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Outfits Only a Runway Model Would Wear

Updated on April 06, 2011

Introducing...The Eyesore Collection

The only reason I have ever picked up a fashion magazine is to laugh at the ridiculous runway outfits that somebody somewhere makes big bucks to claim this monstrosity of an outfit to be in style. I know I don't live in a fashionable or trend-setting area, like New York or L.A perhaps, but I do live in a place called reality where common sense and eyesight rule. It must be, seriously (and humorously), the biggest mystery to me where and who and what are wearing these outfits. If anyone can tell me, then I might be able to sleep at night.

This first outfit in dazzling yellow puts me in hysterics, but mostly with the endless Big Bird jokes it makes me think of: Bid Bird's love slave, Big Bird's love child, Big Bird sneezed, Big Bird lost 200 lbs on the Jenny Craig program and became a runway model, Big Bird called and he's looking for his feathers, Big Bird got a haircut and donated it to the Feed-a-model- foundation. OK I'm done, but just try to I bet you can come up with some good ones too.

Get dressed or get taped

Is it an evening gown? Is it a bathing suit? Is it a cocktail dress? Is it lingerie? No, it's tape. This is just silly- no wonder the model is wearing over-sized sunglasses, in hopes of not being recognized. That's one shred of dignity she'll never get back. And what is she wearing around her neck? Is it a horseshoe? Is it a hubcap? Oh...I give up! Hmm...did they warn us not to try this at home cause I have some duct tape.

Skin tight scary

In the words of Paris Hilton- "That's Hot". Not! This outfit gives the 80's a bad rep. I think spandex looked much better back then. And who would be silly enough to wear spandex without leg warmers? Somehow this outfit doesn't work. Maybe it's the color, but something just isn't right about it.

Trashy outfit

Whenever I want to look and feel my best, I put on a...garbage sack?! And a straw hat of course. Well I hope it's a good solid Hefty brand bag at least, because I'm sure the designer is charging an arm and a leg for this...ugh I really don't want to call it an outfit, but whatever it is. This reminds me of a homework assignment turned in at the last minute. I give credit to designers for being creative, but this was a last minute pull together from the trash. There was no creativity or thought process involved. The joke is on us if we claim this is artistic.

So if garbage sacks are for wearing, what am I supposed to put my garbage in? I'm confused!

I thought shoulder pads went out in the 80's

Steal the show at the next funeral with this ensemble. It's daringly stylish and will put everyone in the mood for mourning. Make sure you can clear the doorways though, with the over-sized shoulder pads- borrowed from a football uniform it seems.

Beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice

Final frontier here I come, after I make a stop at the funny farm for having witnessed this space age disaster. I'm definitely not interested in space travel if this is the new trend. Although, it looks as though the designer's intentions were an animal print theme, but got their inspiration from a colorful cockroach.

Space Cowboy

I just couldn't leave the guys out so here's one that will have you jumping out of your seat, asking where can you get it. It is the perfect outfit for lounging around the house, watching football on a leisurely Sunday afternoon. It'll have all the guys talking, because they're jealous of course. In fact, when you're done watching football, you could go play football in this outfit- it's so versatile.

Business Casual

Does this classify as business casual? Guys, you can go to work geek, visit the office shredder, and leave work looking chic. I'd be tempted to play some practical office jokes on this guy, like tying some of those pieces to his chair before he gets up. Then again, the joke's on him really.

Rainy Day Outfit

And finally, a practical outfit. This is much better than those other ridiculous outfits- at least it serves a purpose. Being from the Northwest, we get our fair share of rain and I could really use a skirt like this one. This is an outfit that makes sense to me, although I'll make sure to wear my good underwear beneath it- apparently it's see through, just a minor detail though. Overall, the designer really had their thinking cap on with this one. I'm not sure why this isn't more popular in my neck of the woods.

What do clowns and cd cases have in common?

I saved the worst for last and I'm actually speechless. I can't come up with a single joke for this outfit- it is the joke! I have seen drunk clowns with a better sense of fashion than this. Not to mention the model looks pissed she has to wear this.

Thank you for letting me get that out of my system. I can't stand runway fashion, even the less extremes drive me nuts because I've truly never seen those outfits on any normal person (or any psychotic person for that matter) in public so what is the purpose. I may never get it, but at least I have hub pages to vent.

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    • christine almaraz profile image

      christine almaraz 8 years ago from colorado springs

      The one where it looks like she's wearing a bandage over her boobs is funny. The one that looks like an Oscar is horrible too. I just showed the pics to my husband and he can't stop laughing. Great hub. Bad fashion. Who comes up with this stuff?!

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 8 years ago from Neverland

      I love this hub, its so funny. Is it just me or does the background of the shredded suit guy look like a public bathroom?

    • RGraf profile image

      Rebecca Graf 8 years ago from Wisconsin

      This is great for a laugh. I just don't get it. and they such big bucks. I have to know who actually buys this stuff.

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Oy. If this was Project Runway they'd all be "Out." For some reason, the men's "fashions" (and I use the term lightly) are more puzzling and offensive than the women's. Thanks for the laugh. Off the rack is just fine for me, thanks!

    • rockinjoe profile image

      Joseph Addams 8 years ago from Standing right behind you!

      That's hysterical. I can just imagine what some of these "designer outfits" would go for.

