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Plant Racism: Hatred in the Garden and the Humans Who Condone It

Updated on July 23, 2010

Introduction:

In a land that prides itself on equality and acceptance of all, the United States has a bad habit of touting its respect for life while standing on the throats of one group of living beings or another all the time.

Now, while I accept that the fight for universal freedom in the U.S. has been (and is) a process - great things don't happen overnight - and while I respect that at least we, here, have allowed that process to take place, I would like to point out that we are not quite there yet.

Our people are free to pursue their dreams now, and that's great. We are even taking great measures to fight for the rights of animals now too, our animals are getting their due (albeit in many cases way too late). But what about plants?

Did you know that right now in America there are hundreds of thousands of plants that are being systematically persecuted, tortured and destroyed? That's right, you heard me, hundreds of thousands of species being wantonly killed for no other reason than the fact that they belong to a specific race of plant. And it's not just humans perpetrating this racist behavior, but other plant species as well. Frankly, it's an outrage.

In the light of a Hubmob project meant to encourage plant growth, health and happiness, I am here to speak out in the name of humanity, in the name of plantanity, to defend these voiceless victims of premeditated plant hate.

The Victims

To begin, we need to look at who is suffering. I think it's important to put a face to those being persecuted, poisoned and plucked out. The truth is, the numbers are so huge, I can't even include them all here, but I will include some of those that you might be most familiar with, the ones living amongst us all, even with you in your neighborhood.

Do you recognize any of these?
Do you recognize any of these?

The Perpetrators

Those above are the abused and the victimized. They are the victims. But who is at fault? Who is behind the misery and death? The attempted plant-genocide? Well, below are a few of the main culprits. Not all of them, mind you, but a good enough sampling to give you an idea. Perhaps enough to make you think about what you might have growing in your yard, or whose farming or business interests you might support.

Are you supporting plant hate? Are any of these close to you?

Click thumbnail to view full-size
Coffee.Peppermint RoseWheatCornYour LawnMorning Glory Vine.TomatoDaffodilCarrotsLantana.IrisOrangesRed Rose.TobaccoBanannasLilac.StrawberriesSunflowerFern.Truffle.
Coffee.
Coffee.
Peppermint Rose
Peppermint Rose
Wheat
Wheat
Corn
Corn
Your Lawn
Your Lawn
Morning Glory Vine.
Morning Glory Vine.
Tomato
Tomato
Daffodil
Daffodil
Carrots
Carrots
Lantana.
Lantana.
Iris
Iris
Oranges
Oranges
Red Rose.
Red Rose.
Tobacco
Tobacco
Banannas
Banannas
Lilac.
Lilac.
Strawberries
Strawberries
Sunflower
Sunflower
Fern.
Fern.
Truffle.
Truffle.

The numbers are large.

Yes, all of these are in on it. As you can see, there are many, and again, these are just a small sample to give you an idea of how large this problem is, how common it is. Do you recognize any of them? I bet you do. I bet you've even worked to ensure the survival of some of these particular plants.

It may seem innocent enough to you that you do it. It's normal behavior, taught to you by your parents, who learned it from their parents who learned it from theirs and so on throughout modern history. But, just because something has been done a certain way, just because attitudes lean toward particular "reality" does not mean that these attitudes and behaviors are right, fair or true. To understand this further, we need to examine the history.

Plant artillery at work.
Plant artillery at work.

The History

Prior to what humans believe to be "their time atop the food chain", and even prior to the "domination" of the planet going back to the time of the dinosaurs, there began a great plant war, known as The Great Flora War. Plant species for reasons lost to the ages began separating into factions, the Plants and the Weeds.

Now anyone who knows anything about horticulture or even just basic gardening can tell you that a "plant" is, well, a plant: a thing that grows in the soil utilizing nutrients from the ground and from water and developing itself through photosynthetic processes. A plant is a plant. There is no distinction between a plant and a weed other than a matter of opinion.

Plu

Forensic artist's rendering of "Plu," as reconstructed from archaeological evidence.
Forensic artist's rendering of "Plu," as reconstructed from archaeological evidence.

However, way back in history, a few species of plants decided they didn't like some other species of plants. One of these, a huge and thorny rose bush known only as Plu, began a movement to rid the great garden of the plants he did not like. He built quite a following and soon all his friends and favored species began running around trying to pluck out any plant they didn't like, just pulling them up where they grew, no matter where, be it forest, jungle, mountain or plain.

