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Perfect Gifts for People You Hate!

Updated on December 4, 2013
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The Gift of Passive Aggressive Giving

Let's face it, sometimes we are obligated to buy holiday gifts for people we really don't like. It might be a boss, an in-law, your sister or your boyfriend's sister! It just wouldn't be right to come to the party empty handed.

It can be a nightmare to purchase the right gifts for those we love - don't let buying gifts for the people you hate make your holiday miserable. Have fun and get the perfect gift. Not only will it send the proper message to the recipient but you will feel really good about yourself for having been so generous!


The Road to Riches Starts With One Share!

One Share of Stock

One Share is a brokerage that allows you to purchase one share of stock as a gift. You can purchase shares of the recipient's favorite brands and thus begin their road to investing in their future. One Share allows you to purchase the certificate online and can be sent in a beautiful frame or even customized!

How about sending the "nag" in your life a beautifully framed certificate for a share of Kimberly Clark? That would be so thoughtful and truly says it all!

For the gossip? You could send a share of "Beasley Broadcast Group."

How about the person who just acts like an absolute dog? Petsmart!

This year you can make those special people in your life = shareholders!

The Power of Reading

Books always make great gifts. I frequently gift coffee table books to friends with gorgeous color photographs in topics they are interested in. I bought my husband a huge Rolling Stones coffee table book years ago and he still keeps it in his office.

Books can be even more fun when you buy them for those people who require obligatory gifts. Make it a fun event for yourself and the money will be much better spent!

For the person who continuously acts as if they don't know how to behave in the break room to the psychos we all know and love there is a book befitting every personality.

For the Preacher in Your Life

This would make a lovely gift selection for the preacher in your life! This is for the person who always starts their sentences with, "you know what you should do?" This would also make the perfect choice for that person who constantly wants to cram their religion down your throat. This might be the person that will be heard exclaiming, "Amen!", "Hallelujah" or "Praise the Lord!" after every sentence has been spoken by anyone.

You can't go wrong with the Jesus Toaster. Each morning, your loved one can rejoice with Jesus Toast and coffee! Amen to that!

For the Tool

Tools are great gifts. Nothing says screw you more than this big fat Stanley Stubby Screwdriver. Additionally, it has multi bits! I think it's safe to say you can't go wrong putting this in your cart!

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For the Busy Person

If you know someone who is so busy that they constantly call you to do things for them - this is the perfect gift for them. Nothing will show them how much you appreciate being at their beck and call more than this nifty present. Ringing your bell will be easier than ever and save your friend the time of having to speak when they want to summon you.

Source

Better Safe than Sorry?

Now these might come in handy for the person in your life that is full of it. We all know someone such as this and Emergency Underpants are sure to be just the thing. Next time your gassy buddy forgets the beano - don't fear. There will be no emergency here.

These pants would be great for the person who is constantly yelling and red faced. Everything's eventual and those screamers sometimes have sphincter issues, hence the screaming.

These emergency pants can fit discretely in a purse, desk drawer or right in the old briefcase. Come what may - you might just save the day for someone.

Edible Gifts

I have always had a secret fantasy about sending someone one of the edible gift baskets or flower arrangements. It's the only way I can think of getting away with saying, "Eat Me" to those loving gift recipients.

Enjoy Giving...

Obligatory gift giving doesn't have to be a hassle and you can certainly choose the perfect gift for your intended. Say exactly what is on your mind and rejoice in the holiday season. Remember, it's the thought that counts!

Keep it Real!

Matchbox - She's So Mean

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." ~Stephen Bishop

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  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I am indeed Paula but life seems to be getting in the way. Today, in the shape of a six month old baby girl who needed a sitter:) lol

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    ...."But doing it is much more fun than thinking about it.".......were you still talking about Hubpages???!! LMAO! Just ignore me! I'm bad.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh it's definitely me that's been gone for a while...but I miss hub and it's summer and I've got more time with the girls having no schedule. They're hanging out with friends and I kept telling myself, "I've got to get back to hubpages..." But doing it is much more fun than just thinking about it:)

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    OK...so it WAS you who took some time off......I'm up and down ..on & off.....Kind of dazed and confused. Nothing new for me

    "A one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest!!" LMAO!! I guess I must be competing as well! I just can't figure out why I'm always BUSY, but never see much accomplished!...

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Paula! How is it going? I've been busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest lately:) lol. I'm really trying to get back to Hub...I miss it a lot!

