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MJM's Random Thoughts part 2

Updated on January 20, 2013

Just as the titles states, this is a collection of my random thoughts (...part 2 of course), I had no other place to put them so I figured I would list them all here for your viewing pleasure. You're not going to find any pearls of wisdom here...or heartwarming sentiment...just a bunch random nonsense that popped in my head throughout the course of my day. There is no method to my madness, there is no rhyme or reason, honestly, I'm not entirely sure how I come up with this stuff...maybe it has something to do with my being dropped on my head when I was a baby...but who knows.

Random Thoughts...

#1. I don't get the whole defecating on each other during sex thing...don't get me wrong I'm not trying judge anyone to each their own...if you're a freak like that have at it, be the best gosh darn freak-a-leak you can be...it's just not for me. Honestly, if I was being intimate with a honey and all the sudden she squatted over me and started heave-hoing...and I saw the brown snake pushing its way through the hole...I would kick her so hard in the kiester that she would take off as if she was being ejected from the cockpit of a plane going down.

#2. Wouldn't it be cool if you could modify your car horn to spout out profanities instead of honks..so that way when someone cuts you off in traffic you could really let them know how you feel without straining your voice.

#3. If colleges had a difficulty setting like in video games, then community college would be the easy setting...trust me I know from person experience, I am currently attending one. A good percentage of the students here should be riding the short bus to school and wearing helmets and water wings on their arms for protection. I feel my IQ dropping every moment I'm here...I even found myself drooling in my breakfast cereal this morning. Hey kids...learn from my mistakes and stay in school and study your butt off so you can get into a real college.

#4. If common sense was currency...and your head a bank account...you'd be in the negative...with many, many NSF fees.

#5. What's the story with pants? When they're on younger people they're hanging off their butts, and when they're on the older people they're pulled up to their nipples, it would seem that as if only the middle-aged wear their pants were they should be. I guess how one wears their pants is a good indication as to where they are in their life.

#6. The art of the fart is that you don't shart when your butt cheeks come apart.

#7. A good way for the church to "spice" things up...and to attract more people...would be to start offering flavored body of Christ wafers...like maybe Sour Cream and Christ or Jez-its (the holy alternative to Cheez-its).

#8. Is it considered drinking and driving if while playing the game LIFE you're pounding back a few brewskies?

#9. Life is a crazy ride...from the birth certificate to the gravestone and everything in-between...just keep your hands and feet inside the car and remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop.

MJM

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    • MichaelJohnMele profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael John Mele 

      5 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @Emmyboy thank you very much kind sir...and let me know how the horn thing works out for you.

    • Emmyboy profile image

      Emmyboy 

      5 years ago from Nigeria

      I like that horn idea and I might be implementing it very soon. Nice weird sense of humor you've got there. Keep it up!

    • MichaelJohnMele profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael John Mele 

      5 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @midget38 there are some people out there who would like for "it" to happen...but I can proudly, and honestly say I'm not one of them.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      5 years ago from Singapore

      Michael, true. I don't think anyone would want #1 to happen, though. Thanks for sharing! Funny hub!!

    • MichaelJohnMele profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael John Mele 

      5 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @TToombs08 that I am...that I am. In my defense though...my mom did a lot of drugs when she was pregnant with me.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 

      5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Michael, you are a sick...sick puppy! lmao! Sane people don't share their deepest demented thoughts. ;)

    • MichaelJohnMele profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael John Mele 

      5 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @Alecia Murphy I totally agree with you...trust me I do.

      Thanks for the support and feedback...I greatly appreciate it.

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 

      5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      #1 shouldn't even be allowed to be a thought- let alone an action. But the thing about pants is true- either they're too high or too low. Hard to imagine it being just right. A funny hub, voted up and shared!

    • MichaelJohnMele profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael John Mele 

      5 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @Sunshine625 I must admit...being, and thinking like me...is kinda scary...sometimes I even cry myself to sleep because of it.

      Thanks for reading...I'm glad you liked it.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      LOL! Oh I can't imagine what it's like thinking like you all day long. You are too funny, yet kind of gross too. #1 ... Ewww! #9 ... good one!

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