Daily Weird #44 Man tries to rob a bank with a plunger. Brilliant.
If you stick up a bank with a plunger, make sure it's a USED plunger
When all else fails....take the plunge-r
Lawrence Deptola , 49, of New York, recently had a brilliant idea. He wanted to rob a bank. That was stupid. The brilliant part came with how he wanted to rob a bank.
Guns kill people. Lawrence knew that. He was from New York for God’s sake. Lawrence didn't want to kill people, he just wanted to rob a bank. He thought and he thought and he began talking to himself in the process... I can almost imagine how this went....
“Hmm, guns don’t kill people, people kill people. That’s not true. I think it's the bullets. If the people didn’t have bullets in their guns, if they had, say, marshmallows, the odds of the people they shot with marshmallows dying would be pretty slim.” (Lawrence often talks to himself. Did I mention that while he may be brilliant, he's also mentally unstable.) “Now, I don’t have any marshmallows, and even if I did, I don’t think I could scare anyone with them, at least not enough to give me money. Some people have marshmallow phobias, but the odds of a bank teller having it are fairly slim.”
“I wonder what would be scary enough to cause a bank teller to give me money, but wouldn't be deadly should something go wrong.” (This was an important question since talking to himself on this deep a level practically assured failure.)
Much consideration, and 144 tacos later, he found his answer. The tacos were because Lawrence eats when he gets nervous. Unfortunately he has irritable bowel syndrome, so they weren’t his best idea. They sent him running to the bathroom several times an hour for 16 hours. On his last trip, when the toilet clogged due to overuse… he found his answer.
“Wow!” thought Lawrence, “this toilet is really clogged. This is disgusting. I’m plunging it but all that’s happening is I’m getting toilet paper and pieces of taco waste stuck to this plunger. This is the most disgusting…..OMG!!!”
That’s right. The only thing scarier than a gun to your face is a freshly used plunger to your face. Brilliant.
Lawerence, of course, got caught. He was charged with third degree burglary. His lawyer is currently working on get the charges dropped to "loitering with intent to plunge."
Another brilliant mind behind bars. What a waste.
As always, this Daily Weird is loosely based on cold, hard facts. You can find the facts by clicking on a link below.
- UPD: Man attempted to rob three banks with a toilet plunger | NBC-WKTV News Channel 2 - Utica News,
- Man with plunger tries to rob New York bank, police say | Fox News
Police said a 49-year-old man tried to rob a central New York bank armed with a toilet plunger.
- Man attempts bank robbery with toilet plunger, police say - Crimesider - CBS News
Police say Lawrence Deptola went into a bank Thursday afternoon and threatened a teller with the plunger, yelling obscenities and demanding money Read more by Crimesider Staff on CBS News' Crimesider.