Our Fascination With Large Breasts (Text and Pictures)
Today, boys and girls, we're going to read about and look at pictures of large breasts. Not because we're leering inanely, but because we care about breasts as a social issue. (Okay, some of us will be leering inanely and will no doubt end up leaving comments like 'ii bby, i r want to seks u', but we have to accept that if half the population is going to be above the average level of intelligence, then half has to be under. So next time you feel yourself getting irritated with an idiot who doesn't seem to understand the Internet, or even the basic laws of Physics, don't get angry at him/her, just be grateful that they're making you look good.) Back to the breasts though, because that's really why we are all here. I've decided to focus today on large breasts, as small breasts, while perfectly pleasant in their own way, fail to attract near the attention or controversy that their larger companions command.
I've compiled a few theories on why we might be attracted (and when I say 'attracted' I mean, 'compelled to give attention to' rather than some sort of dirty sexual meaning that would completely debase this entire argument) to large breasts.
The 'Life Was Better When I Was A Baby' Theory:
Perhaps they remind us of a simpler time, a time when from the maternal breast, milk flowed freely. You didn't have to hold down a job, or be nice to people you didn't like. The word, 'networking' was merely bunch of sounds that could have referred to anything from that smell the dog made, to the smell that you made. Life was simple, life was good, and in comparison to your small stature, the breasts were very large indeed.
The 'Scientists Like To Talk About Evolutionairy Reasons For Things' Theory:
Scientists have suggested that full breasts are a sign of fertility. Scientists suggest all sorts of things however (remember when they insisted that the Earth was flat? Oh what a laugh we all had when that turned out to be wrong), and it is an established fact that the success of the a woman reproductively has very little to do with the size of her breasts. Pregnant women's breasts do swell and grow larger though, so perhaps they might be on to something
The 'We Like Big Things' Theory:
Humanity has always been impressed by size. If something is larger, we automatically assume its better. Bigger cars are more impressive, bigger muscles are more attractive, and Donald Trump hasn't built a great deal of small buildings has he? No, he builds big, because we love big. The exception to this rule appears to be, at least in the Western World, being big because you're fat, but that's a whole 'nother kettle of fishy worm cans that I am pretty sure none of us want to open.
The 'I Don't Know, They're Just Nice' Theory:
Large breasts are softer, more visually prominent, and are more effective when used as a pillow.
A Breastly Discusson
All of the aformentioned theories are possibilities. What's interesting about large breasts however, is the amount of energy invested in them by society as a whole. Some women undergo painful and unnecessary surgery to get larger breasts, surgery that involves being cut open and bleeding whilst a surgeon shoves a fabricated implant into the breast to make it bigger. Most people find this to be rather distasteful, at least ostensibly, but there are pockets of the world where such procedures are the norm (think Los Angeles, CA). Breast Augmentation is practically a way of life there, and why? Because as a society, we seem to value breasts more highly than gold.
On the flip side, there are others who seem to find the mention of breasts offensive. Breast feeding infants is even discouraged as a public activity in many places, something that can make the already difficult task of raising a young infant and having a life even harder.
And here we seem to have come full circle. Breasts may not be the be all and end all of femininity, and it would certainly be amiss to suggest that a woman with small or even no breasts is less of a woman than a larger breasted counterpart. However the breast, as a symbol, occupies a special place in the human psyche, both as an object of desire, and as a giver of the essential nutrients of life.
As with men's equipment however (see how I avoided saying 'penis' there, pretty slick huh), size should not be an issue.
WRITER'S NOTE: Just in case you were wondering, yes. I did feel like Jerry Springer when I wrote that last line, and it felt good. Dirty, but good.