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    And it's an "Oldie but a Goodie," being sent around one more time for good measure.

    I was just thinking about you yesterday!! Haven't seen you around at all....Have you been away or am I just getting more and more ditzy??

    Hope all is well in your world, Kelly!

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    I've been enjoying these re-cycled Christmas hubs......the epitome of the "evergreen hubs!" I'm so broke this year, I can barely buy for people I love.....to heck with the creeps. Gram Dawg has had herself one very expensive year. Time to start storing up the pennies again.

    You & yours enjoy every minute of this Holiday Season!!! Peace.

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    HA! I hope you don't need any of the gifts, really:) lol. But if so...it's a good list!

  • Barbara Kay profile image

    Barbara Badder 3 years ago from USA

    I love this hub. It's funny, but gives you some good idea at the same time.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh that's a good one Marcy! Lol. I like the Catus or perhaps a Prickly Pear? Hahaha

    Thank you so much!

  • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

    Marcy Goodfleisch 3 years ago from Planet Earth

    Love the sense of humor here! How about a gift cactus for that irritating boss? Or a faux anything for the people you know who are complete fakes? I love the idea of having a private laugh as you wrap & present the gifts. Off to go shopping! Great HOTD - congrats!

    Voted up & shared!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Too funny! hive love doc:) I do love Banana bread and Godiva chocolates would float my boat too! I'd say it's a very good trade! Haha

    My family and I agreed for gifts to be bought for kids only! That way we can save each other the trouble of shopping for gifts, spending the money and time and we can buy a gift for ourselves if we want one that bad! This way, we can all ENJOY the holiday. I will get small useful gifts or scratch off's with cards to show I thought about my loved ones but stressing out and trying to exchange gifts of equal value and all that seems silly!

  • profile image

    lovedoctor926 4 years ago

    I love this funny hub. I came back to revisit. Do you know that my sister in law's family always gives us a loaf of banana bread for Thanksgiving and Christmas. They've been doing that for the past 6 years. And since her mother likes chocolate, we usually return the favor by buying her a box of Godiva chocolates. The way I see it goes like this... If I don't like the person, then no need for card or gift, but I understand that in some cases you have no choice. Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Pinkchick - and you know what's funnier? If you have them to a girl! Hahahaha what would that be indicating I wonder? Hahaha. Thanks!

  • Pinkchic18 profile image

    Sarah Carlsley 4 years ago from Minnesota

    Disposable underwear dispenser! lol! Now that is funny. Great hub.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Thank you so much Audrey! I had fun doing this one for sure!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Veronica! Good to see you and how is the baby btw! I wonder!

    Well you know, I always seem to get stuck drawing names and I get the person who hates me or something. I have some obligatory gifts to buy this year as well. At least I put real thought into it right? hahaha

  • AudreyHowitt profile image

    Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

    So, so funny!!

  • VeronicaFarkas profile image

    Veronica Roberts 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

    Hahaha I think I enjoyed this one a bit too much. I'm already thinking about where to start w/ my "I really dislike you, but still want to be nice to you" list for Christmas. ;)

    Votes & shared!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi recappers delight - thank you! I did have a private chuckle about the look on someone's face as they process the implication of the gift:) hahahaha I know - I am so mean sometimes! lol

  • recappers delight profile image

    recappers delight 4 years ago

    The idea of giving a person you hate an etiquette book really cracks me up.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Cyndi! Lol. I love doing these hubs once in a while where I get to cut lose and make evil suggestions! Really, I'm just trying to help! Hahahahaha

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Paula - I don't think you are a weakling for sure, I just can't imagine anyone wanting to mess with you. I don't hunk you would be the "starter" of BS. I don't think you take it sitting down though - nope! You are way too smart for that! Thank goodness!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Haha Moms secret - that so reminds me of a boss I had once. I bought her lavender hoping it would calm her ass down:) hahahahaha. Didn't work!

    I was wearing a necklace with "the evil eye" as a charm. She walked up to me and said, "what's that supposed to be?" I said, "it's a charm that's supposed to ward off evil. Obviously it doesn't work though because there you are!" Hahaha I almost got fired! LOL LOL

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Nora - oh I get tops that are WAY too bog from one extended family member. They are always really ugly too with big stripes or something...now who doesn't know the rule about horizontal stripes?!? That's cool though - as you can guess I make sure my gifts say just the right thing when I send them.

