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Michael Jackson And Elvis Have Left The Building

Updated on August 14, 2009


Michael Jackson and Elvis are both dead. That’s right, they are no longer among us living folk so while I appreciate their music and think they were both swell, they’re dead people, move on. I can’t watch one more supposed “entertainment” show going on and on about the two of them and how they’re connected by Lisa Marie. Ugh. Enough all ready. Michael Jackson and Elvis have left the building – Don’t Get Me Started!

What is that mysterious painting above Michael Jackson’s temporary crypt? What did his doctor know and not know? Why did Elvis like fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches? Why do any of us care? I get it, they were famous but they’re dead so please spare me the six hour mini-series of you re-creating their lives and what could, should or may have happened. Don’t spend hours and hours on the “entertainment” shows going over every single insignificant piece of their lives and the people around them as if everything and every moment of every one of their days and the days of the hanger-oners they had around them is so important. I don’t care that the doctor who drugged Michael Jackson owed child support or who the mother was of his “love child.” If he gave Jackson medicine he shouldn’t have then put him out of business and put him in prison and let’s move on, shall we?

It has gotten so ridiculous that now I hear that Sony is going to put a movie out in theaters of the Michael Jackson rehearsals with parts of it in 3-D. Entertainment Tonight actually used technology to show us what it “might” look like by superimposing Michael Jackson sort of zooming out in front of letters that said, “3-D.” Wow, Entertainment Tonight, I would have had no idea what that looked like if you hadn’t shown me and I do hope an overpaid graphic designer was paid millions for it because the cutting and pasting was impeccable.

And while we’re talking about things I don’t care about regarding the recent death of Jackson, his siblings need to just stop it too. I can’t watch one more incoherent interview with Jermaine Jackson (is this really the best that whole family could do for a spokesperson?) on Larry King with his eight zillion bracelets jingling and jangling in the breeze not answering any questions but continually repeating that Michael Jackson was the most important person in the world. It’s begun to feel like a new Jackson religion. They all worship him so much that they may as well get it over with and open the Church of Latter Day Michaels. Meanwhile, turns out that supposedly Jermaine had some choice words to say about his brother prior to his death in a “tell-all” book. But guess what? I don’t care about that either. I don’t care about LaToya Jackson finding a way to be on camera again because now she just looks like one of those dolls that are made from dried apples for the heads.

I get that Michael Jackson idolized Elvis (a lot of people did) because Elvis was in the same industry as Michael Jackson and was a trailblazer too but please don’t tell me that he was trying to get to Elvis by fucking Lisa Marie. First of all I have real doubts that they ever slept together and if they did I think that even in his drug induced state Michael Jackson had to have known that Elvis was dead and not hiding in his daughter’s vagina, right?

I get it. We all like to look at people and idolize them and think that we could be their friends or that perhaps someday we can be as famous or as rich as them. That’s also the reason that we love to tear them down as quickly as we build them up. Even though we put on a façade of being eternally devastated by the loss of an icon, we really love that Elvis was a drug addict who ended his life on a toilet. It makes him seem not so much better than us and we revel in that, don’t we?

There are plenty of celebrities that are no longer with us whom I would love to have met. There are a ton of performers who are dead that I listen to their music, watch their movies, etc., etc. But when they’re dead I think we all need to just back away from all the curiosity that supposedly killed the cat and let them rest in peace. Will I miss hearing of Michael Jackson’s latest antics? Sure. Will I miss hearing how he’s the King Of Pop but has financial difficulties to make me feel better about my own financial situation, sure. But I also believe in letting sleeping dogs and celebrities lie. Why can’t the media do the same? Michael Jackson and Elvis have left the building – Don’t Get Me Started!

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