Tragic Genius: Quotes from Lenny Bruce
If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Take away the right to say "f**k" and you take away the right to say "f**k the government!"
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home and found us in bed together.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
Communism is like one big phone company.
When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.
A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
There are never enough I Love You's