    This year I'm sending that person a case of condomes! What ya think that says?! Hahahahaha

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Tammy that toaster is my favorite find! I might buy two or three even! Hahaha. I mean it's just so funny I couldn't believe I found it. Amazon is great isn't it?! You can find anything under the sun on amazon!

    Thanks so much!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey freash2def05 - thank you! I actually want one of those toasters now. Every morning I imagine the face of Jesus burned into my toast and laugh:) How joyful would that be? Hahaha

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Unknown spy - thank you so much! I had lots of fun with my shopping this year!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Glimmer Twin - right! Hahaha I had to laugh imagining someone's face when they saw that super stubby screwdriver :) evil! But it's STILL a great gift right?! Lol

  • cclitgirl profile image

    Cynthia Sageleaf 4 years ago from Western NC

    HAHA. Hilarious! I love the "etiquette for dummies" - I have a few people in mind that it would be perfect for. The maxi pads are priceless (not really, but still, HAHAH.) This hub is awesomeSAUCE!

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    awwww...thanks, Kel......but trust me.....I can be thoughtless and very UN-funny too.......All depends on what buttons are being abused!!LOL

    "Never mistake KINDNESS...for weakness." My motto.......

  • Moms-Secret profile image

    Lissette 4 years ago from Central Florida

    Hahaha! You are so funny. I, unfortunately, am not disliked by many. Only one lady and she is a prude. These kind of ideas take character. I don't think she is capable of it. Wait a minute... I think she has given me a gift! Now, I'm really excited! She gave me a horrible, unflattering, butt flattening, ultra concealing, tacky bathing suit... to replace mine as an early bday present in Aug. My bday is in December. And I thought I would be deprived of such joy. Oh happy day!

    I sent her yoga and meditation resources so she could get better sleep and stop being such a b---h. It hasn't worked yet.

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Oh my! Are you serious kthix10? Wow - now I just think it might be a funny gift but I'd seriously never give that to anyone! You can't do jack with one share of stock! Except hang it on the wall...so even if you got one every year for like a hundred years - it won't amount to much unless there is a skyrocketing charge for that stock:) lol

    It is a total pain cashing that stuff in! You have to sign all kinds of crap and place orders and wait for them to fill - man - well now you know just how to pay that gifter back I hope:) lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Steph! Tis the season right? haha I know it's awful and I really pride myself on being a great gift giver but there are times when I think I shouldn't even bother! ugh! I still do- but at least I can find some way to laugh about the "what if's?" haha

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Ha! Yeah Effer - I have received some insulting stuff over the years, you really wouldn't believe me if I told you. Honest. I have found ways to at least enjoy it a little more from my end:) lol At least I entertain myself! haha

    Thanks and yep, I'd NEVER gift someone something like a green sweater to begin with! Ew...I have gotten some ugly clothes and I just drop them in the donation box around the corner. At least someone will care for them. I can't see why anyone would even be mean to you really, Paula, you are so thoughtful and funny!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Miss1imagination - thank you so much! I adore the holiday season and gift giving so much more when I can add some personal meaning in there straight from my little heart! haha

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I thank you Sharkye11! I do love books and I do encourage that people read for their own good! It's great to be educated:) lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey braydonmoore - that is very classy of you. I do give gifts to people even if they don't deserve them. I like to be real appropriate though and make sure I get the PERFECT gift that reflects how I feel about them. So much more meaningful don't you agree? haha

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Gypsy - thank you very much! I love doing these sarcastic type articles:) lol

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey Vicki! Thank you so much! I adore you right back and you know it! Isn't that toaster so hilarious, I mean I really want one! lol That would make me smile every day!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Mel - dead flowers would be really freaky! Easy to self gift though - I do have some dying flowers in the back yard!

    I have heard of people who stopped and took flowers from graves and gifted them - sheesh talk about bad karma!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Susan! Oh man, I was just betting that everyone has somebody they feel this way about. I loved the underpants too and was laughing so hard when I found them! Sweet!

  • Nora411 profile image

    Nora411 4 years ago from Chicago, IL

    This is pretty funny! My thing is always getting them a top that I know will be a size or 2 smaller than what they need... and no gift receipt. Off the clearance rack haha. Great ideas voting up!

  • tammyswallow profile image

    Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

    Oh.. so many wonderful ideas. The Jesus Toaster still has me rolling on the couch. This would be the perfect gift for a few I knew. Hilarious and wonderfully snarky. Love it!!