Besides plucking out his enemies, Plu found a useful tool in language. He and his conspirators coined the term "weed" to distinguish and isolate those plant races they did not like, a label to apply to some plants but not others. By continued plucking and by using this epithet "weed," Plu and his followers were able to marginalize the Weeds and push them to the edges and outlands of the great global garden, out into the rocks and infertile soil. It was an insidious plan, eventually to be called the Plu Plucks Plan, which ultimately became the cornerstone of the Plant hate group the PPP.

PPP members.
PPP members.
Weeds relegated to the rocks and shitty soil.
Weeds relegated to the rocks and shitty soil.

The Weeds Fight for Freedom

The Weeds weren't stupid, and they grew tough as well. Out there amongst the rocks and shitty soil, the Weeds made allies with the snakes and other reptiles that were cast out of the great garden (yes, the Eden parallel is not lost here, and there is a whole line of theological study that supports everything I am saying now regarding why there was only one snake in there by the time Adam and Eve came into the picture. But that's another story).

Well the Weeds fed the lizards and snakes with all their might, developing exotic chemical compounds like THC and opiates to give their dreams of retaking the garden palpability. The weeds fed the lizards and snakes with great enthusiasm, making themselves as palatable and nutritious as they could for reptilian digestive tracts. They gave all the energy they could until finally the lizards became HUGE, evolving into "dinosaurs" or "terrible lizards" (more accurately "fearfully great lizard," but I digress).

Weeds conversing with dinosaur ally. (Notice there is no "garden of Eden" for these Weeds and creatures, they live in barren climes.))

The Weeds and their formidable allies the dinosaurs moved back into the garden of Eden - if you will allow me the term - and began wanton destruction on the Plants, bringing retribution for all the years of being marginalized. A single dinosaur could eat hundreds and hundreds of pounds worth of Plants every day. Ultimately the Weed armies were successful and the once arrogant Plants fell into considerable decline. What followed was The Great Age of Weeds.

However, unbeknownst to the Weeds, the Plants that survived learned from the Weed strategies and began making animal allies of their own: with the mammals, and foremost amongst them, Humans.

Plant deception technique #1
Plant deception technique #1
The plot became insidiously complex.
The plot became insidiously complex.

The Plant factions wooed the humans in much the same fashion as the Weeds had wooed the reptiles, by feeding them. Plus, the Plants played on the humans' weakness as well to control them even more tightly than the Weeds did their dinosaur friends.

Plants recognized immediately how female humans loved the sweet scents and pretty colors of some flowers and they went out of their way to encourage the more aromatic plants to thrive. In addition, Plant studies showed that male humans were total horndogs of enormous proportions. Some of the more manipulative Plants began convincing male humans that they could get laid more frequently by giving female humans bunches of these aromatic and colorful flowers, which ultimately proved to be a highly successful tactic - so much so that human males became entirely dependent on it for reproductive success. This Plant strategy eventually lead to entire human industries of flower arrangement, perfume and other scented body products that are still in use today.

The greatest of the Weed allies was no match for even an old and blind Plant ally. The mammals prevailed on behalf of their Plant masters.

Humans Make the Difference

Ultimately, the Plants and their large-brained, opposable thumb-wielding allies threw the Weeds and their reptillian compatriots back to the edges of the great planetary garden.

Afterwards, Weed allies, the dinosaurs, were systematically starved to death as the Weed numbers diminished after the end of the great assault. The Weeds simply could no longer keep their giant friends alive on their own, not while under siege. And the Plant factions intentionally made themselves indigestible to dinosaurs until they finally died out almost completely, excepting for a few stunted varieties that survived as carnivores, angry and deranged.

Plants have continued to manipulate humans into doing their dirty work for them over the millennia and even used them to create made-up stories about what "really" happened to the dinosaurs to cover up for all the cruelty they perpetrated against the Weeds and the dinosaurs. Nothing is different today. The lengths to which Plants will go (through their stooge humans) is cruel beyond measure.

The PPP still practicing hate today.
The PPP still practicing hate today.

Plant Hatred and Extremism

Victory was not enough for the Plants and they still fight to keep the Weeds down to this very day, and they practice elaborate secret ceremonies to keep the hatred fresh in their angry Plant hearts.