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      THanks for all the comments! For all of you who question who would buy these or design them, it will always be a mystery. If you think about it though, there must be a market for them because designers keep making them and these hideous excuses for outfits continue showing up on runways by the truckloads. I don't have the answer for you folks, but I'm glad I could unnerve a few of you, give you a laugh, and disturb your sleep a little.

    • dayzeebee profile image

      dayzeebee 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Thanks for the laugh and for expressing thoughts that we never verbalized.LOL. Enjoyed your take on them. Happy holidays:)

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Thank you dayzeebee. Glad I could give you a chuckle. You didn't know "fashion" could be so entertaining or downright comical?

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      I just had to take another look at these to make sure I didn't miss anything. Sure enough, I noticed that the model with the black duct tape over her boobs is wearing something around her neck that appears to be a stove burner liner painted black. Can this be possible? Well, I guess in fashion, anything is possible.

      I do hope you'll repeat this hub when the new Spring collections come out! MM

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      THat may be one fashion mystery solved- good guess MM on the "necklace" worn by the black tape model. I would love to be (or maybe not) in the minds of these designers when inspiration strikes them. I take a look at this hub sometimes and notice something different every time. I noticed the last outfit looks like the skirt is made of CD sleeves.

    • Tom Rubenoff profile image

      Tom Rubenoff 8 years ago from United States

      Tres bizarre! Wonderful hub!

    • tourmaline2777 profile image

      tourmaline2777 8 years ago from Chicago

      This is funny! The guys definitely take the cake! Gotta love fashion! The guy in the pink undies looks a lil bit like Johnny Depp.

    • Coolbreezing profile image

      James Dubreze 7 years ago from New York, New York

      You right - they make me laugh too but not all of them are like that. You only picked the funny looking ones.

    • lauralolita profile image

      lauralolita 6 years ago from Florida

      Honestly, no one should be wearing that garbage bag number! Yuck!

    • angela_michelle profile image

      Angela Michelle Schultz 6 years ago from United States

      LOL, Great photos. Haha!!!

    • JohnH2 profile image

      JohnH2 6 years ago from Rockwall, TX

      Another thought - Are all the models who allegedly model women's clothes actually women? There are some male models who specialize in modeling women's clothes.

      It is no wonder that men's clothes are so lacking in imagination - what normal man would want to wear most of the get-ups that these fashion designers dream up? I would not want to do so, and I am a man who wears skirts in a masculine context regularly.

    • ChristineVianello profile image

      ChristineVianello 6 years ago from Philadelphia

      hahah ! hmmm... I like the trash bag look.

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 6 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Christine~ thanks for the comment! The trash bag is one of my favorites too.

    • profile image

      Marzime 5 years ago

      Runway shows are more for entertainment purposes in my eyes. I LOVE how they tell a story. I rarely see people actually wearing many of the collections unless I am in NYC hehe --always an adventure there. Great hub!

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 5 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Marzime~ runway shows are certainly entertaining. I think maybe Lady Gaga follows their fahsion ideas. I could see coming across some in NYC. Thanks for the comment

    • Sun-Girl profile image

      Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

      Great hub with attractive and beautiful pics.

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 5 years ago from The Great Northwest

      THanks Sun-Girl!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ....well I can see why and how you have gained over a million plus followers - you are the quintessential hubber and each hub (that I've seen/read) radiates with your amazing personality and writing skills - which makes you just one 'hubawesome' individual - and I appreciate the 'labor of love' that you put into it - and of course your diversity in subject matter is second to none - with your readers being entertained, educated and enlightened!

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 5 years ago from The Great Northwest

      epigramman~ your words mean a lot to me as you are a respected hubber too. I admit I needed to see your positive comment because I have been in a hubbing slump lately. Thanks again...

    • profile image

      Charles Colin 4 years ago

      Hello. This is a very hilarious post. Never failed to make me chuckle silently. A

      nyway, I just like to share about what I know in the fashion Industry. These trashy outfits are all 'pegs' or 'patterns', where the CUT, COLOR and STYLE is the main criteria.

      Let's choose, for example, the 5th photo. Its quite huge when it comes to shoulder size, but if designers were to make a dress out of it, its gonna be a little black dress but with a popping shoulder and some dangling detail.

      Again, this is just an imagination, or a pattern. Ofcourse, no one would wear that. But 3 elements should be taken out from each of the outfits.

      THE CUT. THE COLOR. THE STYLE/DETAILS.

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 4 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Charles Colin~ Well that helps me understand a little. I have to admit where I fall short is where I usually try to make humor of it- I am no fashionista for sure. Thanks for addding to the conversation...and helping understand. I get it when you put it that way.

    • Efficient Admin profile image

      Efficient Admin 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Yes this is an excellent list of absolutely hideous outfits that nobody would wear. Hey everyone -- if you are ever stumped about what you want to be at that next Halloween party -- dress up as a runway model!! There are some excellent costumes in this Hub to choose from. That would surely be different LOL! Thanks for sharing. This is a unique subject, and voted up.

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 3 years ago from The Great Northwest

      EA,

      Halloween is perfect!!

    • Michal jackson profile image

      Michal jackson 3 years ago from Chicago

      This hub is very funny..especially space cowboy.

    • izettl profile image
      Author

      Laura Irwin 3 years ago from The Great Northwest

      THanks for stopping by!

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