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My Irrational Fears

Updated on March 15, 2016

Sea Monsters

✓ Okay may seem totally out there, but stay away from the water because these things are real! I mean, Scientists have discovered giant squid, and well, I'd say that is a sea monster. If I saw a giant squid if nobody ever had before, I'd be yelling sea monster and readying the harpoon (assuming I had a boat with a harpoon...well I probably would because I prepare myself for everything in life). I mean, if you were out on the ocean a couple hundred years ago and never saw a whale or heard of a whale, you would call it a sea monster right? We see something big and scary in the water, and we give it a name. As soon as it has a name, we can't call it a sea monster anymore. So I guess instead of saying I am afraid of sea monsters, I sound less ridiculous if I say that I am afraid of large aquatic creatures that have not been named yet. Who knows what is really in the bottom of the ocean that we can't get to?

Ghost Pirates

✓ Since I started out on the subject of water, I should probably continue it by moving on to ghost pirates. Houses can be haunted, but couldn't large bodies of water be

haunted by all the people who died? hmm?

Not sending a cell phone chain forward thingy and having something horrible happen to me because of it

✓ You know those "please send this on if you believe in Jesus or he will crawl out from under your bed at night and murder you" messages? I have to send stuff like that no

matter how ridiculous they are. Then I have to go through my phone and pick out the people who wont judge me for sending a Jesus will murder you forward, and finding 10 of those is hard.

Cult luring me in

✓ Hey I'm young and gullible it could happen. I really like going to parties too. I'd just have to remember not to drink anything that anybody offers me. These people take spiking the punch bowl to a whole new level.


✓ There are sooo many stories about werewolves. If I'm driving through the country in the middle of the night and it's a full moon, I'm going to be stressed about werewolves I mean come on. Big animals attack people all the time. I'm sure if you were somebody that turned into one of those animals, you'd probably try to keep it a secret.

A muderer randomly choosing to kill me

✓ So let's say there is some creepy murderer guy that gets bored and sits there with his laptop and says "Okay I'm going to close my eyes, and next facebook profile I pick, I'm going to totally kill this person in a terrible way." and he ends up clicking on mine? It could totally happen. The whole "next person that smiles at me" or "next person

that walks out of that gas station is dead" kind of thing happens all the time right?

Being Stuck to A Toilet Seat

✓ Hey it's happened! Public bathrooms are risky and should only be used by those brave enough to suffer the consequences.


✓ There have been stories about vampires for years and years, and there have got to be some real ones out there since we keep on talking about them.

My teeth falling out

✓ Hey I really like my teeth. I've had a few nightmares about that. In these dreams I lose them one at a time, and keep trying to hide it because it looks bad, but they keep

falling out. Terrible dreams these are.


✓ I live in a small town in Illinois surrounded by cows and people that say "yall" in every other sentence, and nobody would believe a word I say. I'm a perfect candidate for

alien abductions.

Being kidnapped by a taxi driver

✓ Speaking of living in a small town, I never use taxis, and probably never will by myself. I mean, our parents tell us to never get in a car with a stranger and we pay to do it. I can just see myself telling the guy where to go, and the doors locking and getting a big old creeper smile from the guy behind the wheel.


✓ Who knew something so cute could be so deadly? They are ranked one of the most dangerous animals in the world actually. Look it up people.

Getting some kind of illness from canned food

✓We all hear about somebody who is in a coma from being so unlucky they got the one can of bad food off the shelf at Walmart. I am one of the very unlucky people who will probably do this.

Some Kind of creature attacking me when I walk out to my car at night

✓ I don't know what it is, but if I'm alone walking to my car in the middle of the night, I'm going to look around all panicked, and quickly go from a calm walk to a ridiculously terrified run even though nothing has happened to me.

Sleepwalking and doing something really embarrassing

✓ Yes I sleepwalk. I live alone too, so nobody is there to stop me from walking out of my apartment in some embarrassing pjs and doing something dumb.

Going to jail when I'm innocent

✓ Whether I'm being framed for a murder, or if I'm just the unlucky person who looks like a wanted criminal, I could spend years in prison for no reason. Happens allll the time. Especially since we are trying to use technology to catch the bad guys, we probably misuse a lot of it.


✓I try to be a good person. I do, but sometimes things happen that I don't expect or I have a bad day. One day I was driving and I hit a turtle, so I expected karma to really get me good that day. Turned out to be a terrible day. It's all about balance.

Winning a million dollars and quitting my job and telling everyone I know to eff off, then someone realizes they made a mistake and I won nothing.

✓ Not much I can say about this. As funny as it would be, I'm hoping this never happens to me. I'd take the million though.


✓ Yeah duh I'm afraid of zombies.


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