Man Marries a Ghost, Suspects She’s Unfaithful
Marrying A Ghost
There are many strange marriage customs around the world, but one of the oddest is found in China, India, and the Sudan. Here, a person can bond in holy matrimony to a person who is deceased. This mainly happens when one partner dies while they are engaged, and their partner goes on with the ceremony anyway, ensuring they will be together in the afterlife.
Sometimes, if both betrothed parties pass on, the family marries the deceased couple anyway. In China, the custom is the oldest brother gets married first; but if he dies a bachelor, this creates a big problem. The solution is to have someone marry his ghost, allowing the next son in line to get married without causing a haunting.
A New Business Opportunity
One man heard about this idea and decided to expand his ghost tour company located in Savannah, Georgia. Shannon Scott helps run the 6th Sense World company, and developed a new side business called “Grooms and Ghosts.” It is much like a Russian bride service for the spirit world.
When I interviewed him about this new dating model he said, “Well, I think I discovered a whole new untapped niche market. There are tons of guys out there who are too desperate or ugly to get a woman in real life. Our company works around this problem and finds the perfect spectral bride for the un-dateable. We’re here for all those men who fail in the real world by offering them love in the afterlife.”
He went on to explain, “Ghost women can be a little difficult to contact, but we tempt them using special Ouija boards that are covered with chocolate shavings, glitter, pastels, and pictures of kittens.
Once the couple is introduced, we chaperone a date, and do all the things that ghosts like to do on dates. Our facility has its own pottery wheel where the two can romantically hold hands and work a lump of clay. We also provide pennies to float through the air, and even dreadlocked hair psychics for the spirit to possess and make out with. We try to really provide the full Swayze experience here.”
Penny Scene In Ghost
Ghosts Make Bad Wives
As great as this all sounds, there have been problems with this business that Shannon Scott did not want to discuss. One of his clients is less than happy with his undead bride. Corey Moore, from the wildly popular Corey Moore show, expressed his discontent with his phantom match:
“I’m not a happy camper; once we moved in together, she immediately started leaving the house at night. Mary just started staying out later and later. It’s gotten so bad she dosn’t even leave me bloody notes on the wall saying she was going out anymore. I just know she is cheating on me; she won’t stop visiting that Mexican bodybuilder next door. She swears she’s just going over there to haunt him, but I know there is more going on. I actually set up a hidden camera to catch them in the act, but all I keep getting is pictures of a damn orbs.”
Another host on the Corey Moore Show also complained about the quality of his bride. Brian Hagen shook his fist as he complained,
“My bride Lizzie is a real handful; all she ever wants to talk about is axes and murdering my parents. It’s getting really old, plus she keeps putting her damn icy feet all over me when we spoon. Oh, and let me tell you how terrible Lizzy is at making sandwiches.
Although I love her, it’s hard being called ‘Banshee Banger’ by all the kids that hang out in Mr. Finley’s deli. I don’t even bother asking her if she went out and looked for a job anymore. All she does is sit around and moan while she watches Lifetime movies. I definitely want the ten dollars back I spent acquiring this worthless bride.”
Women's Groups Are Mad
Even with its pitfalls and tricky divorce laws, this trend shows no signs of slowing down. Lonely and socially awkward men from all over the world are now considering never dating a living girl again. Some women’s groups have complained that their chances of finding a man are already astronomically thin, and this move will put a nail in the coffin.
Amanda Salem with “Love the Living” explained: “Dating a man is basically like babysitting a chimp playing with an iPad. Please don’t make it any worse and take more men off the market. Even though everyone knows dating men is like poking rusty skewers under our fingernails, we just can’t be alone. Basically I would even cuddle one of those stinky swamp guys from those alligator hunting shows because I’m co-dependant and need a man, dammit.”