They deploy their human minions to poison weeds mercilessly, to pluck them out of the garden if they do get a family started, and even to try to eat them when they can. For the most part, Weeds have done a good job copying the old Plant strategy of making themselves inedible to humans in order to survive the last of these attack techniques, but sometimes, in the example of the poor Dandelion, humans will still eat the young leaves out of spite.

What is worse, the Plants are arrogant and rub the misery of the Weeds in their faces every chance they get. Most humans aren't even aware of how cruel their Plant masters are because they aren't trained to see just what it is that's going on. However, I, being a horticultural savant, have seen the taunting and find it sickening at best.

Look at the following picture as an example. What you see at first seems merely to be an Iris. I'm sure since most of you reading this are human, you will probably see nothing untoward in this image at all.

But have a good long look and then I will show you what you missed.

Just an Iris, right?

Dandelion family trying to live in peace.
Dandelion family trying to live in peace.

Alright, harmless, right? WRONG. This Iris is caught red handed giving "the finger" to a pair of Weeds who are merely trying to get a family started in a small unused portion of a garden. (This is a gesture learned from humans, by the way, as there is no evidence of this gesture prior to recent times in Plant or Weed history.) You'll notice that it's even doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!

I realize some of you may not have the trained eye that I do, so I will outline the gesture for you. Look carefully at the picture below, and then the side-by-side-by-side that follows that, and you will see clearly that the gesture is exactly as I say it is. You just have to know what you're looking for.

Here is my "translation" of the Iris' gesture for you to see.

Side By Side ... Can you see it now?

Coincidence?  I think not.
Coincidence? I think not.

Well, the connection is pretty clear at this point, and it points to an ongoing conspiracy being perpetrated by the Plants. The only question is, can anything be done?

End the Great Flora War

The answer is, "Yes, something can be done."

As you can see, there is clearly a Plant cabal going on here and, to be honest, it makes me sick. Now look, I'm not advocating for the overthrow of the Plants. I'm not. What would that do but start yet another cycle of hate and violence?

My point is that Plants and people need to recognize what it is they do. This labeling of "Weed" is nonsense. We must stop using the hate-filled language foist upon us by the Plants and give the word "Plant" back to all of them.

(And no, the fact that some Weeds call each other Weed does not make it right.)

Stop the hatred. Bring love and peace back into the world. End The Great Flora War. It's gone on long enough.

Looking Forward

Some of you may not care. Some of you may have read this far and be thinking, whatever, I like corn and asparagus, and I like roses and the way my wife's lilac shampoo smells when she gets out of the shower at night.

Fine. Keep that attitude up. Do it. But let me just show you one more thing.

This is a Morning Glory Vine

This is supposed to be one of our Plant allies.  Isn't it pretty?
This is supposed to be one of our Plant allies. Isn't it pretty?

But what about this:

Doesn't that seem a bit invasive of this patio? Doesn't this seem a bit aggressive from a so called "ally" to move into my patio?

Yes, it is.

And that's not the worst of it.

Plants are watching us. They're not stupid you know. They've been running things for millions and millions of years, playing dumb, acting like they just grow all, duhhhhh, in the ground. But they watch.

Just last night, after I wrote the first draft of this article, I went out with my kids to start the barbeque.

Look what happened.

When Plants attack!

Plant Nark
Plant Nark

It almost ate my daughter!

It's not so funny anymore is it? Yeah, I don't hear you laughing so loud now, Oh Skeptical One. A picture is worth a thousand words and some pictures just bring it home, don't they?

So there you see it: the Plants attacked. They won't tolerate a rebellion, and they know we ( or at least I) am watching. I'm not sure how this Morning Glory found out about the article, but I'm thinking the Ficus in my den narked me out.

We were able to save my daughter this time, but next time we might not be as lucky. This is not a game. Stop the hate before it is too late.

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    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I'm glad you read this, De Greek. This is one of my pet hubs. I laughed so hard when I got that idea, but, alas, it was destined only to resonate with a few. Maybe people here in the U.S. are just too hypersensitive for it.

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 7 years ago from UK

      .

      ...... WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

      ..... Signed: Plu Plucks Plan

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I keep telling myself I'm going to try dandelion leaves, but, well, I just never get to it. Maybe when I get hungry enough. Bob Ewing has a hub about making stuff with it that is really interesting that I remember reading. I should go find the link, but I'm too lazy. Worth finding if you're looking for something to read though.

