See results

Bronies Are Pedophiles

Let's just start off talking about how my buddy's three year old daughter loves MLP. She's does normal three year old girl things. She has an older sister who's a good kid, too. My friend raises good children. I fear for them.

One popular brony website, which I won't name because I don't want you to go to their website which gives them traffic and thus ad revenue, has bragged they are “corrupting little girls television.” They're admitting to being terrible people.

So in the show it's debatable that the pony's are kids or not (inb4 they can't be kids because they're doing things on their own: look at Pokémon, Adventure Time) and these Brony dudes are sexually attracted to them.

Even if they're not kids in the show, who is the majority of people playing with MLP toys? Not Bronies, it's little girls. Do you really want to be going down the toy aisle with your 4 year old daughter when there's a group of pedophile boys hovering over the MLP toys touching themselves?

Yes, you guys are cool.
Yes, you guys are cool. | Source

Famous Bronies

Famous For
Approx. Age
John Cena
Andrew W.K.
Rock Star
Gabe Newell
Owns Valve, a video game corporation
Not saying that these people are necessarily pedophiles. I am not slandering anyone here.
Check out those sick sideburns.
Check out those sick sideburns. | Source

Bronies Are Sexist

There are definitely female Bronies out there, which I'm pretty sure we shouldn't refer to as "Bro"nies, but whatever. Anyway, they're out there and just as bad as the male bronies in that some of them are also pedo's and they're drawing furry porn and they're definitely ruining MLP for children.

But I'm going to spend a few sentences defending them:

Bronies, the male ones, the actual BROnies, have made it clear that this is a white male fandom. If you do any sort of search for "Brony" you will see 90% or more images guessed it, white dudes. They're generally noninclusive in their little groups. In fact there was a Brony documentary they made and there are women out there who are like "Yo, where's all the chicks?" That's not fair to women, and they're pretty sexist. Also, I've seen a lot of Bronies out there fighting for "Men's Rights". Here's a pro-tip: MEN ALREADY HAVE ALL THE RIGHTS.

She's cute and could do better.
She's cute and could do better. | Source

We Need To Get Rid Of Brony Culture

In conclusion: kill all bronies.

And I'm going to throw this out there right now, before it's published, that I bet the comments I'll get on this will only exemplify how toxic the Brony culture is.

Tell me how you hate me:

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