  • fresh2def05 profile image

    fresh2def05 4 years ago from Louisville, Ky

    LOL...These are very funny. The Jesus toast had me rolling. You should write more hubs like this. I really enjoyed it. Voted up.

  • unknown spy profile image

    IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

    Hahahaha!!! This is great. Love your ideas realhousewife. Let's keep it real!

  • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

    Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

    Gotta love the tool for the tool! Ha! I know a couple of people I could give that to and they would never realize it which makes it even funnier! Funny hub and voted up!

  • kthix10 profile image

    kthix10 4 years ago from IL

    am laughing so hard right now I don't even know what to say - my aunt is super passive aggressive and she ALWAYS gave us one stock share it was SO annoying. I had to sell all of them off when I got married to someone who had to declare all of his stocks for his job and it was a PIA.

  • stephhicks68 profile image

    Stephanie Hicks 4 years ago from Bend, Oregon

    Hilarious and oh-so-timely, Kelley! :)

    I admit that I have been a passive/aggressive gift giver in the past. I've limited myself to giving "funny" books, but now I see that I will have to branch out a bit. Rated up! So funny! Steph

  • fpherj48 profile image

    Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

    Kelly....I'll be looking at my gifts in a whole new way!!! I don't think anyone who HATES me would bother with a gift......even passive-aggressive. Most people know me too well. I would NOT smile, and say "Thank you."

    A few years back......an "unpopular" sister-in-law, whom I simply ignore, like she's invisible......gave me a green sweater in a size XXLG......(for the record, I'm 5'4" and 130lbs.) After I opened it, I just said, out loud......"Oh look, a sweater the same color as you!"

    Moral: Don't mess with the Effer.

  • miss1magination profile image

    miss1magination 4 years ago

    Kelly, it's just about time for the silly season and this hub has all the humor - I m looking for $10 gifts for secret santa, these are will be very useful Fun ideas! Thanks :)

  • Sharkye11 profile image

    Jayme Kinsey 4 years ago from Oklahoma

    I love the idea of sending messages through books! Especially giving them to people who aren't readers. :) Great hub! Voting up and sharing!

  • braydonmoore profile image

    Braydon Moore 4 years ago from Canada

    haha. very funny hub and gift ideas . I really wanna to give one gift to my enemy so thanks for good gift ideas.

  • Gypsy48 profile image

    Gypsy48 4 years ago

    Very entertaining hub, well done:)

  • Victoria Lynn profile image

    Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

    You are so funny! I adore you, Real Kelly! Great ideas. LOL. I love the books you suggest. And the Jesus toaster? There is really such a thing. You are great! Sharing this hub!

  • melbel profile image

    Melanie Shebel 4 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

    This is great! Dead flowers are another great gift. When I worked at a flower shop, someone requested we send dead flowers to someone. They insisted that it was going to be a funny prank, but I'm pretty sure it was meant to be mean. Either way, it's funny!

    Great hub, hilarious ideas!

  • sholland10 profile image

    Susan Holland 4 years ago from Southwest Missouri

    Omgosh!! I have a person for each gift you mention!! I'm definitely getting one person those emergency underpants. Lol.

    Great hub with great ideas!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Rich now how could I ever mind that! I am going to go get your link and link it to mine! I don't even have to see what it says to know I will love it! lol Thank you SO much!! I love that!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Ha! Susan - that is funny but you know - they are boys! They probably really liked it! But now imagine like gifting it to someone like your boss...hahaha! I'd just love to see the look on someones face when they did that dot to dot! haha Thank you!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    hahahahahah KT - enjoy it! This year - make it mean a lot! You know? LOL

    Thank you so much!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Drbj! I have been so thinking about you! Now - I am a great little passive aggressive gift giver huh? haha

    I was seriously looking into one share as a cute gift for a child...and then I noticed a few and it caused me to raise my eyebrows. I thought - now why would ANYONE buy a share of Kimberly Clark for another person? hahaha What would that say? All that - led to THIS! haha

    Thank you so much!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    hahaha Terrye you crack me up! Omg...I would so love to be sitting near the Christmas fire with you - I bet that would be a SCREAM!!

  • RealHousewife profile image
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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Yeah John - you got me! I usually am discovered and my family LOVES my gift giving practices...it's become part of the holiday festivity fun! hahaha I have actually wrapped and gifted these items: MCDonalds Ketchup packages...sticks, rocks and oh once potatoes! lol Only because I was trying to fool the recipent with the sounds the box makes when you shake it and try to guess by weight! haha I can't wait for this year!

