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Our Bathroom / Toilet Smells of Pee!

Updated on August 8, 2012

Our bathroom smells of pee,

I don't know why, it wasn't me,

I suspect my Husband may have missed,

Last Friday night when he was pissed,

A rotten habit that makes me crazy,

Missing the bowl is just plain lazy,

Staring at ceiling in mid flow,

Whilst God knows what goes on below,

A careless shake in any direction,

Leads to splashes upon reflection,

Pee is yellow, but so's our carpet,

(Unless it wasn't until he marked it!)

I've disinfected without success,

The odour never gets any less,

Febreze and Oust have proved no match,

Against the strength of this pee patch,

My Husband clearly has no shame,

As our cats he tries to blame,

He says they tiddle on floor,

Then make a beeline out the door,

I know of course this isn't true,

They prefer an outdoor loo,

It's human pee that I can smell,

Like Gent's urinals, (I can tell),

Recycled beer is not so fragrant,

Tough for any cleaning agent,

So all you men please have a heart,

Aim your willy before you start,

Until flow stops play close attention,

And one more thing that I must mention,

Shake off the drips but take great care,

Not to fling them in the air,

A gentle blot with toilet tissue,

Ensures your manhood does not cause issue,

Always put down the toilet seat,

These thoughtful actions keep Wives sweet,

Remember this and please take heed,

You won't regret it once you've peed.

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    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

      Ha! An ingenious poem about an all too familiar problem!As the proud owner of a teenage boy, I know the aroma of which you speak. I'm not convinced that he even faces the toilet when he goes!

      Putting the boy in charge of cleanng the toilet and surrounding area seems to have improved his aim, greatly, though. Could be worth a try.

      Loved the pics, and the joke at the end was hysterical! You never disappoint, Cindy!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks B.T. (Blushes), a truly lovely compliment coming from you :)

    • Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

      Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

      Ha, ha, ha, this is masterpiece, Cindy!

      Your poem is fantastic.

      Need to be translated on many languages....

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Cheers Tatjana, I enjoyed writing it although it took me a while :)

    • The Old Firm profile image

      The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

      Why is it that women always complain "put the seat down, put the seat down." For Gods sake, what's wrong with you, haven't you got arms? How 'bout when YOU'VE finished PUT THE SEAT UP?

      Cheers,

      TOF

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      So not fair TOF :( After all, you leave the seat down when you have a dump don't you? We do too, plus when we have a pee, whereas only men leave the seat up for a pee. The maths mean the seat is therefore required to be down more than up, so more sense for it to be down than up when people enter the little room. :)

    • profile image

      Hayley (Big Sis) 7 years ago

      Great fun Cindy! Loved it. Funny how most men can't aim straight. After all, how difficult can it be? Lol. But can any of your male fans please settle another mystery while wer'e on this subject. When they have to stop the car to get out and relieve themselves, why do they always have to pee 'up against' something?

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Good point Hayley, it is a bit like the thing where dogs cock their legs against a tree, men are no different. Pleased you enjoyed the hub :)

    • Triplet Mom profile image

      Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

      Lol! Great hub!! This made me laugh.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Triplet Mom, it's always lovely to get positive feedback :)

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      That was too funny! Especially the cell phone conversation. BTW, did you ever get the pee out of the house?

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOl Mayhmong, Well, the odour is better than it was having heaped every product on the shelf at the carpet, but I can't say it has gone completely, (perhaps he is topping it up!!!).

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Have you tried spraying the carpet with vinegar? That usually works when my newest kitten was spraying everywhere

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      I might just give that a go Mayhmong, or to cut out the problem from the source perhaps I could just spray my Husband with vinegar instead :)

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Hmmm...That could work

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL Mayhmong, I shall seriously consider it :)

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 7 years ago from Australia

      I love the poem!! SO AWESOME!!! :)

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Cheers Marcofratelli, it was all my own work, so I am delighted you enjoyed it :)

    • tammyfrost profile image

      Tammy Frost 7 years ago from Oregon

      lol...very interesting...Thank-you for the kind tips on being new here. I really appreciate it!

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hey thanks Tammy, that was quick. Delighted you enjoyed this and welcome to Hubpages :)

    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 6 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      Best joke I've heard in a while.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks JY3502, pleased to give you a laugh :)

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think you left anything out! So much fun.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Thanks Sharyn, I am delighted you enjoyed this :)

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Very funny! I have all girls and my sister has one boy. I can always tell after he has had a visit:) lol I make him use the bathroom downstairs with the ceramic tile! lol lol

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image
      Author

      Cindy Lawson 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      LOL RealHousewife, yes boys are definitely a useless shot when it comes to toilets, and they don't appear to get much better as they get older.

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