ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

My Pre-Season Thoughts on Jake the Bachelor

Updated on January 4, 2010

Didja Know He's a Pilot?

We all remember Jake as the above-average looking pilot who swooned and cried over Jillian on the last season of The Bachelorette.  The "tears on the balcony" scene was the most dramatic thing to happen on a second floor of a building since Romeo and Juliet.  Some may also remember how he kicked right into campaign mode once eliminated by the fair Jillian--dude wanted to be the next bachelor and his dreams came true.  Makes me wonder if he wished upon a star from an upper-deck balcony somewhere, since that's where he performs his greatest work.

Anywho, my initial reaction to this particular bachelor selection was to shout, "SNOOOOOOOOZE!" as loud as humanly possible.  My hopes for an entire season of Reid being quirky and awkward were dashed by this blonde hair, blue-eyed imposter!  Don't get me wrong, Jake's a good lookin' chap, and I'm sure we'll be inundated by plenty of images of him topless--of this, I do not complain.  However, the guy is the biggest goofnugget ever invented.  He seems nice enough, but he's way too vanilla to be at all interesting.  Not to say any of the bachelors have ever been that exciting (Brad was smokin' hot, but he wasn't exactly known for his deep conversations), but give me some personality here!

The good news about Jake being kind of a dud is that the producers probably picked the most ridiculous women (to have escaped the mental institution) to spice up the season.  That's my hope, anyway.  My suspicions have been slightly confirmed by the story alleging that one of the girls was hooking up with someone on the production staff during filming.  Hey, lock up 25 man-hungry ladiez in a house with only one excessively bland suitor and something is bound to go awry.  This is an interesting ratings strategy (staged or not) to garner interest in an aging series.  Everyone involved in reality TV signs all sorts of confidentiality agreements with consequence clauses involving removal of vital organs (or something equivalent, like a fine that no one who is on a reality TV show could ever dream to afford), so ABC releasing the information themselves was the only way to get people buzzing.  That's show biz, folks.

Why release information that makes it seem like your production company can't keep control over their employees?  Because there is no way that Boring Ol' Jakey crying every week is ever going to top the Sensitive-Single-Father-Turns-Into-Two-Timing-Snake fiasco of the previous season.  Thanks, Jason.  Besides, Chris Harrison needs a superlative to overuse this season.  Brad was the "Sexiest Bachelor Ever" and Jason's season had the "Most Dramatic After the  Rose Ceremony Ever."  I can't imagine Chris calling this the "Most Scandalous Season Ever" but it is a guarantee that the episode where the philandering bachelorette is revealed will be the "Most Shocking Ever."  Sigh, I'm already over this scandal.

So just in case I'm wrong about the producers planting some animatedly desperate women who are willing to lie, stab, or cheat their way into the heart of the bachelor (of whom they have no interest), I came up with a drinking game to get me through this season.  The rules are below, feel free to play along--if you're 21 and have no intentions of driving anywhere after watching the show.

The Drinking Game

Take 1 sip of the drink of your choice when any of the following occurs:

-Someone says the word "connection"

-A dismissed bachelorette cries (Take a bonus sip for those who use the words "fairy tale" in their exit interview)

-Jake says "this is one of the hardest decisions of my life"

-Jake is topless

-Rollicking hot tub scenes

-Chris Harrison uses a superlative to describe the season or an episode like "The Most Dramatic" etc.

-Take 3 sips for every time Jake cries


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)