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Movie Review: Fifty Shades of Black

Updated on February 13, 2016

Yes this is happening

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Take a Look

What's it like in the beginning

In all honesty, when I first saw the trailer my head was wondering why I would personally go want to see this. It reminded me of all the other over-dramatic spoof movies that revolve around multiple jokes that one of your friends tell you, that in a way, gets old really fast. So, I came prepared with a bag of chips and a water to keep me awake if all the jokes didn't just hit my funny bone.

The introduction of this movie looked pretty normal so I came to have high hopes of this, however, just as fast as I'm able to swallow a chip down came in the old stereotypical hide all you're stuff from the black man. Now, I'm being down on this because of the slightly racism that's being used here, but it's the sheer fact that it's not being put to good use. I mean come on, in the introduction itself I'm reminded three times that all black people do it steal and I didn't find that funny in any sense. It's like someone walking up to you and just yelling out " I am a fish and we have rights too," in the middle of public. Leaving you with a " what just happened " face when you witness something that made a statement, but in no way made sense to you.

Typically, by this point, you can just imagine me cringing or chugging down that water bottle hoping it gets better. You know which character I truly ended up hating at the beginning, that dang secretary, oh but no worries. You somehow only see her at the beginning giving Hannah very useless key information about Christian and then disapearing off the face of the earth unless you call blurred out movement in the background of multiple workers, that all look alike to be matter-of-factly, as an appearance.

You're Kidding Right?

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Is There a Purpose?

I'm not quite sure there is a whole point to this, even the plot seems to be a mixture of old jokes that aren't funny any more like " Break the Internet." Or even Donald Trump jokes, which I was able to recognize because they do mention his name in the joke. These jokes keep getting repeated all varying from dick jokes, fart jokes, blue balls, stinky vagina jokes, and others I just lost interest into adding it into the page. Can you imagine someone walking to you tell you a joke and yeah you laugh because it is funny at that time, but they keep telling you the same joke in different perspective that you just sit there going in your head " Shhhh, shut the hell up."

How about that one best friend that Hannah has and I don't mean the one that is trying to sleep with her, heck he even tried to drug her at one point. I'm clearly talking about the one that tries to act like a hood rat- so much to a point, I actually believed she was dropped as a child landing on cement floor head first. Some people might find this funny and I admit I did find it funny at first too, but after that I couldn't even bear to watch any more of it. It became bland, no new fresh ideas and I found my own reflection being more entertaining than this. In a sense, the plot is like a bad mixture of dirty and perverted home movies one might find in the bottom of a basement. Including that half of the scene transitions don't even correspond with one another and that is just utterly awful. Moral of this story is there is no purpose and if you go out on a treasure hunt trying to find it, I might actually never see you again...ever.

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You Crack Me Up

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Is it Worth it?

I only like one person in this entire movie and that's Hannah because for one, she beats the life out of Christian and that's always fun to see. Either than that the acting is pretty much bland like Belle from Twilight, but she actually smiles making it a big difference. Ironically, her character is the only thing that says logical things from time to time, unlike the character Christian Black. Some of the antics that this movie went through weren't that funny to me and actually made me want to go to sleep during the hour long movie. Yes you heard me, this is basically an hour long of replaying vine videos.

Overall, on my scale of 1/10, one being " My Eyes " and ten being " Magnificent work " I rate this a solid 2/10.

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