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Penis Obsession!

Updated on May 11, 2011

What's it all about?

I thought I'd be really controversial and begin this hub with a photo of my cock! Nice, isn't it? It's up every morning, greeting the day and wakening the neighbours. My neighbours love my cock, especially that Mrs. Smyth a few doors down.  She told me once that if it wasn't for my cock, she'd probably never waken up in the morning. 

Ok, I think I've just about exhausted all the innuendo.... so let me get to the crux of my gripe here. I'm a 53 year old man, who's pretty healthy. I reckon I have a fairly active sex-life, and am fortunate to have a rather beautiful wife. So I'd like to give notice here, to the dozens of obnoxious promotion companys who seem to target my email and gmail addresses with their incessant campaigns. Listen guys...once and for all.

I do NOT have erectile dysfunction! I am NOT unhappy with the length of my penis. I do NOT have trouble sustaining an erection! I do NOT feel the need to make my erections last for half an hour longer! I do NOT desire the sexual prowess of a porn star! I do NOT want creams, gels, ointments, tablets, remedies, cures, enhancers, or any of the other products that you recommend to make me feel like more of a man!!!

How did those obnoxious gits get my address anyway? And who told them I was over fifty? The day after my fiftieth birthday, the number of sales pitches doubled, and they just keep growing and growing!

Neither do I wish to find a Russian wife, or a Thai servant "who's willing to do a few 'extra' chores"! I don't really care if Nastasha or Yasmin is "looking to be very true love of kind gentleman who will love me for my soul and be my friend for life"!  I never ASKED for your attentions, and I'm not going to give up the happy marriage that I'm already in to make you happy!

Please, please, PLEASE.... just leave me alone.

And before I go.... what's the difference between a Rooster and a prostitute?

A rooster goes "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"    A prostitute goes "Any cock'll-do!"


End of gripe!


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    • SteveMacken profile image

      SteveMacken 6 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

      Can you put this in next year's panto script... please! :-)

      Up and very, very funny.

    • Thatguypk profile image

      Thatguypk 6 years ago

      Awww Fay... you say the nicest things. Thank you kindly.

    • profile image

      Fay Paxton 6 years ago

      PK, you are in a league of your own. Your opening paragraph is award-winning.

      up/soooo funny

    • Thatguypk profile image

      Thatguypk 6 years ago

      And so far I've had responses from a gay man and 2 ladies... hahaha... speaks volumes, doesn't it! ;-)

    • profile image

      THAT Mary Ann 6 years ago

      You certainly know how to get your readers' attention with that opening sentence! Very amusing. Voted up (no pun intended.)

    • Thatguypk profile image

      Thatguypk 6 years ago

      Hahaha... nice first comment, Angie.... I suppose a woman with erectile dysfunction really only needs to buy new batteries!!! :-)

      And yes, I can tell from your spirit that you are not a decrepid old lady! Stay young and stay happy!

    • Angie Jardine profile image

      Angie Jardine 6 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

      You should worry, PK! It's when I get them that things get really surreal ... but I know what you mean about TV adverts that go on about old age ... I suppose they have to as some people need the products and are old in their 50's/60's ... not us though, eh?

    • Thatguypk profile image

      Thatguypk 6 years ago

      T'is indeed the world we live in, Christopher.

      My other pet hates are those television adverts aimed at the over-50's, for life assurance, stira-stair lifts, funeral arrangements....

      My least favourite was an advert for over-50's insurance... offering you a welcome gift of a carriage clock... presumably so that you can sit in your rocking chair and watch the rest of your life ticking away!! Another one offered a welcome gift of a Fountain Pen???? Who uses fountain pens nowadays??

      I'm hoping to live until I'm 125.... longevity runs in my family..... so i'll start worrying about the frailties of old age when I turn 95.... until then, I plan to keep as young as possible. (The fact that I have my first child on the way, has put a new spring in my step!! :-) )

      I remember the great comedian George Burns at the age of 98, coming out with the line, "I saw my doctor the other day. He said George, if you don't stop smoking those cigars, you're gonna die a young man!" Now THAT is the way to look at life!!!

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      I like your "Rooster".

      Good Hub. I think all the over fifties get the same hassles.

      It's the world we live in unfortunately.