Oscar 2013 Drinking Game
It's All About ME!
THE OSCAR DRINKING GAME
Brought to you by The Katie and Meg Show
This is the one drinking game that is guaranteed to get you sh*thoused on the one night when Hollywood unabashedly fellates itself and televises it for the whole world to enjoy. If you are over 21, douse yourself in your drink of choice every time the listed items occur, and you will sure to be the life of your Oscar party.
The first step to a successful drunken Oscar experience is to tune into E!’s Red Carpet Coverage hosted by Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic. Let’s be real, every good party starts with a pregame.
Somebody Feed Me, Please!
I'm A Real Boy!
Red Carpet Host Rules
Giuliana ...
- Mentions a cleanse, diet tips, or says she had to squeeze into her dress (which is clearly a size 0)
- Directs someone to the "mani-cam" or any other cutesy name for cameras meant to zoom in on a celebrity’s specific body part
- Screams out for George Clooney
- Mentions Bill Rancic, and fails to mention his inappropriate relationship with Donald Trump
- Offers or asks for parenting tips
- Talks about how long it took her to get ready, like anybody cares
Ryan Seacrest...
- Is CLEARLY standing on a box
- Mentions last year's altercation with Sasha Barron Cohen...
- Or says that he is extra prepared for a run-in this year (extra suits)
Kelly Osborne says someone looks "Gorgeous" who clearly is fug
I Want To Eat Your Children
Say My Name, Say My Name
Drink Until You Feel Famous
The easiest way to turn the show itself into an all-out drinkfest, fill out an Oscar ballot and drink every time you get a category wrong. If you get it right, you get to hand out a drink to a fellow spectator (don’t drink alone kids, it’s just sad).
If you find this year’s host, Seth MacFarlane as creepy as we do, the only way to cope is to drink every time he….
- Makes a Franco reference or says something about this being a less awkward year for Anne Hathaway
- Makes an obscure 70s/80s pop-culture reference and/or voice
- Talks about being a weird choice
- Gets no applause/awkward silence
Now that you’ve made it through the red carpet and the opening monologue, the rest of the game is a synch.
- Some rando from best live action short rants over the play-off music
- Anne Hathaway musical theater nerds her way through anything
- During the memorandum part, you forgot someone died
- Someone talks about time allotted for the show - time limit, speeches, etc.
- Any mention of Meryl Streep—homegirl is not nominated this year
- Every sighting of a red dress
- Someone from another part of the industry shows up, even though they clearly have no business at the Oscars (i.e. Sofia Vergara, Taylor Swift)
- Finish your drink and punch your TV if anyone takes a political stance on anything
Look At Me, Look At Me
End Notes
Follow-up rule:Drink tomorrow when the story breaks that Lindsay Lohan got arrested during the Oscars so people would pay attention to her.
Disclaimer:by playing this game, you may lose $5 in your Oscar pool, get a little sloppy and take off your pants, be hungover at work on Monday, and drunk dial that dude who never called you back 6 months ago and tell him to ARGO-F*CK himself (it’s not as funny as your drunkself thinks it is).
