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Little Known Bit of World History

Updated on April 9, 2011

A Moment in History

It was only 200 years ago that corndogs ruled the world. While people around the world in positions of power were talking about manifest destiny and empires of wealth and fame, the corndogs snuck up on them and took over. It was base trickery. No one suspected that the sweet and innocent corndogs would ever dare such a thing. At that time, few people even knew what a corndog was. But there you had it. The corndogs were suddenly in control. Before the shock subsided and rebellious anger set in, thousands of people across the globe were forced to take mustard baths. Those who wanted to retain any sort of power under the corndogs rule, had to have half their teeth pulled and be tattooed with the word "snake" on a prominent part of their body.

The cruelty of the corndogs lasted barely a year. Soon an army was created by none other than Napoleon Bonaparte who vowed never to be held thrall by a pork by-product. His early stunning victories against the greasy aggressors convinced other nations that the time was ripe for revolution. Aided by only a band of puritan vegetarians and some scary looking carnies, Thomas Jefferson swept the corndogs out of the thirteen colonies. The corndogs, realizing that surprise had been the only real advantage they had ever held, quickly retreated and gave up their seats of authority.

Life went on as it had before, although the people felt an acute sense of shame and embarrassment for having allowed themselves to be subjugated by corndogs. By mutual consent, they all agreed that no one would ever say a word about the Corndog Empire. All references of it were removed from newspapers, books, and those goofy postcards you buy from tourist traps. Today there remains no proof that the corndogs ever held the Earth in bondage, save for vague lapses in the history books about that horrid year; the year that George Washington was accused of being a communist and became angry because communism hadn't been invented yet.


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