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Learn How To Name Your Baby Like A Celebrity Baby
This is America, and we love celebrities. We are completely obsessed with celebrity hair, celebrity relationships, celebrity gossip and oh yes, Celebrity Babies. When two beautiful famous people stay together long enough to produce a child, the public pays attention. Because of the heightened media scrutiny, celebrities put extraordinary effort into the most visible aspect of their baby; its name. Some couples have even employed consultants to help them pick the perfect baby name. After all, a name can define you in Hollywood, and it's never too early to start thinking about your career.
Celebrity baby names like: Siri Cruise, Shiloh and Pax Jolie-Pitt, Kal-El Cage, Indiana Affleck, and Jermajesty Jackson are iconic and enigmatic. It may seem impossible to pick the best name for you own child, but I will teach you secret of the celebrities. Follow these simple rules to learn how to name a baby just like the stars do!
The Celebrity Baby Naming Secret Revealed
Movie stars and celebrities don't have time pour over thousands of names in baby books; they're too busy volumizing their hair, shopping for shoes, and planning 'accidental' wardrobe malfunctions. There is so much time spent hiring a baby stylist, publicist, and agent, that there is only 5-10 minutes left over for the actual naming of the child.
To cope with this time crunch, the Secret Celebrity Coalition of America (SCCA) developed this fool-proof recipe for celebrity baby-naming success, and distributed it on carbon fiber business cards at subsequent secret meetings, prefaced by the slogan "It's even easier than making a baby." Thru means that I am not at liberty to describe, I have come into possession of one such business card, and I am determined to share its secrets with the world.
The Guide To Celebrity Baby Naming
According to the SCCA, there are 7 officially endorsed methods of naming your celebrity baby. Deviate from this technique at your own risk.
Choose one of the following methods, and choose wisely:
- City, State or Country
This method is extremely popular with celebrity couples, and for good reason: it is quick and easy and can be as simple as throwing darts at a map while blindfolded. Try to keep it to four syllables or under. Examples: Savannah, Indiana, Egypt
- Precious Gemstone or Jewel
Celebrities spend millions of dollars on jewelry and diamonds to let you know how rich they are. Your celebrity baby is a treasure to be flaunted and needs a name to match. Examples: Pearl, Diamond, Ruby, Emerald
- Foods That Are Delicious
Give your newborn superstar a tasty sounding name, and the public will eat him or her up.Examples: Honey, Apple, Coco, Krystal, Cookie
- Plant, Tree or Flower
Your precious bundle of joy will grow more beautiful every day, just as their fame will grow as they are hounded by throngs of paparazzi. This harmonic relationship can be symbolized with a name. Examples: Ivy, Dandelion, Rose, Daisy, Tulip, Maple
- Day, Month or Season
Time waits for no man, but celebrities manage to slow it down. Immortalize a moment in time with the perfect name. Examples: January, Sunday, Autumn, Summer, June
- Movie or Book Character, Author or Musician
A writer may take years to select the perfect name for his protagonist, but this is America; let the writers do all the work and then steal it. Besides, celebrities are too busy bringing the characters to life to worry about who created them. Examples: Holden, Rourke, Clapton, Stella, Sawyer, Kal-El, Ahab, Hamlet
- A Name That Connotes Wealth, Fame, or Power
Your celebrity baby will spend its life in the upper echelons of society and needs a name to match his status. Examples: Rich, Star, Barron, Prince, Queen, Duke, Wizard.
Combine two of the above techniques to form a two word first name. Warning: should only be attempted by experienced baby namers or celebrity parents who are so famous they can be identified by first names alone. Examples: Blue Ivy, Sunday Wizard, Savannah Pearl
There you have it! Now anyone can learn how to name their baby just like a celebrity. The hard part is over! Now all you have to do is figure out how to keep your famous baby from growing into a spoiled brat. Best of luck!