    Thank you!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Serously, now I want one! I mean how great would that be? And it would make me laugh every day to eat my toast with Jesus! Then I could sing along...lol

  • rcrumple profile image

    Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

    Kelly - Btw. I just linked your hub to my Christmas gift one. Hope you don't mind. Rich : )

  • Just Ask Susan profile image

    Susan Zutautas 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

    Hey I gave those screwdrivers to all 3 of my sons one year .... I wonder if they thought what you wrote LOL! I feel like such a tool now.

    Very funny hub, loved it!

  • KT Banks profile image

    KT Banks 4 years ago from Texas

    Oh my! I'm so glad I took the time to read this (I'm supposed to be working on my manuscript) Thanks to you, I will enjoy shopping for my in-laws for the first time!!! Yay!

  • drbj profile image

    drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

    What a clever lil devil you are, Kelly. I love your choice of hateful gifts - especially the one share of stock for people you despise. Very imaginative, m'dear, so voted up of course.

  • TToombs08 profile image

    Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

    Fantastic ideas, Kelly! I have a favorite gift I like to give the undesirables on my gift list, but I won't say what it is...just in case. ;) Had to schmear all over.

  • John Sarkis profile image

    John Sarkis 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Great hub - unique. ...just hope your dislike towards this person doesn't "unconsciously" manifest/show up itself in the gift somehow and then you'll be in trouble...lol

  • barbergirl28 profile image

    Stacy Harris 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

    OMG I just have to say... I need to get the Jesus toaster for someone on my list. It is stemming from something that popped up in conversation a few days ago on facebook... It seems to good of an opportunity to pass up!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Rich! Oh sweeeet! I knew your sense of humor was awesome:) I just love shopping and I like to get the PERFECT gifts for people. I will go all out making sure my gift truly expresses my true feelings for the "getter." Hahaha makes that whole "give what you get" thing so amusing! Haha

    Thank you:)

  • rcrumple profile image

    Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

    Kelly - Great gift ideas! (he says with a smile lingering and thoughts of targets in his mind). Several here may find their way into some stockings. Love the humor and sarcasm! It's definitely my cup of tea! Great job!

  • RealHousewife profile image
    Author

    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hahaha you guys all crack me up - so these 3 am thoughts of mine are not just my own huh? Haha

    Lavertis! That IS hilarious! Hey I was looking for those pajamas they seek on T.V. And I can't remember what they call them....something that insinuates "lazy"...I wanted to add those but couldn't find them! That's perfect for those people that are lazy babies:) haha

    Right love doctor...I was pissed and immediately started planning my next gift to that person:) sad too because last year I got THAT one a designer purse for a few HUNDRED dollars. I won't do that again;)

    Ruchira - you are way too sweet to succumb to my little tricks...! Lol. I couldn't imagine you insulting a flea:)

    Julie - you know what I mean?? Yeah...these are gigs for those people that will look you in the eye, maybe even say "I love you " and then stab you in the back the second you turn around!

    Mhatter! Hahahahaha. Your POOR sister:) LOL

    Frog - hahaha! Yeah that's a good idea...and if you want to go the extra mile - you could draw a little picture of message for your "good friend." Hahah

    Thanks for the chuckles all!

  • The Frog Prince profile image

    The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

    On a budget? Buy a roll of toilet paper and send you each person you despise on sheet. Cutting each sheet in half will make the roll go farther if your list is long.

    The Frog

  • Mhatter99 profile image

    Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

    Thank you for the laughs. My best was a date with my sister. I love her, but she is a gorilla.

  • Julie DeNeen profile image

    Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

    Haha....that's great. I should print this out for..er...reference!

  • Ruchira profile image

    Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

    Haha...yes it is the thought that counts, Kelly.

    Loved this amusing hub.

    Wish you not quit your nanowir and work on it, my friend

    Cheers!!

  • profile image

    lovedoctor926 4 years ago

    Hi RealHousewife, I would have been very insulted too. A mini bottle of hand sanitizer. Don't buy that person anything. Lol. Good to hear from you.

  • Levertis Steele profile image

    Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

    RealHousewife,

    Now, you have made me paranoid! I will look for hidden meanings in all gifts from now on. If I detect an insult, I will CUSS the giver out tenfold! Just kidding.

    I am "guilty" of all of the attitude problems above. I am your friend by responding to your hub, so, send me all of my gifts, please. I really need a whole new tool set, not just a screwdriver. I am serious! I expect a big package from you.