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 7 years ago from Florida

      When I was young, I used to pretend I was a florist, making corsages out of dandelion weeds. I also had to pick them for us to eat. Ych, they were bitter. Thanks again for journeying to my hub! Happy weekend.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      I will be reading it momentarily. I almost read it yesterday, the title looked good but I had to go. I don't read many hubs during the week. Never have good, comfy sit down time to really enjoy them. Hit and run onsey-twosey usually, if at all, till the weekend. Then I can sit down with a few beers and just enjoy you people. :)

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 7 years ago from Florida

      Shadesbreath, I am so glad you directed me here. As always, I love your humor. The evil plants! The poor weeds. You might think about reading my controlling metaphor and Winsome hub. It, though, is not funny.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

      Sweet! I was just today thinking about putting a link to this in something, and you heard it's call for attention crying out across the universe and read it. The poor, humble weeds thank you for bringing their suffering to light.

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 7 years ago from The River Valley, Arkansas

      This is so funny, did your Ivy take over your computer and write this hub?

    • profile image

      salmon 8 years ago

      I laughed at the PPP thing and the picture of the plants with masks. That's hilarious. It seems I'm a little late on posting, but this was very entertaining anyway.

      Who the heck is Single arab?

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      LOL, ok Naturesencore, I just imagined Mel Gibson's speech in Bravehart and mentally exchanged Weedom for Freedom and had a hardy-har moment. lol. Thanks for that.

    • naturesencore profile image

      naturesencore 9 years ago from Chicagoland

      OMG That's awesome! ROFL Now my yard has a purpose. When my neighbors boast of their landscaping talents, I can defend my own yard by stating, "I'm fighting for the rights of Weeddom!

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      Thanks, glad you got the joke. :)

    • DarleneMarie profile image

      DarleneMarie 9 years ago from USA

      FINALLY someone willing to talk openly about plant prejudice...Let them all be FREE!!

      AWESOME Hub ;)

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      Yeah, you are on the far side of the planet from me, dude. You didn't miss anything though. Just a flame out. Frankly, I felt sorry for the guy, had no idea he'd pissed off pretty much everyone. Guess we reap what we sow.

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 9 years ago from South Africa

      I am on a different time zone. made a post and came back to the firestorm!

      I was still back at Sprytes " I have a bad case of word envy" (to Shades) and was haoping hat we were going to have some fun.

      Oh well I guess that 's what happens when you are not logged on. Peace to all brothers and sisters (tongue firmly in cheek). i have decided not engage in this battle. As i always say ignore and it will go away.

      Remember Joshua fought the battles of the lord and the trumpeting caused the walls to come tumbling down LOL

    • profile image

      Single arab 9 years ago

      Nobody wants to chat with single arab :(

      Will go drown myself in my family oil pond...

    • profile image

      Single arab 9 years ago

      I am still here :)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I'm back! Hmmm...where did everyone go? I brought ice cream sammiches...

      Okay. I'll save yours and eat mine now. Mmmmm....

    • profile image

      Single arab 9 years ago

      @Christoph

      Couldn't arabs just broswe the site and see the SIGN? ;)

      @Shades

      I run through all Safeways around and did not see her. Can I chat to other chicks here, they look hawt and arab, too?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      Yea, your right it is getting tiresome and old. I'm heading to bingo, catch ya later.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      This is getting tiresome. I'm going to try to find a new thing to write about. Catch you later, Gwendymom!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      5 minutes looks like the cutoff point. Yea, I see them, maybe I have lost my mind.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Gwendy: Yeah, but you left your name behind. Wait. His posts are still there.

      Misty: Ahh, What's up, Doc?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      4 minutes and I can still change my comments.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      it seems that you have a certain amount of time to change your comment and it doesn't matter if someone else posts ahead of you.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Re-reading the posts by the 'certain person' on a 'certain forum', I notice his spelling has slipped somewhat compared to normal, and I am now inclined to wonder if maybe 'he' has been drinking, and this is where all this rage and frustration has come from. I could be wrong, but I know my own typing goes to pot when I have more than a couple of drinks, (plus I become more short tempered). Perhaps this is a problem that only rears it's ugly head once he has had a drink or two, or three etc. I kind of hope I am wrong though!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Also interesting that Single Arab commented on the yellow single arabs ad at the top of the page as though that was what brought you to the page, since you would have to be here to see it in the first place. Who's doing that?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      I retracted my last comment because this is not my hub and I don't have the right to say anything about that kind of stuff. So I will let it go, but glad you saw it Christoph.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Ahh, so you can. Thanks single arab dude.

