ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How To Train Your Human

Updated on January 31, 2011
Cletus::  Professional couch potato
Cletus:: Professional couch potato

How To Train Your Human

Apparently it doesn't take as much for a dog to be content as it does for the human species.

He's sprawled out halfway across the couch, halfway across me chewing on an old shoe. No, it doesn't take much, a full belly, a belly rub ...little things.

In his furry canine-brain the bleak economic forecast, the latest spectacle of celebrity debauchery, the political rancor of the moment; none of these things exist. If ignorance is bliss, he's ecstatic.

We humans seem to be a bit more complicated. On the other hand - or should I say paw - dogs seem to be devoid of whatever psychosis it is that compels us of the bipedal hominid variety to acquire all the things we can, as quickly as we can acquire them.

"Hurry up and go buy the newest product, otherwise it may not become obsolete before you can finish paying for it!" This is the mantra of the Consumers.

It's a peculiar form of dementia that possesses us, that equates happiness or self-worth with possessions. Peculiar, so much so that it seems to define us as well as to perpetuate our inevitable state of un-happiness. All those expensive little electronic gadgets we covet, absolutely of no value to the four-legged species. So if the labrador down the street were to say, win the lottery, don't look for him to rush out and buy a new doghouse just because he can. Categorically speaking, dogs are content to a fault.

Not to say that they are without their quirks. Our current domesticated canine freeloader / occupant is hovering somewhere between Newman and George Costanza on the Seinfeld Scale of Neurosis. When one of his playthings slides up under the couch beyond his reach, he paws at the floor like he's trying to dig a hole in it. Then I have to get up and move the couch back to retreive whatever semi-chewed object he lost. It took me a while at first to catch on but I guess it proves that you can still teach an old human new tricks! Now everytime he starts pawing at the floor, I get up and shove the couch back! Talk about Pavlov! Wait?!! Did my dog just outsmart me in some sort of a reverse-pavlovian experiment on classical conditioning?

I think I've just been played!


Change Your Thinking!

it's a peculiar form of dementia that possesses us, that equates happiness or self-worth with possessions.

Not so smart after all!

It's a battle of wits between me and the dog. One of us is armed with higher intelligence ...the other likes to chew on an old shoe.

I think I just got played!


Mark Twain said, "If heaven were based on merit, your dog would go in, and you would not!"


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Regarding your view of the Ezekial prophecy and the Book of Mormon, it only prevos that the Bible can be interpreted differently, and also given the varying translations of the Bible it's not a surprise you would see it differently. Mormons use the KJV, others use the NIV, NWT, NAB, etc. The details and words used can suggest wildly different meanings to different verses. Also God isn't limited to short time frames within which he can make prophecies.“The fact that other denominations of Christianity broke away does not by any means prove that the Church never had Christ’s authority.”True, but it does question your claim that the Catholic church has “clear” and “unchallenged” authority.“So to use the personal experience as argument of truth only works for the individual.”Yes and aren't we all individuals? The emphasis of Christ's ministry was repeatedly about individuals. Personal experiences like those you've mentioned are usually more valuable than lengthy theological exhortations when it comes to personal conversion. If a religious person doesn't have a personal witness of the Savior and His church, through the Holy Ghost, then what does this person really have besides a belief in someone's else's argument? Paul taught, “..that your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him”. (2 Cor 2:4-5)“PROVE that the authority Jesus gave the Apostles – which you admit – did not pass on after them. You still have not done this.”I've offered you proof, the Book of Mormon, and I hope you'll read it prayerfully someday. It brought me to Christ and provided the light of God in my life. It helped me realize that anything is possible with God because of His love and the gift of his Son. My life has changed dramatically for the better because of it, seems to be increasingly better every day. If there a was a way for me to just hand over the valuable personal witness of the Book of Mormon that I've gotten through the Spirit, I would, although I know it would be much more valuable to you to find it through your own study and prayer.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Yup, that shuold defo do the trick!

    • jimagain profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

      Agreed Leni Sands!! Great observation! Right now Cletus is home sprawled out on the couch, ...meanwhile I'm at work?? Humans do make good pets.

    • jimagain profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

      Hey to Katyzzz! Thanks for the comments! I think Cletus has 'learned me' a few new tricks since the last write. Pavlov had it backwards, the dogs had him trained to bring them food!

    • leni sands profile image

      Leni Sands 

      7 years ago from UK

      I frequently have similar experiences with my cat often wondering what goes on in that clever little head of his, watching working things out before going into action. Now ask yourself this - who rules the house? Who always gets it right (comfort)? Who makes us run around after them? In my case it's the cat! So, who is the pet around here. I am, of course, a human pet at my cats beck and call - day and night!

    • katyzzz profile image


      7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Yep, the dog sure did, I know exactly what you mean, any hub on animals gets me right in. Well done.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)