Mafia and Hollywood: How DiCaprio Won an Oscar.
Buster Without Digital Makeup
In the film "The Revenant" we have the perfect accidental comedy in the form of Leonardo DiCaprio, who has no real life experience, trying to act the part of an ersatz Indian scout for a group of fur trappers. Just saying that raises a grin.
This review savages his performance hopefully like a bear in the woods.
Indigenous Helping Hand Please.
When I heard about this film I thought I should give him one more chance after his abject failure in the "Great Gatsby": again a film about someone who has suffered in his life. Why did I give it a chance? I read that DiCaprio had proclaimed his support for the Indigenous inhabitants of America. This it turns out was his desperate bid to get publicity and to justify "the embarrassment" that the film truly is. The film's gratuitous rape scene seals that accusation as it both exploits an awful historical stereotype, and prostitutes historical tragedy for a cheap thrill.
In Stitches, Lots of them.
The suffering undergone by the movie's hero becomes more and more hysterically funny as the movie progresses. The miscasting of the effeminate DiCaprio as an outdoors-man adds to the humor. This unlikely plot (based on a really tall tale) takes every conceivable exaggerated turn starting from a ferocious bear attack, enormous blood loss, a quick bit of frontier wound stitching, sleeping every night in sub zero temperatures, being immersed in freezing rapids, gently floating mostly submerged down a peaceful zero temperature river, lighting fires with no apparent dry tinder, suffering asthma attacks and fevers, escaping flying arrows and finally hurtling over a cliff into the gentle arms of a pine tree. All without busting stitches allegedly performed on open wounds serious enough to kill someone.
Not only this, nearly all the characters associated with DiCaprio die: his co workers, his son, his wife, the bear, an Indian helper and finally (apparently) those who left him for dead. He is a walking pratfall and jinx of mythic proportions.
His nemesis, played by Tom Hardy, acted brilliantly. Especially when piling a bit of dirt onto DiCaprio before leaving him for dead. He was burying a jinx and he knew it.
The litany of phoney injuries and lack of reality is clear to modern audiences who have watched TV shows with Bear Grylls clearly demonstarting that survival from freezing waters, for example, needs urgent attention within a matter of minutes before a person would perish.
The only reference to Bear Grylls in this film is grilled bear meat served piping hot.
The Pine Tree Fall.
After the fall into the pine tree (over a cliff !) I had to leave the cinema as the plot by that time had become too ridiculous to continue any further viewing. I was ready to murmur sweet nothings in the cinema and I didn't want to spoil the moment for the many female and male fans who came there solely to see DiCaprio's womanly face.
Our Worst Fears About Leonardo Proved Correct.
All my worst fears about DiCaprio were confirmed. He certainly can't act and chooses roles with the same ineptitude as a Walter Mitty. These roles only reveal what DiCaprio thinks of himself more than anything else, and what an utter illusion that is. How his over blown opinion of himself is worn so thoroughly on his sleeve is not a real legacy a serious actor should leave behind. If there is anyone on the planet who has never suffered or never been injured or even spent a night away from a mansion, yacht or hotel room it is certainly DiCaprio. This shows in his every nuance and expression which always look like someone who thinks "pretending" is acting and that "nobody will notice" if he just keeps going. Nuances such as DiCaprio rugged up in the bear skin that was killed attacking him (of course) and his role of "father to an Indian" who looks older than him, continually dam up into a genuinely hilarious film. DiCaprio is not a father figure, that idea is ludicrous, and he has no gravitas or physical stamina.
A Possible Comedy Award.
If Will Ferrell was chosen for this role it would have been a huge comedy hit full of three stooges pratfalls, farcical attempts to pretend to be an Indian, comic escapes from endless dilemmas and silent punchlines re: continually getting up after a multitude of open wound stitches would have busted dozens of times over. However because Leonardo was chosen we are supposed to magically take it seriously.
If DiCaprio has any Indian blood in his ancestry then I must be a spoiled Italian Godfather's kid who never worked a day in his life. Any awards he collects for this film gone wrong will be a litmus test for how entrenched bribery and pay offs have become. This man has the gall to insinuate he should have received an Oscar in the past through a sense of self entitlement that reaches to the Stars. I predict he will boycott the next Academy Awards. Probably along with Tom Cruise.