      Good one, Gwendy! Hadn't even noticed that. Aren't you stuck with your comment as soon as someone posts behind you? Did you just get rid of them in time?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Yea. It wasn't any worse than lots of other ones. Not to keep kicking a dead dog, but he's always referring to his "fan base" and his "quality hubs" and "giving us the juice," etc. He desperately needs to think he's "somebody". I only ever read one of his hubs and I think he needs to learn how to write first. Had no need to quit his fan club cause I never joined.

      I don't think so, but I saw it. He said to go back and read Shades original remark and then come back and answer "educated", or something like that.

      Can't wait till this baby thing is over.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      maybe, I don't know too much about the forums, I have not posted there very much. It does make sense though. I wish I would have known that, there are a few things I would have changed, not on that forum but on others.

    • profile image

      Single arab 9 years ago

      You actually have about 4 hours to change or delete your post on forum :P

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Do you have so many minutes to edit a comment on the forums, much as you do on a normal hub?? Could this be what happened, i.e. he changed it quickly before his time limit ran out?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      hmm, maybe, but I don't understand why they would remove that specific one. It makes no sense to me. I think he typed it and then regretted it and somehow removed it. By he telling me to get educated and then conme back and reply to his thread he caused damage to himself in more ways than one. First by name calling and then by presuming he was smarter then me.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Maybe the moderators took the post off if they are watching the comments!!

      Christoph, better not chance the tongue lashing until you are a bit older, say in 5 days or so :)

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Gwendy: You're right. I didn't think they could do that either. I went and looked and I can't find it. I went back to see if I could take off a post from my forum thread, but it can't and I don't think it can be done. I don't know.

      Misty: You're right too. I guess that was Gwendy. It gets hard to follow him. Now, about that tongue lashing....

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hey Christoph, I'll give you a tongue lashing any time, just like most mothers do :)

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Hey Christoph, where did he request I leave his fan club? (Although I probably may still do so unless he changes his attitude). I have re-read the posts and he doesn't seem to have answered mine directly unless I missed something :)

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      I didn't know people could do that.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      I saw it. Hee-haw.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      He must have removed the comment where he told me to get educated. what an ass! oh yea, pat-a-cake pat-a cake......

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      no, he doesn't. I haven't seen anyone make such an ass out of themselves since....last night. The bartender at applebess had a meltdown.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Man! That guy just doesn't know when to quit. ok. Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker man...la, la...

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      haha, he has posted another thread in the forums, what a loser.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      lol, Shades said to behave. That isn't any fun though. Hey Christoph, want to play pat-a-cake?

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Just like that baby in "Roger Rabbit".

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      a tongue lashing can be a lot of fun!!!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Misty: Saw it. You've already been requested to quit a certain fan club.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Have commented on a certain forum if anyone is interested :)

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      Arab, you'll have to chase her to the Safeway now. 

      I'm off too.  You kids play nice now.  Really. 

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      A tongue lashing can be such fun...... sigh!!! (wistful expression on face)

    • profile image

      Single arab 9 years ago

      Oh, it's getting hawter over here. If not arabs, at least some pretty chicks :D

      I don't have oil in a back yard here, sorry - but my family does! We can strike a deal, but Muhhamed (PBUH) said you have to share. I'll be nice with you, don't worry :)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Okay...seriously now...I'm off to Safeway, home of the Stepford Clerks that follow you around and constantly ask if you've found everything you were looking for...

      *shudders*

      They scare the snot outa me.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      well thanks for giving me that mental image.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Norgannon :)

      And sorry...Jerrico just tweaked my nose and I couldn't resist. I'm so damn weak.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      ROFL @ mental image of that baby chasing Gwendymom around, little chubby legs churning, diaper making that plastic crinkly sound as Christoph's little cherubic hands groped after her. That's funny stuff.

      And maybe Spryte's going to write about hawt arabs playing poker?

      And, what server, Spryte?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      oooh, the volcano is about to blow!!!

