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Plot Holes, Mary Sue and Killing Star Wars

Updated on July 13, 2017
Mary Sue in the flesh.
Mary Sue in the flesh.

So let’s go into why the new Star Wars Trilogy is so god awful. The plot holes are enormous, Rey’s whole character arc and how this trilogy is killing Star Wars. I know a lot of fan boys and girls will be upset reading this but it’s time for us to be honest and say this isn’t Star Wars and we have been screwed.

Plot hole One and Mary Sue; Rey and her story are a plot hole. None of this occurred to me until I started talking to other people about Rey and why she irks me so. She is the perfect example of a Mary Sue. Now I know people are wondering what a Mary Sue is, so here is the definition: a Mary Sue is an idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character, a young low –rank person who saves the day through unrealistic abilities. Often this character is recognized as an author insert or wish-fulfillment. Now ask yourselves does this definition of a Mary Sue fit Rey? Yes it does. She is perfect hence she is a Mary Sue. Here are her abilities and why none of it makes sense. She flies the Millennium Falcon as well as Han Solo does and knows the engines as well as he does with no training, no schooling. Really? Seriously? WTF? When Han hands her a blaster her second shot she’s killing storm troopers. As someone who goes to the range regularly and knows something of shooting her ability’s with that blaster are bullshit. See plot hole or Rey Annie Oakley of the Galaxy.

Also at the end she just inherits the Millennium Falcon? Really? Why? I have been blasted for hoping against hope she’s Han and Leia’s daughter because that would make far too much sense. I mean wow a sibling rivalry! Sibling rivalries never happen, ever. There are so many places that idea could go but why make it make sense. So, what is the reason she inherits that ship? It’s not like that ships a crappy Chevy on blocks down at Jose’s used car lot IT’S THE MILLENNIUM FUCKING FALCON and this no name girl Ms. Perfect gets it? WHY? And any reason like oh well she’s a good pilot and that’s just how it goes is stupid and laughable. That ship is as iconic as Anakin’s light saber and this girl who I have been told in a very condescending way by a guy who obviously has his business tied to the Last Jedi being a success is not connected to ANYBODY! Not to Luke, not to Han and Leia or anybody. But she gets the Falcon. What the actual fuck?

Oh and let’s not forget that issue with the light saber. That’s Anakin’s light saber fan boy dolts not Luke’s. And it calls out to a girl who is not a Skywalker or so we have been told. That makes sense. Before you all start screaming at me there were two Skywalker twins, Luke and Leia so yes that saber could be passed on through Anakin's daughter as easily as his son not hard to imagine. Or, if you want Phantom Menace PTSD she’s the reincarnation of Anakin Skywalker. But wait Anakin apparently will be a Force Ghost in the Last Jedi so her being Anakin 2.0 and him showing up to give some sage advice makes all kinds of sense. Or if we believe that’s she’s not connected to anybody she’s the reincarnation of the first force user who was not a Skywalker. But she gets the light saber. And we are supposed to buy this crap.

But wait there’s more. Rey Mary Sue also kicks a well-trained force user’s ass in a light saber duel, does a Jedi mind trick and messes with the head of that same well trained force user as he’s trying to mess with hers. Really? This girl who has not had one lick of training just comes out swinging like a grand master Jedi? Oh OK. So please JJ Abrams, Pablo Hidalgo and others just where are you going to take our Mary Sue now that she’s basically gone from no name scavenger to more powerful than Skywalker himself? Cripes instead of flying off to train with Luke because let’s face it she is pretty much trained she should have gone, confronted Ren, killed him and Snoke end of story. Rey isn't just a plot is the giant plot hole.

This ended up not something that mattered and pointless. Well done Jar Jar Abrams.
This ended up not something that mattered and pointless. Well done Jar Jar Abrams.

Then here's the plot hole of Han and Leia’s relationship. Um after going through what they went through together in the first three movies Han just flees the moment the shit hits the fan? You writer monkey’s idiots take this incredibly brave and reckless man and turn him into a mockery of himself? Leia turns into the Hoth ice queen? Really? That brave woman just gives up? And don’t tell me about parents of freaked out kids, I know all about that. Most of those parents did not ever go through the life altering moments these two characters went through. These two just give up on each other. Oh let’s not mention that after 30 some odd years of being together Han and Leia have just one kid. One kid. Oh ok. Huge plot hole. Ginormous. WTF?