    Once my co-workers and I pulled names for Christmas gifts, and one worker pulled the name of someone she HATED. She did not know that that same person had pulled her name. They bought each other the SAME gift--an adult-sized, toddler-looking pajamas set with a big bibb! I suppose they were designed for geriatrics. It was absolutely hilarious!

    I enjoyed this hub because it is different, and it made me laugh. Thanks for sharing. I am voting up and clicking the good buttons.

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Cardisa! Thank you - too funny:) I was doing a serious hub about gifts and found the "One Share" then I noticed some of the brand names. I don't know about anybody else in the world but if someone sent me a framed certificate of "Kimberly Clark" stock - I would have to wonder WTH? haha Who would buy one share of THAT to frame up? OMG! Or "PetsMart" ??? What does that say?

    Thanks so much:)

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I am sorry but that is funny lovedoctor - I was super insulted because someone gifted my daughter a mini bottle of hand sanitizer a few years ago. I mean really? I don't care what scent it is - it smells bad! They could have at least forked out enough for the whole bottle, right? hahaha Yeah that person is on my "special" list this year! hahaha

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    haha! Bill - that would be hilarious! I was just on Amazon and noticed some gag gifts and this title called me...my bad! But heck I just like to laugh and it seemed funny at 3 am! lol

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    Carolee Samuda 4 years ago from Jamaica

    When I started reading and I saw stocks, I was like, are these for people I don't like? I ain't buying them no damn stocks! But then I continued to read and realize that the stock options were quite befitting...lol. You have some badass ideas here Kelly, wish I had to give someone I don't like gift.

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    lovedoctor926 4 years ago

    Lol... I love the idea of the screwdriver. My sister in law's family are odd. They don't buy gifts for anyone in the family. A box of Godiva chocolate is all we buy the mother. I remember my dad buying the dad a

    nice wine and cheese basket and he just grabbed the basket and placed it on the kitchen table without thanking us. Maybe screwdriver this year

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    Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

    Totally hilarious! Remind me never to piss you off; I sure don't want a tool delivered to my door. :)....hmmm, frugal hate gifts???? LOL

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Funny Lela! Haha ok so that's sweet - this year ill just send an empty box with a tag and a little card inside that says "be thankful for what you already have, AH!" Hahaha

    Tea bag - hahahahaha!

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hey SG! Those pants are awesome, right? Lol. I almost died laughing when I saw them :) Beautiful!

    Hey you're onto something too Bill could come up with some really cheap frugal gifts for those we love to hate! Hahaha

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    I know Bob! Lol. That's ok - I'm always running out of TP - and am admittedly full of shyte!

    Oh you sure there isn't just a little something in here you'll remember? Maybe even the emergency underpants? Haha

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    Hi Janine! I was working on a REAL article about gifts to buy this year and oh my gosh my alter ego came out! Lol I saw so many gives that would really say JUST the right thing to a few people I love:) LOL

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    Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

    MelChi - now see why I think I have a gift for passive aggressive giving? Bahahaha. I once got a step dad who had everything - a belly button brush. I was fairly certain he would not be getting two of those! :) lol

    I love that "LOOK"...hahaha Thank you!

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    Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

    But I don't like giving gifts! People should be thankful for what they already have.

    Maybe I could share a tea bag. Wrap it with a small bow?

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    diogenes 4 years ago from UK and Mexico

    Who pulled your chain today!!!

    You might end receiving gifts like toilet paper! Get the connection?

    "For the asswipe in my life!?

    Fun hub full of advice to be immediately forgotten!

    Bob

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    Sheila Brown 4 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

    You have some really great ideas here! I personally like the emergency underpants! I need to find several copies of a book on "How to Improve Your Attitude" to give at Christmas. I think Billybuc needs to publish a whole book on "Frugal Living", I would love to give that one out at Christmas too! Voting this up and +++! :)

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    Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

    Kelly, this was too funny and loved all the gifts for people that you just can't help, but hate. Sadly we all have those people in our lives and you laid out gift selections for them perfectly here, lol!! Seriously, thank you for this article and for a good laugh this morning :) :) Have of course voted up and shared all over!!

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    Melanie Chisnall 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

    LOL! You've got the wheels in my head turning with this one. Oh, the gifts I'd love to give to people I don't like. What fun! The stocks are my favourite...just the look on their faces when they find out that this is there gift, would be priceless and worth every cent!