Living the Barney Stinson PlayBook Part 2
By: A. Mills
In case you didn't read part one, I convinced one of my close and very dear friends to try out the Barney Stinson playbook. The very Legen-wait for it- dairy Barney Stinson from 'How I Met Your Mother', which is a popular CBS show. The characters are hilarious and awkward, more than a few times, but the character that always intrigued me the most was Barney Stinson, played by Neil Patrick Harris.
My friend, J, already tried his hand at the first SNASA (Secret NASA) and if you'd like to give that a read you can find the link here.
J had a lot of trouble trying to get past the morals of this particular play from the PlayBook because it is called "One Week To Live" and the goal is very simple. You have get a woman to agree to go home with you while under the pretense that you're going to die in a week. "It just feels really sleazy," he told me before we walked into the pub. I had to agree with him and told him that we were only on the second play, he could back out if he wasn't comfortable and also promised him (since I'd looked ahead) that some of them got a lot sleazier.
With a reluctant look on his face, J adopted a vulnerable posture and a weary expression and sluggishly approached the bar. He claimed a bar stool and I took a seat a couple stools down so that I could still hear everything that was said and have a decent view of anything that happened.
J is a very handsome man and ordinarily, women approach him within minutes of entering a bar. This time, however, the element of a sickly cough made women a bit hesitant and I noted more than a few of them who were unsure if they should go up or not. Twenty minutes passed before a particularly lovely redheaded young woman, possibly in her early twenties, approached him. She had one of those soft nurturing faces. Honestly, it didn't surprise me for an instant that she told him she was a veterinary technician. I would have thought that a nurse, a caregiver of the elderly, a boo-boo kissing preschool teacher, any of those would have fit her with the look she had on her face as she approached him.
She sweetly asked him if he was alright, "Do you need me to call anyone for you?" she asked in the most impossibly angelic voices I'd ever heard. He shook his head and coughed as convincingly as he could into a napkin before taking a long draft from his beer. "You sound like you should be home resting," she said with genuine concern, "Why did you come out here?"
I've got almost less than a week left before I die.— J
I steal a glance down the bar at them, past the man who is offering to buy me a drink, and see that she is wearing an expression that I've seen on most mothers faces when they are worried about their child. Nevermind that this woman could easily be five or six years younger than my friend.
J is struggling with the next part, I can see the tension in his back tighten. He hid his face for a moment and the young woman reached out, making physical contact. Her hand landed on his shoulder and slid back and forth over his shoulder blades.
"I don't want to be alone right now," J told her, trying to make his voice sound forced and emotional. I heard her inquire as to why. "I-I am sick," he told her but it was obvious she already knew that, "I've got almost less than a week left before I die," he finally choked out.
There was a moment of silent stillness between the two of them. J kept his face covered and there was a look of stricken surprise smeared across her expression. From beneath his hand, he quickly explained to her that it wasn't contagious and how he really didn't want to get into it. "I just want to enjoy the night...the best I can."
'Here we go,' I thought as I focused more carefully. I thought for certain she'd call him on the pathetic and terrible lie. But instead, her expression changed from surprise to confusion and finally, understanding.
She leaned back in to comfort my ailing friend struggling with his imaginary deadly disease and I watched in disbelief as she offered to take him back to his place so she could make him comfortable but still salvage the night. "We can do much better there than sitting in this grungy old place," she told him with a warm comforting smile.
He nodded meekly smiled at her, that dazzling dimpled smile, and at last threw in the final part of the play with the most puppy dog-like expression, "You're such a nice lady," he began as he pretended to rely on her for some support, "I wish I'd met you sooner. Maybe then..." he falters and attempts to look sheepish and embarrassed, "maybe then I would be leaving this world knowing the intimate company of a woman."
She blushes slightly and whispers in his ear, what he later tells me she says, "The night is not over, I could show you tonight."
My jaw just about hit the floor when I watched them leave the pub together. He threw me a sparkling wink as he hobbled out of the pub. Sicker, it seemed, then when he had arrived.
Apparently, if you have a heart of gold and would do anything to help a dying man, this is a trick to be on the look out for. Please don't let yourselves be taken advantage of this easily, if someone is going to play you, at least play them back a little bit.
I am going to be taking J out again next weekend and he will try play # 3 - The Blind Date. I actually hope that his one gets a little hilarious and I can see how in today's day in age, J is going to have to be really on the ball with this one.
50% success rate
25% Success rate
Get sent home for being a sicky
Attracts Natural Nurses
Attracts all nurturing types
No woman approaches
Dependent on sympathy
sympathy & gullibility
Sore throat from fake cough