And lets not forget this new group of weirdo fans who march around Youtube and the rest of the internet obsessed with something they call Reylo. Basically its the idea that Rey and Ren become an item. Think Bella Swan and Edward Cullen from Twilight. Yeah, they are taking Star Wars down that path. Shitty teen fiction. That is not how you do romance, JJ Abrams. You have Larry Kasden there, let him loose.

And Luke has been turned into the galaxy's biggest puss. Well done JJ Abrams.
And Luke has been turned into the galaxy's biggest puss. Well done JJ Abrams.

Oh and Luke ignoring his sister asking him for help and going off to wander the galaxy in search of the First Jedi temple instead of trying to resolve the mess that’s occurred. Really? After everything that man went through he just walks away when it got ugly. You just turned the big hero into the galaxy's biggest puss ever JJ Abrams. Well done. Idiot.

Jedi Grand Master and the idiot who has no concept of originality. Star Wars is doomed.
Jedi Grand Master and the idiot who has no concept of originality. Star Wars is doomed.

Killing Star Wars: When Disney bought Lucas film I cringed inside. Mostly because a corporate giant like Disney doesn’t make art, it makes something to be consumed in the same way McDonald’s makes what they call hamburgers. Disney’s Star Wars is cheap, tasteless candy for mushy brain dead zombie fan boys. Great art exists outside the corporate structure. It’s funny but when the first trilogy was made Lucas really had a free rein on his story and the money men were willing to give him what he needed. What was created was sheer brilliance. They weren’t afraid to be original. Now days, even George Lucas would say that Hollywood is afraid to be original. Film makers follow this narrow path of commercialism and Disney defines commercialism which is death to a franchise like Star Wars.

What hurt Star Wars out of the gate was hiring JJ Abrams to produce and direct this first new installment. JJ Abrams or as I like to call him Jar Jar Abrams has more experience in TV directing than feature film making. He made four feature films before being hired to produce and direct The Force Awakens, Mission Impossible III (2006), Star Trek (2009) Super 8 (2011) Star Trek Into the Darkness (2013). See anything here that should have raised an eye brow? This man has never done anything original in his life as far as feature film making except for Super 8. He has stood on the shoulders of others and copied what they did verbatim. Now does that sound familiar? Of course it is. If you want to watch a Star Wars movie you can either watch A New Hope, or watch Abrams bullshit rehash The Force Awakens. Oh and what he and his cohorts did to the characters from the original trilogy is murder. Nothing Han, Leia and Luke went through mattered to this idiot. Abrams and company crapped all over the blood, sweat and tears of George Lucas to make an unoriginal, uninspired piece of trash that diminishes the character arcs of the three heroes from the first trilogy. In fact, despite the problems I have with the prequels when I look back on what Lucas was trying to accomplish they are actually better than anything Disney’s producing now. But when Lucas was helming these projects there was a point, there was creativity and there was a vision. Now, Abrams and company busy themselves so they can crap on The Empire Strikes Back. It’s like George Lucas did something bad to them and they want revenge.

My challenge to these tools is this: Want to make us feel like you are outside the box in these movies? STOP FUCKING COPYING GEORGE LUCAS! Why didn’t you try a whole new story line? Why even bring back the three main characters if you were just going to turn them into three of the biggest losers ever? I know why. Because had Harry, Carrie and Mark not been in The Force Awakens none of us old fans would have showed up. CHACHING! Money. Filthy Lucre. There’s no reason for an actual real fan of Star Wars to see these next two films. All Disney and Lucas film are doing is copying the plots of the three first movies and then shitting on them. There were so many original ways to go, so many different scenarios where people could have been drawn in and found the magic Lucas created and yet here we are. My god, I have read fan fiction that is better than this garbage.

In the end we see where the lack of imagination is taking the franchise. This lack of soul, of heart and the coward’s way of film making is taking it to Pirates of the Caribbean land where the new will never be seen again and originality lies in the dust. Disney and Lucas film will suck the very life out of Star Wars until people don’t care anymore. Well done JJ Abrams, Pablo Hidalgo and company. You murdered Star Wars with your Mary Sue, your one dimensional characters and your lack of imagination. Will I be back? No. Everything that made Star Wars magnificent has been rendered asunder. So to Disney have fun sucking the greatness out of that franchise and to the fans that just can’t be honest, you are all mere sheep.


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