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Off with them metalheads!

Updated on March 14, 2016

WARNING! Main purpose of the following piece is to broaden minds and crack some smiles.

I like walking in the rain because nobody can see I'm crying.
I like walking in the rain because nobody can see I'm crying.

Have your eyes ever met with unfriendly, hostile facial expressions of the strangers passing in the street because you wore Black Sabbath or AC/DC T-shirt? Have you ever been threatened with holy water or forced into going to church because you had torn Chucks on? Do not worry, you are not lonely in your open worshiping of Satan, many individuals like you share an affinity for the upside-down crosses.

It is utmost crystal clear that metal music does not defy social conformism, is not talking about social injustice, the excessive armament of the Cold War, the poisoning of the environment, the plight of addiction, the radiant sabers, cleansing and genocide of ethnic minorities, freedom of speech and freedom of choice, the religion that has their lambs burned at the stake, among other methods of torture. The genre is most certainly not closing in on despots, dictators and anti-democratic crooks, does not play with social taboos, sweeps them right under the carpet. If you do not talk about a particular topic, it just does not happen, right? Metal is actually all about tits and asses, is full of ''oh baby'' sighs and, in the very forefront, is most focused on the personal affairs of its representatives. Why travel in a cramped bus that you share with another 2, 3 bands on a year long bitter tour in 130 different cities when you can record an ''easy does it'' radio ballad or a cute video for MTV? Varg was burning churches because he was training himself for a firefighter, and not because two pagan kings forcibly imposed Christianity to the Norwegian coast, and thus finished off the Viking era. Metal has not revealed that the protest music can also address the souls of individuals, especially those that society generally left in the lurch.

Black Sabbath is not paying homage to children without fathers and warning about the depravity of the world, Dio did not write anything about a wizard who threatens the whole civilization in his trying of building a stone tower to the stars, Metallica's Fade to Black does not express an opposition to suicide and the ugly face of depression, while Leper Messiah is not at all about false morality and buying a better seat in heaven with them bucks. It is about tits and asses. Sarcasm aside, to make it clear, along with the above mentioned metal icons, there was also a presence of some subprime metal bands like Hollywood products Winger, BFMV or commercial attempts such as WASP's Animal- F ** k Like A Beast, which relied on the shock factor, looking out for easy money.

Ostensible celebration of the devil, which is something pastors often bring about, merely expressed the desire for breaking the social restrictions and making some space for uninhibited fun. Or, in the words of Lalonde from Possessed: "If you believe in all these satanic stuff, you must be stupid!"

It's showtime!
It's showtime!

Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal

In counclussion, metal has blessed our kind with cutlery such as spoons, forks, special forks, knives... But more importantly, it encouraged us to think (how to properly use the above mentioned cutlery). The genre was created just in time, as T. Cruise always has someone stepping in and saving him from 200% sure death in totally realistic circumstances portrayed in Mission Impossible 3. It happened with Paul announcing dissolution of The Beatles and rock and roll icons' Joplin, Hendrix and Morrison passing within a year due to drug overdose, while people sought solace in such an uncertain world. Although often misunderstood and maligned, proclaimed a social problem as it actually warned about the same, it's roar (metal one, not Cruise's) woke up society from a safe lull and sleepiness, replaced pink glasses with a barbed bracelet and freed energy that has been causing flailing hair for the last four decades- either through Judas Priest and Motorhead records, twice as fast Anthrax, even faster Mustaine, pioneering Venom, grunge characterized by lumberjack shirts or the raw, unprocessed Scandinavian black metal. Cheers!

Rebel rebel, you tore your dress!
Rebel rebel, you tore your dress!

Here's to My Sweet Satan: How the Occult Haunted Music, Movies and Pop Culture, 1966-1980


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