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MJM's Random Thoughts

Updated on January 20, 2013
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Just as the titles states, this is a collection of my random thoughts, I had no other place to put them so I figured I would list them all here for your viewing pleasure. You're not going to find any pearls of wisdom here...or heartwarming sentiment...just a bunch random nonsense that popped in my head throughout the course of my day. There is no method to my madness, there is no rhyme or reason, honestly, I'm not entirely sure how I come up with this stuff...maybe it has something to do with my being dropped on my head when I was a baby...but who knows.

Random Thoughts...

#1. I was thinking about a lobotomy...no, not getting one, but why is it called a lobotomy...shouldn't it be called a lotopomy since my head is on the top of me?

#2. Who's scarier...the people trying to ban the guns...or the people loving on the guns like as if they were their own children? Trick question...they're both equally nuts...we don't have a gun problem, we have a people problem. Anyone who thinks owning guns is the problem or anyone who thinks guns are a necessity needs to have their heads examined...the guns aren't crazy, the people are. One side wants everybody to be armed to the teeth so we could handle things like they did back in the Wild West days...and the other side thinks banning guns all together will make us a safer nation with less violent crimes...both sides need to get beat with a wiffle ball bat...not hating, just saying.

#3. Life is a crazy ride...from the birth certificate to the gravestone and everywhere in-between...just keep your hands and feet inside the car and remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop. Please check your sanity at the door and lay your straitjacket on the bed with the rest of the coats. By the way, I love applesauce and I can't wait until I'm old enough to start wearing diapers again, so that I can poop on myself to keep warm when I'm cold and not have to get up from the TV to use the bathroom.

#4. Am I the only one who thinks "jack in the box" sounds perverted?

#5. I hate being sick...but at least I have an excuse for laying around all day, playing video games and getting drunk on NyQuil...well on second thought, I guess being sick isn't all that bad.

#6. Wondering if there is such a food that wouldn't taste better deep fried. Mmmm heart attack.

#7. I think I threw my back out trying to dance to Flo Rida...quick someone call me an attorney...I'm going to sue! I'm too old to be trying to do the cabbage patch...and I have the triple D's to prove it...which is Dentures, Drool and Depends adult under garments.

#8. Have you ever spoken to someone who, no matter what the topic, has to one up you (aka 1 up'ers)? You say you did something, and they reply that they did the same thing, but just with a little more pizazz than you did. These people just don't do it once a conversation either, they do it all throughout, sometimes even going as far as to interrupt you to one up you. Am I alone in wanting to slap these people in the head with a loaf of stale Italian bread.

#9. I wouldn't mind going to jail if it's the all woman's Showtime after dark kind of jail, that I'm OK with, but if it's the Oz jail from HBO then I'm screwed...both literally and figuratively. I'll be sold for a pack of cigarettes and holding onto someones belt loop in no time. I'm not even going to try and front...I'm a complete wuss, as soft as Charmin...I have no doubt my shirt would be tied up in the front and I would be wearing lipstick in no time.

#10. There should be another political party...one for people who don't need to be spoon fed, who don't follow the flock and for people who think for themselves...we could call it the thinking party. We could have a brain for a symbol...and our party color could be rainbow...to annoy all those homophobes out there.

#11. Why do people buy one ply toilet paper, don't they know you'll end up using twice as much? If it's not at least two ply, it's not for me...anything less and you'll just end up with poop on your fingers.

#12. Am I the only one who finds it hard to order food from a fast food menu when I have a case of the giggles? Some of those names are hilarious, and saying it out loud to another human being makes it even harder. When I'm in one of those moods I just pretend I'm crazy, I walk in the restaurant wearing floaties and a bike helmet and just point to what I want...it makes it a lot easier.

#13. I'm a secure man, I don't mind my woman owning/using sex toys of the vibration kind...heck if I'm having a bad day and not able to fulfill her needs I'll even work it for her, well that is along as she's okay with me grabbing a Gatorade or a 5 Hour Energy before hand...but when I see one that looks like it came from King Kong and moves like a jackhammer that's when I'll need to move on. I know I'm not going to be able to compare with that...heck Ron Jeremy couldn't even compare with that...so why even waste my time.

Thanks for reading my random thoughts...it's just one of the side effects of being me...my brain wanders and I think of a lot of nonsense.

MJM

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    • jimagain profile image

      jimagain 

      5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

      Great post. Are you still drunk on Nyquil after you wrote this? Never mind. Just grab a case of those applesause packs and a box of depends and enjoy yourself! As long as you're sober enough to change your own diapers, it will all be OK. If not, I will NOT be answering my phone!

    • MichaelJohnMele profile imageAUTHOR

      Michael John Mele 

      5 years ago from Seffner, Florida

      @fpherj48 I must say, I've been called many things in my lifetime...but genius was never one of them. Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading what I have to say...I really appreciate it. Also, thank you so much for the support, I hope one day to do this for a living...I'm just not sure who would want someone like me on their payroll LOL.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 

      5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I don't know if you're a genius, but you think and write like one. And you are funny as hell! I like your thoughts and opinions and your writing style. I especially love your suggestion for another political party! LOL.

      Mostly your matter-of-fact attitude suits me perfectly...Thanks for this. You're 100% correct! and you're fun to read!! I wish more people thought like you. How simple and happy life would be.....laughing is one of my favorite things!........UPP and shared

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