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      Christoph, I don't even know what to say to that. I didn't know pervs came in such small packages. You might try getting that diaper rash taken care of first before you go playing pin the tail on the hawt redneck chick (blush) , it could be a real turn off, even for a redneck.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *grins* I didn't think it was a tirade...just a well-earned tongue lashing.  And of course I know that you were referring to him...you love me and I know that. 

      I dunno why I keep getting called dude...it happens in my gaming as well.  But at least in World of Warcraft the chances that the really hot chick toon is a guy is pretty high.  Obviously Mr. J has not really read anything I've written and is taking a stab in the dark on that one.  :)

      It wasn't me...but I figure Shade let him post for the sake of amusement.  Damn...I'm such a follower.

      (And no...it's sorta about poker...ummm...spryte style)

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      hmm, I'm curious if she is gonna write about Texas hold em, bingo or sexy single arabs.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Gwendy: I can come over, but only if we play pin the tail on the hawt redneck chick. Or if Spryte comes, we can play pin the tail on the hawt Arab chick.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Man, this is getting confusing. Ok...Spryte, yours could hardly be called a tirade; it was thoughtful, well organized, and well deserved. It was the other person whose tirade I was referring to. Also, who keeps calling you "Duuuude!" Do they know something we don't. And thirdly, who is that Single Arab up there? That's a joke, right? Which one of you is doing that?

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *waves to single arab*

      I got burkhastock sandals too!  If you have oil in your backyard, perhaps we can make a deal.  Just none of that harem stuff...I don't share.

      Oh! And thanks Gwendy...you just knocked another story loose from my brain...gotta write that down.

      But for now...I am sentenced to go grocery shopping...alone (thankfully) and will return later this evening. Try to stay out of trouble...or at least give me enough to comment on when I get back.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      I wished you lived closer, I am thinking about getting a game together tonight. I am home alone and bored again, it's either that or bingo.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      I do, but I'm horrific at it.  I drink too much and I'm chatty, so I forget to furrow my brow and be as anti-social as possible while focusing on the cards.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      any of you guys play Texas hold em?

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      Single Arab, Spryte is a single arab chick. She's very hawt and willing to break almost all religious laws.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Okay okay...so it's a leftover from my "spryte...sick 'em" days. I actually enjoy dismembering people that offend me greatly. But if you want happy stuff, *sigh* okay...happy stuff. Let me think...

      Puppies, kittens, snowball fights...no...wait, that is too borderline...umm...puppies...

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      But it's so much fun Christoph. You cute baby beast you.

    • profile image

      Single arab 9 years ago

      Are you guys arabs? Are you single? That yellow thingy on the top says "Chat to single arabs HERE", but you don't sound like ones... I am disappointed :(

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Been there, done that.

      I, for one, would love to see another 5 page tirade.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks Christoph, I was proud of you too.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      Yeah, ok, he's got issues, but best to let him be. I like happy stuff. Let's make fun of Christoph's avatar or something :)

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *passes a fresh cold one to Shade*

      Drink that and then re-think Christoph's comment...and then mine...and it'll become clear gwasshoppah.

      Christoph is a master of subtle "in your face" comments...and it took me a quick trip to Wikki before I realized it wasn't the story that was really important...just the title.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      By the way, Spryte and Gwendy, y'all did very well. I was proud of you. And of course Shades, well, I've come to expect nothing less than brilliance from you and I was not disappointed.

    • Shadesbreath profile image
      Author

      Shadesbreath 9 years ago from California

      Well, you people have been busy lol. 

      To catch up,

      Spryte, I'll gladly share Thalia with you the moment I figure out how to get in contact with her when I want to.  So far, we're doing everything on her time.

      A pogo stick would slosh my beer.

      A keg would be great, and I'd happily share as long as replacements were lined up.

      Yes, I did draw it, and, you'll notice the great care I took to include a beer belly lol.

      Um... and I'm done with that forum thread.  It wasn't my intent to lambast him endlessly, I just wanted to point out that it's annoying to be spammed, even covertly.  My point was about respecting the reader, and that doing all that self promotion is insulting, says "I don't care about you at all, but I want to take up your time."  I suppose it's my love of writing in general that got pissed off; it's like so few people think of the reader when they write anymore.  But hey.  (Although, I confess, I haven't looked at it in a while, so I guess I should go see what you trouble makers have stirred up.)

