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Celebrating Orange Is The New Black with Real Prison Recipes!

Updated on August 5, 2015

Awwww, did you binge watch OITNB again in two days? I know, I know. It's a sad feeling. Well, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? How about mixing up some of your favorite characters' favorite recipes? If you're still craving your fix after trying these, the official OITNB cook book is at the bottom of this page. Bon Appetit!

Chang's Orange Chicken Ramen

  • 1 package ramen (discard flavor packet... or save to bribe inmates for worn panties)
  • 1/2 can white chicken (4 ounces)
  • Chedder cheese spread
  • Chili garlic sauce
  • Honey
  • 1 Small orange

Microwave Ramen for two minutes and drain. Stir in chedder cheese spead and small amount of chili garlic sauce. Juice 1 small orange, mix with honey and chicken and stir into ramen.

Gloria's prison tamales

  • 1 bag of corn chips
  • 1 bag hot cheetos (or doritos)
  • hot water
  • hot sauce (to taste)

Crunch up chips as much as possible, and mix together in chip bag. Add just enough water to turn into a thick past, and kneed in bag. Drain excess water, but if done correctly there sure be little to none. Roll bag to form dough into the shape of a tamale. Let cook (sit) for approximately five minutes. Tear open bag, and add hot sauce. mmmm... Muy delicioso!

Prison Pad Thai

  • 1 package ramen
  • 2 Tbs. Frank's hot sauce
  • 2 Tbs. Peanut Butter (Creamy works best)

Cook ramen and leave about 1/4 cup of water at the bottom. Spread peanut butter around in separate bowl. Empty ramen contents into bowl, and top with hot sauce. Mix together.

Crazy eyes' Chocolate and vanilla swirl

  • Water
  • 2 sporkfulls of butter
  • 1 package vanilla wafers (1lb., finely crushed)
  • 6 little debbie oatmeal pies
  • 1/4 can of lemon lime soda (sprite)
  • 2 packages cherry drink mix
  • 2 packets sweetener
  • 2 packets cappuccino mix
  • 2 packets powdered milk
  • 2 melted hershey bars or syrup

Mix butter, water and oatmeal pies in a bowl, adding water until it starts to form a ball of firm dough. Press into bowl or makeshift pie dish and set aside. Whip together Lemon lime soda, cherry drink mix, sweetener, cappuccino mix and powdered milk in separate bowl. You can make a mixer using two spoons, or sporks, in one hand separated by your finger. Whip approximately 3-5 minutes, until firm. Pour into crust and put aside to set. When set, cover with chocolate and enjoy!

Piper's Strawberry Cheesecake

  • 1 package of graham crackers
  • 2 sporkfulls of butter
  • 16 ounces of strawberry squeeze preserves
  • 1 can vanilla ensure
  • 8 packets of sweetener
  • 5 packages lemon drink mix
  • 2 large packages of powdered milk

Crush graham crackers. Melt butter in microwave, and mix with graham cracker crumbs. Press into pie dish or bowl for crust. Set aside. Mix together drink mix and powdered milk. Mix in ensure and sweetener. continue stirring, and let it sit for a minute to thicken. Add to crust, and top with strawberry preserves.

Tasty Caramel Latte's

  • 8 ounces whole milk (in carton)
  • 1 piece of caramel candy
  • 2 tbs instant coffee

Warm whole milk by holding under hot water for 5-10 minutes. Open carton and add coffee and piece of candy. Close the carton back up. Shake up, and drink while hot.

Lorna's behind bars Pizza

  • 1-2 packages ramen (sans flavor packet)
  • 1 package saltine crackers
  • Ketchup
  • Pizza toppings of your choice!

crush up noodles and crackers. Mix in hot water and kneed to form crust. Flatten and shape into pizza. Cover with ketchup as sauce. Add cheese, leftover meat, sardines, or any other commissary goodies or cafeteria contraband.

Poussey's Potent Prison Punch

  • 1 large ziplock bag
  • 10 peeled oranges
  • Tap water
  • 6 packets of ketchup
  • 50 sugar cubes
  • 1 fruit cocktail cup

Mix together fruit cocktail and oranges in ziplock bag. Seal, and gently mash to make a pulp, careful not to tear the bag. Add approximately 2 standard water bottles full of tap water, and reseal. Run bag under hot water for 20 minutes, then wrap in towels to insulate. Let sit for two days, without being touched, in the dark, to ferment. After 48 hours, the bag should have inflated with gasses. Open bag, drop in sugar cubes and ketchup. Wait until sugar cubes start to melt, and gently kneed mixture again. Run bag under hot water for an addition 30 minutes, rewrap in towels and let sit undisturbed in the dark for another 48 hours. Continue letting gas out of the bag and reheating under hot water for 30 minutes every day for four more days. Don't forget to wrap in towels and store in a dark place (like buried in a whole in the prison yard). On the ninth day your punch is done. Cheers!

Are you going to try any of these?

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