People Who Take Themselves Too Seriously Freak Me Out: A List of People Types That Make The World a Worse Place.
Alright, I'll admit it. People who take life too seriously freak me out. Everybody knows someone who takes life too seriously. They never see the light side of things, always remind you why a joke or comedy is not funny, and are, in general, real-life "Debbie Downers".
"Debbie Downer" is a hilarious character portrayed on Saturday Night Live by the talented Rachel Dratch. She always manages to see the dark side of things. For instance after meeting Pluto at Disney World, she says, "Oh, hi, Pluto. It must really be fun working at Disney. Although at any major theme park, you live under the constant threat of terrorist attacks." I love the "whomp, whomp" that always follows her comments. I've met several people like that and always hear Debbie's theme music in my head when they speak.
But back to the serious people. These people always manage to take the fun out of a joke. They are the ones who will say, after the punchline, "You know, you shouldn't make light of the situation. Someone might get offended." My advice to this somber group is: Laugh. Laugh at yourself. Everybody else is already laughing at you so you might as well join-in. Otherwise you're just going to look stupid.
People. All types of people.
Now that I'm thinking about it, there are many different types of people that make me do a double-take. Because it's so very important to pigeon-hole people, I'm going to make a list of some of those types. Not all of the types of people, mind you, just the bad ones. Bad people are so much more interesting.
- The literal guy. You know this guy. If you say something like, "I had to tell him a million times", this guy is either going to point out that there is no way you could have actually said something a million times or he is going to chastise you for lying. He takes everything very literally. So literally, in fact, that if you told him to turn around he would turn in a complete 360° circle.
- The, "I'm so smart I need to educate everyone around me" guy. I've run into this guy on Facebook. After posting a funny joke that was lamenting the burden of the average taxpayer, he went on to try to educate me on why that wasn't funny and how racist it was. Of course it wasn't racist--only if you made racist assumptions when reading it but he expounded at length in an attempt to teach my friends and me on social issues. For the first time in my life, I was literally "rolling on the floor" when a friend with an African-American family said, "What do you call people who make sweeping generalizations about a race? Racist." She then followed it up with the hilarious, "I hope I don't find out my husband and children have turned into 'crack-heads' while I was at work." The best part, however, was that he continually referred to himself as an "academic" but misspelled his words and used poor grammar. Tip to those who aspire to educate others: make sure your writing and grammar is spot-on or else you just look like an idiot
- The green-eyed monster. This woman is envious of everyone. She constantly feels threatened by other people, mostly other women. If you give her a compliment, she interprets it as an insult. She only feels happy if she thinks she has the upper hand so her solution is to push people down in order to elevate her self-worth. I don't know why, I can spot these women a mile away. I have a weird secret. I see color around people. When I spot a green-eyed monster, she usually has black squiggly lines around her head. You know, like Pigpen from Peanuts. The only way you can get a person like this off your back is to criticize yourself constantly and lay a plethora of praise upon her. I don't think it's worth it so my solution is to avoid women like this entirely.
- The "my life was tough so everybody else's should be too or they are worthless" guy. This person had to fend for themselves a lot growing up. They didn't have parents around due to divorce, or work, or the economy, or other reasons. Therefore, they take issue with others who live a comparatively "cushy" life. I admire people like this who have the fortitude and self-drive to move forward in life with very little assistance. I don't think, however, it's fair for these people to wish those hardships on others.
- The perfect parent. Funny about this one. Often these folks don't actually have kids or are brand new parents. They are full of advice and critique about what other parents are doing wrong. Parenting to them is black and white. Karma truly is, however, a bitch. I've seen a lot of parents criticizing other parents and their kids who end up with much worse problems. What is that saying? You reap what you sew? I believe it means that whatever you do will come back upon you. So as a parent, or future parent, it's best to be supportive and leave the snarky comments at the door.
- The "organization and planning is my life and should be yours, too" lady. This woman is busy. She never has any downtime. Her time is very important. Every minute of her day is tightly scheduled and planned. She doesn't have time for silly, inane activities like watching TV or movies. If she ever does, though, it is a documentary because it is educational. While she watches the educational documentary, she multitasks by completing household chores at the same time. She is very precise and unforgiving of others who fail to meet her expectations. There are no excuses allowed with this woman. Perfection is the only alternative. When I see women like this, I hear "Flight of the Bumblebee" in my head. The women then get angry at me because I can't help but smile, hearing their theme music. Oh, no. I'm smiling now.
- The topper. No matter what you've seen or done, this person has either seen or done, or knows someone who has seen or done something even better. Every conversation is a competition. They barely listen to you and fidget until the time is right for them to start of with, "Well, that's nothing. One time I knew a guy..."
- The gossip. This woman whispers things. She always has the skinny on everyone in town and can't wait to share. She asks you probing questions about your life so that she can share the answers with everyone else. My advice? Never reveal anything to anyone who whispers.
- The close talker. You know the guy. He doesn't feel like he's getting his point across unless he is right up in your grill. You can smell what he had for lunch. When talking to this guy, you back up. He doesn't get the message and moves toward you more. The dance continues until you are backed against a wall. Personal space is not something this guy is familiar with. With this guy, it's best to be hold an object out in front of yourself to create space.
- Me. The jabberbox who laughs inappropriately. I said people should laugh at themselves. My name is Denise and I'm a jabberbox. I can't help myself. I talk, and talk, and talk some more. I talk to my friends, acquaintances and strangers on the street. I laugh at situations, especially tense, uncomfortable situations. I always spot the ridiculousness of things. Maybe, come to think of it, that makes me judgemental. I'm certain that many people find me annoying. If only they would sit down with me so we could talk about it.
What did I miss?
Let me get this straight. There are more lovely people in the world than bad. I enjoy all sorts of people. There are just certain types that I could do without. What types of people, that annoy you, do you run into in your everyday life? Leave a comment and share your stories. I'd love to talk about it with you. (Of course, I would. )