ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Daily Weird #44 Man tries to rob a bank with a plunger. Brilliant.

Updated on April 20, 2012

If you stick up a bank with a plunger, make sure it's a USED plunger

Your money or your face in this plunger
Your money or your face in this plunger | Source

When all else fails....take the plunge-r

Lawrence Deptola , 49, of New York, recently had a brilliant idea. He wanted to rob a bank. That was stupid. The brilliant part came with how he wanted to rob a bank.

Guns kill people. Lawrence knew that. He was from New York for God’s sake. Lawrence didn't want to kill people, he just wanted to rob a bank. He thought and he thought and he began talking to himself in the process... I can almost imagine how this went....

“Hmm, guns don’t kill people, people kill people. That’s not true. I think it's the bullets. If the people didn’t have bullets in their guns, if they had, say, marshmallows, the odds of the people they shot with marshmallows dying would be pretty slim.” (Lawrence often talks to himself. Did I mention that while he may be brilliant, he's also mentally unstable.) “Now, I don’t have any marshmallows, and even if I did, I don’t think I could scare anyone with them, at least not enough to give me money. Some people have marshmallow phobias, but the odds of a bank teller having it are fairly slim.”

“I wonder what would be scary enough to cause a bank teller to give me money, but wouldn't be deadly should something go wrong.” (This was an important question since talking to himself on this deep a level practically assured failure.)

Much consideration, and 144 tacos later, he found his answer. The tacos were because Lawrence eats when he gets nervous. Unfortunately he has irritable bowel syndrome, so they weren’t his best idea. They sent him running to the bathroom several times an hour for 16 hours. On his last trip, when the toilet clogged due to overuse… he found his answer.

“Wow!” thought Lawrence, “this toilet is really clogged. This is disgusting. I’m plunging it but all that’s happening is I’m getting toilet paper and pieces of taco waste stuck to this plunger. This is the most disgusting…..OMG!!!”

That’s right. The only thing scarier than a gun to your face is a freshly used plunger to your face. Brilliant.

Lawerence, of course, got caught. He was charged with third degree burglary. His lawyer is currently working on get the charges dropped to "loitering with intent to plunge."


Another brilliant mind behind bars. What a waste.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      Austin, ... so, how was it? I'm waiting for the deep fried taco dipped in chocolate...

      Deborah... it's nice to meet you too, thank you for sharing. The world loves those who share. :)

      coffeegginmyrice... you really should be nuttycoffeegginmyrice, it would be more fitting. I enjoyed your comment, esp. the visual of the taco-wacko plunger on your nose while you ran away! Thank you for stopping by and sharing.

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 

      6 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      YEW!!! But, it's not a waste of humour here. I was cracking up! I enjoyed every bit of taco, I mean laughter in this hub. Oh my, I'd die if my face is sucked up by that "taco-wacko" plunger! If money wasn't enough, he can take me too than having that gross red rubber up to my nose...then, I'll run away!

      I enjoyed this story so much that I'm sharing it; perhaps then those bank robbers out there will get the idea and more lives will be spared.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      6 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Now that is so funny.. lol.. I love this hub.. Nice to meet you..

      I want to share this

      Debbie

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 

      6 years ago from Somewhere near the center of Texas

      And Taco Bell has a NEW taco made with a Doritos shell!!! Whoa, can't wait to try that one.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      Yes, I, too, had an insatiable desire for tacos after reading this. Tacos and a yearning to plunge.

    • profile image

      iamaudraleigh 

      6 years ago

      LOL...great hub that made my day! I think I could eat a taco now...lol!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      Nice to see you, arb. Most things hatched from tacos contain a healthy risk factor. :)

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      She? I love it when a woman takes initiative!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      And yet, how brilliant. I hope he takes advantage of the schooling in jail. I'm thinking... electrician?

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      Housewife, as usual, you nailed the problem right on the head. Being touched by a stranger's plunger-crap is WAY different than being touched by family plunger-crap. This is something people should keep in mind when they go to rob a place. Robbing your family business with family plunger-crap will probably not work.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      I'm actually wanted in 14 states. I was going to do like the Taliban guy, but now that I read your perspective on it, I'm considering changing my mind.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      I second that nomination and move to crown him plunger of the decade as well.

    • arb profile image

      arb 

      6 years ago from oregon

      plunging into a life of crime comes with inherent risk. Obviously,so do plans hatched from tacos.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 

      6 years ago

      I had a neighbor once who robbed a bank with a toy gun. Needless to say she's not my neighbor anymore!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      6 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Lawrence obviously has a loose screw! This was a funny, very entertaining hub. Voted up!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Sue! Woo hoo! You are back and in rare form my friend! Lol.

      I so missed weird news:) what a brilliant dumb guy, eh? I really would not want to be touched with a plunger at all! Especially a strangers plunger! Ew! I would have given him the money for sure!

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 

      6 years ago from California Gold Country

      This is pretty dumb, though an industrial strength plunger can be pretty intimidating-- but did you hear about that Taliban guy who found a wanted poster for him (Really--in the news tonight)-- he wanted the $100 reward. When asked if he was the man in the photo he answered emphatically "yes!" and wanted his reward. The captured him.

      I think they need to put more wanted posters up. Who knew it could be this easy?

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      Lawrence may not be the brightest bulb in the fixture, but he certainly was creative. I nominate him for Dim Bulb of the Year.

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      Susan:

      Thank you my talented friend! It's nice to be remembered!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      6 years ago from Indiana

      Theophanes:

      Sharpie to the neck, stinky plunger to the face... you've got to love NY. What's next, muggers with fake vomit?

      Susan: Thank you so much! It's so nice to be remembered!

      prairieprincess:

      Love, love, LOVE it when people share. Not germs. Germs are not good to share, but stories... oh yeah. Thank you!

      JamaGenee:

      your grammar is beyond description... your description is beyond mind blowing! I actuall said, "EWWWW" out loud! :)

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 

      6 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      Ah, Lawrence...how stoopid. Ya shoulda used a plunger made specifically for toilets...the kind with the extra extension in the "cup". Now THOSE are truly scary because when a bank teller looks at the (used) business end, he/she'll imagine what lurks inside that could mean days on his/her own toilet if the robber shoved it into his/her face.

      Great hub! Voted up and funnnnny! ;D

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 

      6 years ago from Canada

      Ha ha! Yes, this is pretty weird, alright! Plungers are kind of scary, but I had never thought of robbing a bank with one. Great hub and I am going to share this!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      LOL .... Welcome back Sue!

    • Theophanes profile image

      Theophanes Avery 

      6 years ago from New England

      That's even better than the snake robberies, almost as good as holding up a NYC cabbie with a Sharpie held to their neck. Funny.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)