      And I am a Poe fan, Christoph, and I have that book, just haven't gotten to it yet.  Why you just finish it or something?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      hmmm, did I see wheels turning in shades brain avatar? I think I did. I'm giddy with anticipation.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Hey, A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *spryte coughs into her fist and it sounds oddly like 'check the forum for something by someone asking their fans to become fans of his new site'...but perhaps it was only a cough*

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Well, he certainly "built a battle" this time.

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Where can I find this forum post everyone, as I have missed it somehow???

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      :)

      Well of course I have...being a Poe fan.

      But I don't wish to discuss novels at the moment. Perhaps spiritual gospel music would be more appropriate. I wonder if Shade's real name is Joshua...

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      I agree Spryte, you, shades, christoph, misty and a few others are fun. That's why I am here. I like to read all the hubs you guys publish and have fun when it comes to comments and the crazy things we do (sorry Christoph). It is fun. I just don't think things need to be taken so seriously. He was acting like a child, a spoiled, rotten child! I take care of children who act more mature than that. Even after Shades helped with his other forum post, and created traffic to it after he had already got pissed and told people they sucked for not responding as soon as he thought they should, then he verbally attacks the person who helped him. I'm just blown away by what an ass he is making of himself!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      I never get involved in stuff like that and even I had to say something. I would step in to help any friend in a fight, regardless of the outcome.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      He's a ding dong. Let's talk about something else. Anybody ever read "The Fall of the House of Usher?" Just curious.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      You were pissed?  I was livid!  I would have done the same thing for anyone that I consider a friend on here.  I thought Shade was rather gracious in expressing his opinion...even though I couldn't help falling off my chair laughing when he compared Jerrico to a blood sucking insect.  If "J" thought to offend me by accusing me of being a follower...he didn't.  I just know who I have fun with and of course I'm going to see what they're up to and if I can join in on the merriment.  How dull it would be to sit around thinking I knew everything and waiting for the world to come to me. 

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      roflmao. Sorry bout that. I was pissed!

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I dunno if I want to be known as some mindless follower...*snark*

      Please, Shade...tell me your brain is cooking right now even as we speak.  If I might be so bold, perhaps a piece on why you could be the new hub religion.  *bows to her new deity*

      Where would I be without you to follow...*wipes a tear from my eye* 

      It just all sounds to me as if Jerrico is incredibly jealous of your talent and wishes he could have friends too. 

      There! I said it...I dragged that forum into a hub.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      Keg or no keg, I don't want to be planted anywhere. Christoph he probably will be heralded as their leader, I guess you can join him if you want, you must really like beer.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      I hardly think the weeds will mistake that thing for a flower. More like their leader (so we can all follow him, right?).

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Bah! I bet Shade would consider himself a weed at heart...but that doesn't mean he'd share his keg.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      I am pretty sure that is all he would need to survive. That mental image just cracks me up. he better hope the weeds have read this hub and don't take him out.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I guess I could just install a keg next to him and one of those self-watering spikes. :) He'd do pretty well I think...

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      LOL, You would have to take care of him Spryte, I have read how well you do with plants. If I had to take care of him, he would die. :(

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Perhaps we could just plant him in the garden and hope he grows some roots?

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      That's all we need, shades on a stick, all bouncy and stuff. That could rattle that brain and then we might not get great hubs like this anymore. I think he's better in tennis shoes, you shock absorbtion and all that.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      Ahh, lets wrap him around a pogo stick and call it a day.

    • gwendymom profile image

      gwendymom 9 years ago from Oklahoma

      I'll go with brain stem too. Hmm , tennis shoes, I just don't know how he could fill them, and besides he only has one stem, he would have to grow another appendage to fill the other, or just use one shoe.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 9 years ago from St. Louis

      I thought it was a brain stem. It needs tennis shoes.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 9 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Errr...I knew it was a spinal cord. And you actually drew that? I'm impressed...don't go saying you aren't an artist.

      Didn't realize how many comments I missed on your hub so I'm catching up right now while I wait to see what nastiness ol' "J" will spew next on the forum. :) I also wonder sometimes where your muse comes from and after seeing something you write, recovering from an extreme bout of word envy, I smack myself in the forehead and say "Of course! Why didn't I think of that!?"

      I may have to find a way to kidnap your muse. I'm sure you understand if I borrow it for a bit...really...just for one hub or maybe two?